Scott – The Good Guy

I want to start this post with an apology. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write anything for a while. There is a reason behind it. A big one! Brace yourselves people, this is going to be a long post. Get a cup of tea/glass of wine and some snacks because we’re in this for the long run right now…..

You ready?

The reason I’ve been quiet for so long is because I have managed to bag myself a boyfriend!! A fully fledged, living, breathing boyfriend. Before I go on anymore I have to apologise again. I’ve had said boyfriend for a while now but with the blog awards looming I decided to keep him quiet until they were done with [on a side note, I didn’t win the award]. Once the blog awards were over, life just kept getting in the way of writing a blog post about it. I guess a part of me also felt like because I didn’t win the award what was the point in writing anymore; but that’s a whole other issue in itself. Anyway, although I’ve had a birthday since and am now 27 I got my first ever boyfriend at 26 years old. I’ve managed to keep him for coming up eight months now. EIGHT MONTHS!!!

I’ll go back to the beginning. We met on Bumble (the dating app) where I was trying to find guys to give me new blog material. There I matched with Scott (no asterisk needed because that’s his real name). His pictures were nice, he was very handsome and so I figured why not! For those who have never used Bumble, it’s basically the same as Tinder in the swipe left and right sort of way except that it’s designed to give women the control. If you match with someone the girl has to message first within 24 hours or the match disappears. So I had to message first! Oh Christ this isn’t ideal for me because I’m useless with chat up lines. My solution? Google. I kid you not my exact search on Google was ‘best chat up lines on dating apps’ and I promised to use the first one. Life is low when you have to Google search chat up lines. The top result was my winning opener so I quickly copied it down and sent the message. Sorry Scott, I also sent the same message to about 4 other matches. It was research… for science… maybe. Within ten minutes he replied. Oh right I should tell you my chat up line, you might want it for future use. Thanks to Google I sent, “tell me two truths and one lie”. Scott’s reply was “you’re very beautiful, Virgin is better than British Airways, we’re going for dinner this weekend” well unfortunately work was taking me to Antigua that weekend so no dinner plans for us so it must have been his lie. Instead we arranged to meet for drinks the following week.

To be completely honest with you (he’s said this too so will agree with me) neither of us were that fussed to begin with. Yeah we had a good laugh together and he was amazing at fitting in dates whenever worked with my work rota but I don’t think either of us were really that bothered about whether it was going anywhere or not. After about a month of talking and a few dates, Scott went on holiday with his Dad and brother. We didn’t talk much while he was away and I figured, like every other time, things were beginning to fizzle out and it was the end. I was wrong and boy am I glad about that now. When Scott returned from holiday he messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up again; I agreed. We had a good laugh together so why not! From there things naturally progressed but not too quickly. We spent a lot of time meeting for drinks and dinner or afternoon coffee (hot chocolate for me). After only 2 months of dating we decided what the hell and booked a few days away in Prague. I mean I’m not conventional so this was ok for me. I was a little nervous leading up to it though; what if he murdered me while we were away? What if something bad happened? I mean, I don’t really know this guy that much do I? My worries were put to rest when I fell ill less than two weeks before our trip away. I was really ill with something caught on a work trip. Scott had time off work as it was just after Christmas (I know, sorry it really has been that long) and this wonderful man came over and sat with me nearly every single day. He just sat with me while I was unbelievably ill and watched rubbish films with me and cuddled me. It was his idea of hell cuddling me on the sofa watching movies but he did it anyway. All my fears of going away together melted after that and I could tell he was alright. I mean, what guy spends his time with a sick girl knowing he won’t get anything in return? A good one.

I am always honest here so another truth is that I still wasn’t 100% sure how I felt about Scott at this point. I think I was scared, terrified in fact. Here was this guy who I liked and normally that means something will go wrong and he’ll get rid of me. But instead we were planning a holiday so soon! A part of me knew I liked him but another part couldn’t tell if maybe I just liked the idea of him wanting to be with me. I told my friends that I’d see how Prague went but I think I knew it would go well. Jesus I was optimistic about a guy! That never happens.

