Edward* – Cage Fighter

Now, the first date I want to let you in on is probably one of my favourite ones! I might be starting with the climax too soon but this was one of the first dates I ever went on so it seems only natural to start at the beginning!

Edward* and I met through some mutual friends and although in hindsight, I know he is absolutely not my type, I was very new to dating so didn’t really feel I was allowed to have a type in case it made me seem picky! I was 18 years old and he was 19. Ed was a cage fighter which is already just so wrong.

Myself and Ed decided to meet at a Pizza Express restaurant about 20 minutes from where I lived so we both drove separately and met each other there. We saw each other, did an awkward kiss on the cheek then went inside and sat down. Everything was absolutely fine and normal until we were waiting for our mains to come and Ed suddenly sighs loudly and gets a little shifty in his seat. I ask him if everything is ok and out of nowhere he starts raising his voice talking about how his ex girlfriend has just walked in and seeing her has ruined his night. At first I think wow this one is a little over dramatic until the drama only continues to escalate and get much, much worse!

Before I can even look round and see this apparent she devil, Ed stands up and slams the table away from him. He starts saying (loudly I might add) “well fuck this, I don’t even want to be here anymore if she’s here. This has just ruined my night. Let’s just fucking get out of here”. I look around now and notice people glancing over to see what the fuss is all about. Not one person is still looking down at their menu now that the entertainment has started. As the embarrassment and humiliation starts to hit me I just quickly get out my seat, grab my stuff, throw some money on the table and touch Ed’s arm while I say to him “it’s fine, we’ll just leave. We don’t have to stay here so we might as well just go”. At this point Ed is still effing on about how annoyed he is (well he’s made that bloody clear already). He turns his head to look at me and before I can even realise what’s happened, his fist has been thrown up over his shoulder and hit me square in the nose!!

Now, to this day I still can’t be sure whether he did it on purpose but there was no apology at all or even a fuss to check if I was ok. I don’t think he did it on purpose; my nose just happened to be in the way for him.

As his fist has said a sweet, and very romantic hello to my face my eyes have closed but I can still hear the very audible gasps of onlookers around us. Please ground swallow me whole and let me wake up from this nightmare. Instead I open my eyes and realise that I am still, in fact, standing in the middle of the restaurant with people looking at us from all directions. The automatic reaction of my eyes to being hit in the nose are to start watering – I wasn’t crying, I promise! Hit yourself in the nose and you’ll know what I mean. Anyway, a group of lads having dinner are now on their feet with one of them now holding Ed and saying to him “Mate, you need to calm down. You’ve just hit this girl in the face. I think you need to leave”. My knight in shining armour then turns to me and asks “are you alright? You aren’t leaving with him are you?”. I am not alright but mainly because I am more embarrassed than I have ever been in my entire life! I just nod at him, explain that we came separately and watch Ed leave in a huff still effing and blinding about how he doesn’t even care anymore. Well bye to you too mate and your welcome for me paying for a dinner we didn’t even eat!

I left the restaurant, alone, still hungry and wondering how the hell I ended up having such a horrendous first date with someone. Needless to say, I never spoke to Ed again and stayed away from the Pizza Express for a good few years!

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