As you know, I’m back into the realm of dating. In all honesty, I’ve not pushed it and I’m not very good at actively planning any dates. My life is busy at the moment and I’ve been working a lot. I’ve also been enjoying my free time so I’m happy. For the first time in a long time, I’m only thinking about what I want to do. My free time isn’t being dictated by someone else and I’m enjoying it. I’m digressing though so back to where we should be. Although I haven’t been on many dates, I have been casually messaging guys here and there. Just dipping a toe back into the cold, icy waters of dating before jumping in head first. I’ve noticed a few little things that guys do while texting which prove to me that they’re just not interested. It’s forced me to look back at other past frogs and scrutinise their old texting habits. I’ve managed to narrow down the ones that prove a guy (or girl) is just not that into you. If you’re messaging someone and they do any of these things, I would walk away if I were you… Or just maybe keep your options open!
1. The Ghoster
This one is obvious! If a guy ghosts you, walk away. Don’t make excuses for him. I don’t care if he was making loads of effort messaging you before and you think you two can really hit it off and be something great. As soon as he’s stopped messaging you, that’s it. Don’t send him another message just in case he hasn’t read your last one or needs reminding you’re there. If he needs reminding, then he was never that interested in you. If somebody likes you, they’ll make the effort to message you. If they are actually interested in you, they’ll reply. They shouldn’t need any reminders. If you find he’s lacking in a reply then forget about him and move on. In the words of the wise Ariana Grande,
Thank you, Next!
2. The “I’m Bad At Texting” Texter
This is the kind of guy who wants to ghost you but doesn’t want to be a complete arsehole out in the open. This guy will start messaging you and seem keen but at some point in the beginning he’ll make a point of saying something like “sorry, I’m really bad at messaging”. RED FLAG this shit right now! As I said above, if a guy likes you, he’ll message you. If he’s not interested, then he won’t.
A guy who tells you he’s bad at messaging is a guy who isn’t keen on you but wants to keep you on the hook just in case he wants some attention from you when it suits him. When I say keep you on the hook; it’s more like a really long arm’s length where he can hold you when something better comes along, then pull you back in when that better option has gone. Sometimes you can recognise this type of person because they’ll read your messages, not reply but then be active elsewhere liking your photos. Or they’re online but just blatantly ignoring your message. Let’s be honest with ourselves here, they’re ignoring you on purpose. I’m sorry for the reality but, they don’t like you. This is why I keep my settings private on messaging apps; so people can’t see when I’ve ignored their messages (I’m kidding… sort of). So, if a guy tells you at the start he’s terrible at messaging, he’s not keen I’m afraid so walk away. You’re worth more than that. It takes 60 seconds or less to just send a quick message to someone. Don’t get me wrong, he genuinely could be busy so don’t apply this rule every time! I’m talking about the guy who takes 3 days to reply to your messages and uses the excuse that he’s really bad at texting. If a guy can’t give you 60 seconds to reply to a message and leaves it for 3 days, it means he hasn’t thought about you once in those 3 days and just isn’t interested in you.
3. The Out Of The Blue Texter
This guy is the one who doesn’t speak to you for ages but then suddenly drops you a “Hey, how are you?” message randomly. This could be a previous love interest, fling or some guy you flirted with once but then he disappeared for a while. You’ll think to yourself how sweet it is that he’s messaged you and must be thinking about you. I’m afraid that’s not the truth! In reality, he wants something from you; probably some attention. It might be that he’s recently become single and feeling lonely so wants some attention. If he’s in a relationship then he’s the worst kind of guy! He’s messaging you out of the blue because he’s unhappy and thinks attention from you will make him feel better. He’s fucking about in his relationship. Do you really think he’s boyfriend potential? As I said before though, the out of the blue texter might not necessarily be taken. He might be single but just wanting attention from you. You’re not a first option in this situation; you’re just a girl he thinks will give him what he wants until he finds someone else. Trust me, once he’s had some attention from you to boost his ego, he’ll disappear again. As I always say, you’re worth more than that so back away. Thank you but no thank you Mr Out Of The Blue!
4. The Late Night Texter
This one states the obvious and ties into texter number 3. The late night texter just wants attention from you. He’s the guy who messages you late at night only. He’ll never say anything during the day. Any time after 10pm covers this guy! He’ll message you asking if you want to come over (notice he won’t suggest making the effort to come and see you) for a drink. He might message pretending he cares what you’re up to. What he’s really hoping for is a reply along the lines of “just lying in bed alone, bored”. That opens him up to try and get flirting, sexting or anything else from you. This guy really is just messaging you late at night to either get off or just boost his ego. If you’re up for that then be my guest and give him what he wants. Just make sure you get what you want from the exchange. If you’re hoping he’s Prince Charming then you my friend, are deluded!
5. The Man Of Few Words
This is the guy who just messages back one word messages. He doesn’t keep conversation flowing. He’s showing that he’s actually not bothered about talking with you. If you look at your texting conversations on your phone and you notice that your putting in all the effort with your words, put your phone down and walk away from it. You’re making all the effort and he’s just not that into you. This one’s easy so if you’re even wasting your time trying to squeeze blood from the stone then you’re an idiot. For those who didn’t get it, he’s the stone and the conversation is the blood. Just run away from this guy and find someone who wants to have conversations with you. Find a guy who wants to tell you about his day and ask you about yours. Find a guy who doesn’t just write one word messages back to you.
6. The “You’re Wife Material” Texter
I nearly wrote an entire post dedicated to this kind of guy but figured it wasn’t worth it and it could easily be condensed into this one. This guy will message you every now and then very complimentary of you. He’ll talk in text about how you’d make the perfect girlfriend and he can’t understand why you’re still single. Does he make you his girlfriend? No! Does he show any interest in wanting to take you on a date? He might but it never happens does it? He’s not interested in you I’m afraid! He probably really does think you’re awesome but he still doesn’t want to date you. The one I’ve had a few times is “you’re wife material”. You’re right, it is a compliment and I do appreciate it very much. However, every guy that’s ever said it to me has never had any interest in going on a date with me. I finally found out why recently. The guy that texts you calling you wife material sees you as the end game. You’re the kind of girl he wants to marry eventually. But he’s not ready for that commitment just yet. He doesn’t see you as someone to date because you’re the kind of girl who’s the end game. Why would a guy want to date a girl who’s already a ready made wife? He wouldn’t. He doesn’t want to fall into a relationship that he feels is a box bought marriage potential. That’s far too scary! For some weird reason, he’s ignored your flaws and decided you’re too ‘good’ for him to date. He wants to go out with a girl where there’s potential it might end. It’s less scary for him if there’s a chance he doesn’t have to commit fully for the long run.
Some complimentary guys are genuine! Some fall into this category. They don’t want to date you. They’re not interested because you’re ready made wife material and that scares the shit out of them!
So that’s the 6 main texter types to avoid if you’re after Mr Right. Obviously I’m not an expert in this; I just have a hell of a lot of experience with it all! These aren’t rules that apply to every single guy. There will be exceptions to these so don’t take them as gospel. To the girls shouting that the guy they’ve been texting is different even though he does all of these things… There there, I’m sure he is different and does really love you. Maybe just have a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you really believe that as much as you think you do.
Enjoy ladies and gents. I’m just off to wait for a reply to a message I sent 4 days ago from a guy who’s “really bad at texting” but tells me I’m wife material when he messages me at 11pm asking me to come over for a glass of wine (and breathe). Really, he’s different from all the others.