Skip forward and Prague was amazing! It was one of the best holidays I’ve ever had. It snowed and we explored the city. Scott had booked a beautiful hotel. We held hands and kissed on Charles bridge. He messed around picking me up and throwing me in the snow. We laughed (a lot) and spent the time really getting to know each other. Cue the romantic music in the background because I don’t know what to tell you guys other than, it was perfect! No funny stories about things going wrong I’m afraid. I started falling hard for Scott during that trip. No guy has ever treated me like this before or made me feel like I deserve to be treated like this. He was and still is of course the best I’ve ever had (yes, in that way too. Really. The best ever! Sorry, Scott for making that public knowledge).

Once back from Prague things continued on. We spent time meeting each other’s families and planning more trips we wanted to go on. I met his boss and work friends. I was and still am one half of a couple. When the hell did I become someone’s girlfriend? Scott and I carried on growing stronger and stronger together. Obviously I had no idea what I was doing. At some point the reality started to settle in that maybe I’m not cut out to be someone’s girlfriend. I was scared everyday that he might break up with me after realising I’m clueless and he’s better than me. I’d lie awake at night and look at him just to remind myself it’s real; I’ve found someone and he’s still here. Sometimes, like a weirdo, I would sit and just look at Scott. I liked to just take him in and admire how damn good looking he is! He’d catch me staring and shake his head with a smile. He lets me do it now. He knows I’m just looking and he understands why. It’s because by this point I’m falling in love and staring at him like a psycho just proves to me he’s really there.

Since then we’ve been on more trips to New York, Mallorca and a trip to Centre Parcs with his family. We see each other when we can which for me isn’t enough but we make it work. We’ve had Valentine’s day together and birthdays together. The poor man has experienced coming into the bathroom to see a naked me crouched on the floor with wet hair and throwing up in the toilet crying! Scott is an absolute Saint who treats me like a princess. Skip back to my first ever Valentine’s day with a guy in my life! I bought him tickets for us to watch his favourite football team on Valentine’s day (I know someone get me some goalie gloves because I’m a keeper). He went one further and bought me a designer purse and surprised me with roses. Jesus it’s amazing I went so long not knowing how much I love all this soppy stuff. For the first time ever I’ve told a guy I love them. Granted we were out with my friends in Brighton and I drunkenly told Scott I love him in the middle of a gay club. I believe my words were “I don’t know if I am but I think I am. I mean I don’t think I’ve ever been in love but I think I love you”. Smooth girl, real smooth. He didn’t say it back. He smiled at me and said “you’re the most amazing girl in the world”. I’m ok with that. Can’t force these things and besides I think he does love me really but just won’t say it out loud yet.

Also seriously why did no one warn me that being happy in a relationship brought along the extra fat pockets on my stomach, thighs and arse! This happy weight is something I never knew about. Be warned people; being happy makes you fat (well slightly bigger. I’m exaggerating).

Now? I’ve settled in. We have a very open and honest relationship. I can talk to him about anything that I’m worrying about or feeling. I feel like maybe I can do this. I am capable of being a girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared. I worry if he feels distant or has an excuse not to see me. I’m a ridiculous worrying mess sometimes when it comes to us. He jokes that I worry about what day of the week it is (I don’t). The reality is I’m scared that he doesn’t love me yet. If after this long he still doesn’t love me will he ever? I’m scared every single day that Scott will break up with me. He might find someone better or someone that hasn’t put a load of happy weight on. He might get bored of being so incredibly patient with me. There might be some awful excuse to end it with me. That’s what all those other guys did to me. I live in fear of losing this because all I know is men hurting me. All I’ve ever known is that I’ve never been good enough for someone, anyone and yet maybe I am now. I just need to figure out how to let go and enjoy it. I need to trust that if Scott becomes unhappy with me, he’ll tell me. I also need to trust that he won’t hurt me unnecessarily. He’s a good one and I can’t wait to see the future. In the mean time, if I go quiet again for a while it’s because I’m happy. If you see a blog post soon, it’s either a funny story about Scott and I or there’ll be a shortage of tissues because I’m crying and heartbroken

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Sean* – Stranger Boy Racer

Yes, the job title of this guy sounds intriguing. It’s not exciting, I just don’t know what his actual job is so this will do. You’ll understand why as the story unfolds.

