Simon* – Student

Just less than a year has gone by without any dates, texting a guy, kisses, basically nothing! I’m a nun at this point and obviously feeling very apprehensive about the idea of going anywhere near anyone again, especially in an intimate setting. My only two sexual experiences at now 21 years old were close together and blurred into my warped view of intimacy. Unfortunately I don’t know any different yet…

However, I am strong. I’ve found my feet again by this point and I’m taking that proverbial bull by those big ugly horns and I’m going to start dating again dammit! That’s exactly what I did and in true me style, my first one in the game again was a good one (well by that I mean a funny disaster story).

I met Simon on a student night out in the grimiest little club known to all my fellow students at University. It was one of those clubs where your feet stick to the floor, the air smells of vomit, sweat and any other bodily fluid you can think of to be honest. On a Wednesday night it was heaving with all the sports teams and societies all dressed up ready to find a mating partner for one night only and drink their body weight in cheap, watered down alcohol. Ah, to be a student again. Anyway back to Simon. He got chatting because I was sober, and so was he. He came over to apologise for one of his drunken mates attempting to flirt with my drunken friend. We got chatting and he asked me if I wanted to go to a house party he was having the next night. He was studying medicine, had a good sense of humour and he was so engaging in conversation that I accepted the invitation and obviously gave him my number. Result!

The next day Simon messaged me. We did the whole small talk thing: “How was your night?” “Yeah good thanks, you?” – you get the picture. He then sent me the details of the house party that night with his address and telling me I could bring some friends. Good news, I’ll have back up should I need it. Bad news, my housemates and close friends all had plans or deadlines to meet. I messaged a few course mates and luckily, found someone to go with me. Panic over. We arranged to meet at hers and got a taxi from there that evening. Once we arrived and got inside I found Simon pretty quickly. He came over and said hello and introductions were done. For me the majority of the night was spent just chatting with Simon. We clicked and conversation flowed effortlessly. Later on in the night Simon offered to give me a tour of their student house which, I must admit, was the most incredible student house I had ever been in! They had a hot tub, brand new kitchen and bathrooms, an incredible TV with sound system and speakers everywhere. Anyway, Simon gave me a quick tour which ended with his room as it was at the top of the house (classic move to get a girl in your room). I walked in and noticed that every inch of wall space was covered in plastic drawer units. What guy needs that much storage space! Then I noticed that each and every drawer was home to a snake! I’m not fussed about snakes; if anything I think they’re pretty cool but who needs that many living in their room? Obviously I asked him how many snakes he had and he started going off about how he loves snakes so much and has 37 in total living in his room. 37 snakes? Well, each to their own and, like I said, snakes don’t bother me.

I turned my back to Simon as he told me about the snakes and walked around the room peering into each drawer to get a closer look of each one. I was so busy looking at the snakes and listening to Simon go on about them that I hadn’t even taken note or looked at him during this. I turned back to face him and what stood before me had me biting my lip to stop myself laughing.

Simon had, impressively quickly and quietly I might add, stripped stark naked and was stood before me with a huge (stop those dirty thoughts)…. smile on his face and said words to me that I will never forget “Do you want to get a closer look at the 38th snake in the room?” Oh sweet Jesus. Even using every ounce of will power I had, I could not stop myself from laughing the hardest and loudest I had laughed in that past year. You have to admire the man’s courage and fair play to him on the ingenuity of his chat up line. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t having any of it. I simply thanked him so much for inviting me to the party and went downstairs in a fit of giggles, found my friend and left. I saw Simon a few times after that on nights out and although we never went on any proper dates, we still did the small talk thing each time. We were always polite to each other although neither of us ever uttered a word of the 38th snake while in each others’ presence.

The Serious Bit

As you well know, I left the previous post at a bit of a cliffhanger. I warned you all that I would be getting to the serious bit in my dating story and we have now reached that one. Don’t worry, I will keep this brief and skim over the details because we have plenty more dating mishaps to come once this bit is over. If it wasn’t vital to my experiences with men then I wouldn’t bother sharing it but it appears to be extremely vital!

Where did I get to before? Oh yes, it was 2011 and I had just lost my virginity on a one night stand (I’m currently making a ‘cringe’ face at my computer screen). A matter of weeks after this, during the very early hours of the 3rd March 2011 I was the victim of a sexual assault. I didn’t know the guy but I remember the details of the incident as clearly as if they happened yesterday. As I said, I won’t go into details but once it happened my housemate found me wrapped in a duvet, crying on blood stained sheets.

That was it. It was reported to the Police who I have to give a big up to because they were amazing! I was looked after, saw an incredible doctor and was updated all the time about the progress of my case to find the man. That night changed how I saw men and how I saw myself. As you’d expect, I stayed away from men for a long time after this. As is quite common with victims, a part of me blamed myself. I began to question everything in my life to do with men. My own Dad rejected me. No one wanted to be my boyfriend. Now a man has treated me like I am worth nothing. What am I doing wrong to bring this all onto myself?

I did warn you it was serious. But I also promised to keep it short: so now that the dirty laundry has been aired out, we can swiftly move on to the next man and dating. What you should know is that it was roughly a year until I started feeling safe enough to date again. I learned that I needed to take control of my life back and not let this random guy win. I should also just let you know that don’t worry, I don’t blame myself for this anymore! I know full well it was not my fault and you’ll be glad to hear that the guy was eventually found and now resides in prison for his crimes against me and multiple other girls.

Serious bit over. Now breathe ladies and gents…….

Callum* – The Big V

Ok, so at the ripe old age of 20 and just a few months shy of 21 I decided it was about bloody time I lost my virginity. Don’t get me wrong I am glad I waited till I was the last of my friends and older than everyone else was when they lost theirs. Call me old fashioned but I was and still remain a believer that a girl should wait it out until she feels completely comfortable to dive in for the first time. I also believe, however, that no matter how it happens it won’t be special and it will always be god damn awkward and uncomfortable!

It was February 14th in 2011 and I was out in an awful student club with some other single friends celebrating how we were all single for Valentine’s day. I wasn’t drinking because I had lectures the next day at Uni and got chatting to this guy Callum* who was also not drinking due to Uni the next day (I know, how boring of us). Anyway, we got on really well and had a good laugh for most of the night. He was also hot which was a bonus! He was studying Sports at the sister University to the one I was at and had no idea what he wanted to do after but was enjoying himself. He was funny, intelligent and was able to hold a conversation very well which made him really easy to chat to. As I was sat there chatting away I decided what the hell with it and asked if he wanted to come back to mine. He looked shocked when I asked but accepted my offer (what student guy wouldn’t accept this offer from a girl) and we walked towards the door of the club to get a taxi. As we did I, naively I accept, turned and said “Oh but just to let you know I’m a virgin if that’s OK?” Callum looked at me and started laughing! He wasn’t trying to be rude but just laughed because he couldn’t believe I had just told him. He asked if I was sure. Yes I was sure. I was turning 21 in a few months and the prospect of my first ever boyfriend still wasn’t looming around the corner so I figured why make it more of a deal that I felt it was. I was already anxious about the whole virginity thing so I made the adult decision that I was going to get rid of it on my terms.

So anyway. It happened. You don’t need details. It was just as awkward and uncomfortable as I had expected but Callum was extremely patient with me and really lovely about the whole thing. All in all it wasn’t a half bad first experience for me. We exchanged numbers the next day however I never spoke to or saw Callum again.

So, yes, you got it right. I lost my virginity at 20 on a one night stand with someone I had never met before! Some of you may think that’s slutty. I’m fine with that because it was on my terms and I waited a lot longer than everyone else had so screw you. I will forever remain grateful at my decision that night because unfortunately two weeks later I had my second sexual experience. This one was not on my terms and I was not shown the same caring and respectful nature that Callum had shown me. That is another story for another post and I’m afraid it’s a little bit of a serious one. Now don’t get all down on me, every story has a serious bit and unfortunately we have reached mine…..