As your detective skills have already determined from reading my previous posts, it’s clear that I work as cabin crew. On this particular day after landing back from a long haul night flight, my car was dying for a drink so I stopped at a petrol station on the way home to satisfy the poor thing. It was this supermarket petrol station that set the scene for my oh so romantic encounter with Sean*, the stranger boy racer. I’m going to inspire you to imagine how this looks for an outsider. Yes I am in full uniform which some may find attractive (I don’t) however, after working a nine hour night flight on about 4 hours sleep for the previous 24 hours, my hair was a mess, my make up had slipped from my face and I’m pretty sure it was hard to determine whether the dark circles under my eyes was smudged eye make up or genuine evidence of how shattered I was. To put it bluntly, I looked like a zombie from an apocalypse movie who had just happened to stumble across the uniform of a flight attendant and put it on for kicks.

After paying for my petrol and buying a much needed sugar kick in the form of a toffee crisp, I got in my car and willed myself to start the journey home. As I was pulling away and driving towards the exit, I could see a car start to jolt forward from one of the petrol pumps that was to my left. This car kept coming forward towards me so I had to swerve to the right of me to avoid being hit. The other car stopped and I followed suit. I looked to see some guy who couldn’t have been any older that twenty looking at me and getting out of his car. Again, I followed his lead and got out the car and vaguely remember the words “What is wrong with you? Did you decide to just not look at all when you nearly drove into the side of me?” He just stood there and looked at me for a minute. Ok this feels uncomfortable. His excuse for why he’d nearly smashed into my car was ridiculous. It’s something you think would be really cute to hear and some awful screen writer somewhere has probably used it as the way two people meet before falling in love. To me it sounded like the stupidest thing I’d ever heard and I almost felt insulted I looked like the kind of girl who would fall for it. I kid you not when I tell you that his reply to my anger was “I’m so sorry. I saw you getting back into your car and I needed an excuse to talk to you because I think you’re stunning. I figured even if I did hit you, the bump in my insurance would be worth it.” Please, Lord, give me strength. Naturally I was a little speechless by this. I looked anything but stunning and I’m pretty sure I was wearing a big sign on my forehead saying ‘Fuck off. I am not in the mood’. He continued on to ask me for my number like it was the most normal thing in the world after he’d nearly rammed his modified Renault Clio into my passenger door. First of all, get rid of those stupid wheel rims and throw out the awful low modified bumper you’ve got; you’re not 17 anymore buddy. Second of all, absolutely no thank you! I politely declined, muttered something about being more careful next time and got back into the car to make my escape and get to my bed!

What guy in their right mind thinks that would be the best way to get a girl’s number? I mean, obviously he was a little cocky and thought I’d fall weak at the knees at his grand gesture but what sonny boy over here didn’t think of was the fact I just didn’t care. Boys, if ever you think it’s ok to nearly drive into a girl as an attempt to get her number… Think again. First of all, it’s stupid. Second of all, it’s stupid. Third of all, it’s stupid. I do hope the little tyke finds a girl who’s heart melts at his risky attempts of romance. I, however, will move on to find a man who does the old fashioned stuff that doesn’t mean a nearly smashed up car.

Bad Things Come in Threes

You know when you’re having 24 hours that seem like all the bad stuff is happening in one go? Well I had that. Yes, I am being extremely over dramatic about this particular 24 hours; but I have every right to be. During the 24 hours in question, I received three messages from three different men. None of the messages were good. One was ridiculous. The second was actually just really rude. The third one really upset me; it hit me hard but in the same way it was also quite unbelievable. Enough so that I had to send it to my friends to read so I knew I wasn’t imagining things….. so naturally I had to write about it.

The first message I received was from a guy at work who I have never met. I mean, I’ve never seen him and I’ve never even heard his name before.

work-fo

First of all, my name is not Georgia. It never has been and never will be but easy mistake to make. Second of all, you’re right, you don’t know me. How can I trust you when you are a complete stranger? The most important and final point of this is that your so called Chinese whisper is completely untrue! I know I’ve written about two pilots on here but he is not referring to either of those. I know the pilot this guy is referring to though. I once worked a St Lucia trip with him and he was memorable for the wrong reasons! He played this cute schoolboy with a crush act on all the girls in the hope that one would fall for his charms. Unfortunately for him, none on our particular crew fell for it (I guess he had better luck elsewhere). This particular guy has made a name for himself because he sleeps around the crew (Yes, I know. I was one of those moronic crew members who fell for it with other pilots and I have blog posts to prove it) and pretends like he really likes them. Who are these naive girls that fall for his game? They need a slap! The one thing about this one that SHOULD be the big flashing, red deterrent for the stupid girls who sleep with him……. he’s married!! He wears a gold band on the ring finger of his left hand. As my unknown friend in the message above has made clear though, his friend obviously doesn’t care about her fella’s wedding vows.

What happened to girl power and girls sticking up for each other? Aren’t we supposed to help each other out? No wonder some (not all) guys walk all over some of us. Certain women hand men that power by screwing (literally) behind their backs. Now untwist your knickers and stop moaning, I know it isn’t everyone and I know full well that girls cheat on their boyfriends and husbands too. I just hate that women have fought so hard TOGETHER for equality throughout the ages and yet here we are, watching women (and some men) screw each other over. Just leave each others’ husbands and boyfriends alone alright?

 

Message number two on this fateful day was from a guy that I dated very briefly. We had a total of three dates together and he was nice enough but there just wasn’t any kind of va va voom for me. We didn’t have a lot in common which I know isn’t always important, but it just wasn’t there for me. He ignored me first via messages though so I figured he felt the same way and left it at that. Which brings me to this random message from him…. three months later

sorry-message

Come on!! Really? This was necessary to send why? He had an out. This echoes previous guys I’ve written about and brings me back to my point where guys just have to be the ones to end it. They can’t accept it when a girl makes the decision to end something so they have to try and get in the last word. Derek was my most recent frog who just couldn’t handle not being in control of the end. This guy just couldn’t hack it that we’d both kind of ignored each other. He had to have the last word to end it. Come on, he lacks all kind of style really. Don’t try to make out like it’s my fault because I work away a lot and then put me down by saying you are out of my league. If you’re going to be a complete tool then own it. Be confident in your utter toolness. Be the best tool you can be. I guess I have to appreciate that he did tell me to ‘take care’ and took the time to put a kiss at the end. I feel like he really meant it too.

 

The third and final message I received in this over dramatic period ending my 2016 was a tough one. What was even tougher was figuring out how I could write about it whilst also keeping the complete anonymity of the man in question. In order to do that I’ve decided not to include the message in this post. Even though I cried, shook with anger and also sat in a state of shock for a few minutes, this man has people close to him who’s anonymity needs to remain protected.

You know those moments when you look up to the sky, to a God, to the Universe maybe or just because you don’t know what else to do? This was one of them. I believe my exact words were “Are you kidding me?” to nobody in particular. My phone had buzzed so when I looked at it to read the message I had received, nothing could have prepared me for what I opened. A message from the Father (yes, Father) of a man I had previously dated. This message was inappropriate. It is important to me that you don’t jump to conclusions here. There was no offensive language or any details of a disgusting nature. There were no dick pics (thank god) or requests for pictures from me. There was simply the mention of a kiss and the implied nature of where it would lead. I don’t know if alcohol was involved but I can only assume it was in this instance. I was gutted. I cried a bit. Not because I was scared or anything. I cried because I was embarrassed for this man. I also cried because this message meant that I could never have any romantic relationship ever again with his son. Any possibility of seeing his son again was destroyed with his message to me. I replied telling him that he was being completely inappropriate with me and that he should never contact me again. He agreed. He knew what he’d done was wrong. Do I tell his son? Do I send him the message and fracture his relationship with his Dad? I decided not to. I couldn’t put him through that and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t using it as an excuse to talk to him again. Was that the right decision? I don’t know but I’m only human. Naturally I sent the message to my friends and after the initial shock we all laughed. Honestly, how the hell do I end up in these situations?! What did I ever do in a previous life to become the butt of almost every dating joke imaginable?

So that was the 24 hours. Three messages from three different men; all completely unrelated. At least this proves that every day really does bring something new and unexpected to life and for me, every day brings me new material to write about.

Tinder Tidbits; Take Two

Previously in the post titled ‘Tinder Tidbits’ I posted pictures of messages that I had received and also sent while toying with the popular dating app. I also included pictures of messages not on Tinder. This post is mainly just pictures of various messages on various social media platforms or means of contact all in one place. I figured the title just lead on nicely from the Tinder Tidbits post.

This first one really is from Tinder.

normal-looking

I mean, is it a compliment? I get the impression he didn’t mean it as one but decided as an after thought ‘actually if it makes you feel better take it as a compliment but yeah you’re kind of normal looking’. Apparently I’m not anything special to look at but on the plus side, at least I’m normal looking. Um, thank you?

This next guy took a different approach in complimenting me. After I didn’t reply to his first message, he waited a whole nine months to message me again giving me my compliment. Much better than normal looking. I just hope I am still sexy!

still-sexy

As you can see, this next one was via Facebook. I am not friends with this person and have never ever met him but he sent me this random message! I mean, he’s got balls I have to say and his complimenting skills are top notch compared to other guys previously so bravo my friend.

f-beautiful

This next set of messages consists of three photos from one night and one from about a month later. The dates are on the pictures with the messages. This is a guy that I met years ago through a friend of mine. We never dated but we are friends on Facebook.

There seems to be a common view that women are more likely to show signs of needy behaviour or act clingy with guys. Men worry that if a girl messages too much, she’s obviously a psycho who will trap him into a relationship or even worse…. marriage!! God forbid you message someone more than once in the space of seven hours. Saying that however, this guy really takes the prize for needy behaviour….

Well he’s certainly persistent. Also extremely charming obviously. To add the icing, cherry and little sugar swirl decorations on the cake…. he has a girlfriend!!

Ah you’ve got to love the wonderful world where phones can take screenshots of the stuff you really want to see again and again and again.

Derek* – Management

Right then, I have to backtrack for this tale because it did actually happen before my previous post. I just couldn’t wait to write about the disastrous date with a guy and his Mother so had to skip this story and figured I could go back to it. You don’t mind do you? Good. Also this guy actually chose his name for the blog and wanted to settle on Roger but there was no way I was going to write a story about being rogered by Roger!! I stuck with the first name he chose instead. I also want to say that although his actions at the end weren’t ideal, this frog (from what I know) isn’t actually a bad guy. He has a good heart in there somewhere and one day a girl will be good enough in his eyes to find it. His actions may have been rubbish but a part of me hoped I’d see him again.

About six weeks ago I got up and left to travel a bit around Bali and Singapore for a few weeks. I’ve always wanted to go to Bali so I decided that credit cards would be my answer to finally take the time to go (they weren’t the answer but I’m figuring that out now). I was going to be out there alone so I decided that to be on the safe side, and to make sure I was making the most of my time out there, I would book onto a tour package. My activities and accommodation for Bali would be all sorted plus I’d get to meet some new people without the hassle of sorting everything out. Yeah, yeah I know what you’re thinking; in my job I’m basically on holiday all the time! But I needed some time away from everyone and everything that is back here in the UK. Work doesn’t allow me to be away from it all but a few weeks off work in Bali with people who had never met me before gave me the perfect opportunity. I could clear my head and have some kind of escape. I’m not one of those morons who goes to a different country and then comes back insisting that I “found myself” and I’m all “enlightened”. To the people who do say that, get a grip! Getting drunk on a beach in Thailand or Indonesia for a few weeks/months (delete as appropriate) doesn’t make you some kind of enlightened, spiritual being. All I am saying is that I needed to escape for a while. Anyway, that’s not important.

My first night in Bali was to be spent getting to know everyone else who had booked onto the same tour. We all met in the hotel lobby and the introductions commenced. Some of the last to meet us were Derek* and James*. First impressions? They were both attractive, sunburnt and a really nice looking couple (Sorry guys but I did think you were a couple at first). Spoiler alert, they weren’t a couple. They were just two straight lads from England. The evening progressed with us all heading to a restaurant hidden off the main street for some dinner and drinks. I ended up sat next to Derek at both dinner and then afterwards when playing drinking games. This meant I had plenty of time to get to know him a little and also have a really good laugh (his banter was top notch I should add). I laughed more than I had in ages which is exactly what I needed. Derek was easy to talk to and had a positive energy about him that just seemed to radiate; although the radiating may have been his sunburn. Of course everyone had a lot to drink and we all gravitated from one bar to the next before ending up in a club(?) type place. The entire group were just amazing. Throughout the week, each and every person had their own incredible stories and each person interested me with their different lives and interests. One of my worst habits is that I can talk about work way too much but this group just let me, and they listened. Bless them for that! They all deserve some medals for that torture. On that first night, I knew I’d have a good week with that group of delinquents (I miss them already).

Whilst in this club I went outside to get some fresh air because apparently I thought there would be fresh air outside in Indonesia; there wasn’t! It was just as hot outside as it was inside but being the stubborn girl that I am, I still sat for a bit to try and cool down. Before long, Derek came outside and sat with me. He was talking to me for a bit and then he kissed me; no point me dragging that out. It’s important that you remember here that he kissed me. As in he initiated it. As in he was the one who leaned in and put his lips on mine. He made the choice without any hesitation and without any hint from me. Just you know, to make that clear. I liked him so I wasn’t complaining. Me not complaining was just me kissing him back. Not going to sugar coat this next bit but we ended up spending the night together. Oh shush, I can already hear your judgements through my screen! What you have to remember is that I am twenty six years old and I am in complete control of my body. I will do whatever and whoever I want with it. I have endured enough physical, emotional and sexual abuse throughout my time to know that I have the right to say yes when I want to. Women have earned that right. Yeah, alright fine, so for someone who pretends she doesn’t care what you all think I sure did jump straight on the defensive!

You don’t need details, I’m sure you all know how the whole thing works. The next morning Derek got up and left and then we all went about our day. Everybody met for breakfast before heading off to begin our week exploring together. The next few days Derek tried to talk to me as little as possible! I got the feeling he was desperate to stay as far away from me as he could and he pretty much succeeded. Luckily I was too busy taking in the beauty of all that Bali had to offer. I knew what that first night was. It was two consenting adults, drinking alcohol and then fooling around. I understood that it meant nothing and I’m a grown up. I hardly expect anything more these days given my track record and the fact I repel men. The least I expected was for Derek to act normal with me afterwards like an adult on the same level as me. He obviously did the classic thing and assume that every girl is just desperate for a relationship straight away. Apparently women aren’t allowed to just have a one night stand and enjoy it without there being a hidden agenda. Then I started to doubt myself. Maybe he didn’t want other girls to know in case it ruined his chances with them. Maybe he was embarrassed about it. I get it. I’ve grown up with two sisters and was constantly reminded that I’m “the ugly one of the three” so it isn’t exactly news to me that I’m not the most attractive girl. I do fully believe though that Derek was not out of my league (despite what he probably thinks. Sorry buddy, but you’re not better than me). The grown ass (arse), strong, independent woman in me knocked back my insecure, debilitating thoughts and just focused on enjoying my time away! If Derek wanted to be weird around me then so be it.

Further through the week I started to learn that Derek was a guy who liked getting attention from girls. He still seemed like a nice guy and I can’t knock him for anything. He genuinely was alright, when he had the balls to be near me and not scared I might try to trap him into some kind of relationship. Dude (yes, I did just use the word dude), it was a one night stand. Chill out! On our fourth night away, I decided screw it and took an opportunity when he was alone watching football to go and chat to him. He seemed less that amused at this and I could sense he was a little uncomfortable. Apparently my metaphorical balls are bigger than his real ones at times. Anyway, he was a gentleman and still humoured me with answers to my questions. He let me try my best not to talk about work too much and I was genuinely interested in hearing about his work. He seemed different while I was listening to him on his own. He obviously wasn’t interested in trying to impress me and the way he spoke was just simple and raw. It was honest. Oh bollocks. I can hear it now. My bloody brain is thinking that actually he doesn’t live that far away so maybe I could see him again. Don’t be ridiculous.

Skipping forward a bit because you don’t read this to hear about my travels do you? On the second to last night we all went out, again and again, Derek decided to kiss me; in front of the entire group! He proceeded to take my hand and walk me back to the hotel. I wasn’t exactly kicking and screaming here but I wasn’t putting any hope out either. I still knew precisely what this all was. I checked with myself and I was ok with it. The last few days Derek seemed much more comfortable around me. He sat with me on the beach while he watched the sunset; all of us did! It wasn’t some romantic thing. He made jokes about having some ridiculous, couple looking photos taken to screw with people. He went back to the Derek from the very first night. This was the much more attractive, less uptight version that I preferred. Naturally we spent the last night together too only this one was different. Derek got weird again! He made a comment about the fact he wasn’t going to ask me for my number and gave me some kind of awful excuse that he only uses his phone for work stuff.
Note to Derek – get better excuses to use on girls. Also don’t assume that you’re God’s gift to women and we just can’t resist you.

He went back to that weird Derek I didn’t really like. Now we all know I can be too honest sometimes and this night was no exception! I told him flat out I knew he was trying to pie me off (basically some awful made up slang just meaning get rid of me). I’ve heard every excuse in the book from all sorts of guys so I knew what it was. I also explained that I’m not an idiot and I understand exactly what it all was. We were two adults who had fun for a week but now it was over because we were both going our separate ways. I knew I wouldn’t see him again. This is where things got interesting. Here is where suddenly, Derek’s penis panicked. The Y chromosome in his genetic make up had a minor panic attack because all it could think was “what is happening? Why is this girl in control of this? Something doesn’t fit here. I can’t cope that the girl has taken control and ended it. Girls aren’t supposed to be cool with one night stands/flings that aren’t going anywhere. Girls are supposed to want men for long term stuff so we can break it off and hurt them. Girls aren’t meant to have the power. It must end on man’s terms”. After spending time within his own head having this slight panic and confusion Derek changed his tune and told me that actually who knows what might happen. We can’t put pressure on seeing each other again or forcing it but we might see each other again (top points for the ambiguity here). I don’t want you to think I’m a dick because I’m not (too late, I kind of already think you are one for trying to pull me back into this game). Luckily my experience has taught me to always be sceptical and not to trust too much of what men say (Oh god I really am screwed for thinking this) so I didn’t buy what he was saying and we went our separate ways to bed.

The next morning was my last day in Bali before moving on to Singapore while Derek was staying in Bali for a few more nights. I got up early and packed my stuff together before going to say goodbye to everyone. I really was going to miss everyone from my time in Bali! I had built a friendship with James (Derek’s friend/housemate) and we’d got on really well so I was gutted to be saying goodbye to some new friends so soon. I went in to say bye to Derek for the last time but he beckoned me over to climb into bed next to him. He put his arm around me, kissed me on the head and told me to take care and message him when I got to Singapore. Seriously Derek stop with the games! Why are you trying to drag this out? I know exactly what it is and I know for a fact that you have no interest in ever talking to or seeing me again. I rolled my eyes (he couldn’t see this) and decided on a non committal “take care and enjoy the rest of your travels. I’ve had such a lovely week. Thank you” before getting up and leaving. I closed the door behind me and told the others to give him a minute because he was devastated I was leaving. He just needed time to gather himself (had to get a quick laugh in obviously). Then I left the island of Gili T and headed back to Bali airport. Onwards and upwards. I felt proud of myself. Of course I’d like to see him again but I knew from the start the reality of it. I’ve been there too many times before and I’m so proud that I left it where it was.

Was it over here? Of course it bloody wasn’t! Derek just couldn’t handle that I’d been in control. That it had finished on my terms. For goodness sake you don’t want to see me again so just leave it alone! Just accept that I understood it didn’t mean anything to you. I got to Bali airport and had a Facebook message waiting for me from him telling me to message him when I got to Singapore and to have safe travels. I should have left it there! I should have completely stuck to my guns and ignored him but noooooo. Me being me thought well maybe he does want to see me again or maybe he does want to keep in touch (IDIOT). Hindsight really is a bitch because now I wish I could have screamed at myself to just stop. But I couldn’t. We messaged on and off a bit for the next few weeks until… nothing. He just stopped and I haven’t heard from him since. I knew he wasn’t interested. I knew what kind of guy he was and I knew exactly what we were doing. But I just couldn’t help myself at the end. I gave him an out. I gave him the perfect opportunity to get away with never talking to me again but that didn’t feel right to him. He wanted it to finish on his terms and with me feeling like the idiot. Bravo Derek. Bravo. You succeeded. He plays a good game. I was so close to getting out of that one alive, with my head held high and my emotions still in tact. But in true me style, of course it could never have ended like that.

Next time I’ll trust my gut instinct and I will not message back after I’ve cut things off. Haha we all know that’s not true.

Ben* – Property Development

So obviously the David Experiment didn’t have a lasting, positive outcome. Instead it proved that a particular name has absolutely no effect on the type of man christened with said name. The clearly very scientific research conducted into the name David has no scientific standing whatsoever! Academics will be so upset everywhere. In light of my failed attempts to find the perfect (for me) David, I got myself back on the dating apps and started swiping people with other names too. Whilst swiping away, I matched with a guy called Ben* and after the standard small talk that happens every time, we arranged to meet up for a drink…

Note: before I matched and started chatting with Ben, I actually have another story before him. I went traveling for a few weeks around Bali and Singapore and met a guy there. Unfortunately this story about Ben was way to good to keep everyone waiting!! My next blog post about the guy from Bali will have to back track. Trust me! I couldn’t wait to write this one.

Back to Ben. In his messages he seemed alright. He was a property developer who lived fairly close by and worked around London. He was easy to talk to and I didn’t feel like I had to drag conversation out of him (which I hate). I have a tendency to talk about work too much, mainly because it interests me. Sometimes I worry and have to stop myself before my date hands me an anorak and binoculars and tells me to stand at the end of a runway (a common joke about plane spotters). The fact that Ben was good at keeping it all moving forward was a great sign to me. Anyway, we agreed on when and where to meet up and I seemed hopeful for a good date (HAHA! I can’t believe I was so naive).

I arrived after Ben and he was already sat at a little table near the bar with a drink. I smiled and made a beeline for the bar to get myself something. He stood and said hello with a polite kiss on the cheek and we sat and began chatting. It started with the bog standard “hey, how was work?” etc which moved onto how long we’ve done our jobs for and so on and so forth. About twenty minutes in Ben’s phone, which was on the table, started buzzing. He picked it up, looked at the screen, sighed a little and then returned the phone to the table. Stuff like that doesn’t bother me so I asked “Did you want to take that? I really don’t mind at all”. He thanked me but declined and carried on explaining his work to me. The phone started buzzing again to which he, again, looked at the screen and sighed. “Seriously, it must be important. I really don’t mind if you need to just take the call”. I really didn’t mind! If it’s important then I would hate to think he missed it just to be polite. I didn’t hear the whole conversation but just heard bits of his end that concerned me slightly “Mum…… yeah we’re here still…… oh really? Ok well sure come and meet us……” Excuse me? What? Come and meet us? Mum? How many more question marks can I fit in just a few lines? Bearing in mind I’ve just met this guy, he’s told his Mum she can come and sit with us on our first date.

Ben returns to the table and sits back down. “Is everything OK?” I ask and he replies with “Yeah it was just Mum but everything is fine.” No mention of her coming here. Maybe I heard it wrong then or just missed a bit of the conversation. We go back to our conversation for another ten minutes or so when it happened. “Ben, darling”. I absolutely did not hear that phone conversation wrong because there she was, clear as the look of horror on my face at that exact moment, a woman who must have been in her mid fifties wearing an outfit that could have been from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, arms outstretched and smiling our way. What. The. Actual. Holy. Mother. Of. All. Things. Kill me now. Kill me now. I can’t even run away. Ben stands up and greets his Mother like what is happening is the most normal thing in the world right now! I look around for my nearest emergency exit and seriously consider just running through it. My bag and coat will have to be left behind now; collateral damage. Instead, I remain a vision of calm and poise and stand up to introduce myself and say hello to this woman. Just to remind you all. I’ve been in the physical presence of this guy for a total of around thirty minutes at this point. Half an hour! I’m now meeting his Mother!

The Mother asks me what I do for a living so I tell her I’m cabin crew. From the look on her face anyone would think I’ve just told this woman I skin dolphins for a living. I thought maybe she hadn’t heard me correctly so I carried on saying which company I work for and that I really enjoy the travel aspect of the job. Rather than feigning the same politeness that I was doing so expertly, she asked me something that made me want to pick up my lime and soda and throw it over her, “Have you ever thought about doing something more with your life? I mean it’s not a very respectable job is it. Are your parents proud of you for that?” *Silence*

Ben never said a word through this. I couldn’t say anything either. I ignored the questions but she just couldn’t let it go! She was rude, arrogant and completely oblivious to what she was doing. “You know my sweetie Ben has had some lovely girlfriends in the past. They’ve had some very top jobs up in London…” on and on and on it goes. I DON’T CARE is screaming inside of my head. I need to get out. Where is my escape? She just can’t stop talking. It feels like somebody is scratching their nails down a chalkboard while playing the bagpipes really badly and swinging a cat around in a pillowcase (No animals were actually harmed in the making of this imaginary scenario). I’m starting to feel myself coming to the end of my tether. I’m standing on the edge at breaking point! While they were both just at the bar I’ve already sent messages to my friend telling her the horror of what is going on! Once back, Ben’s Monster (sorry, I spelled Mother wrong) suddenly seemed rather intrigued about my employment. She wanted to know more information about what us mere cabin crew servants get up to on our trips away. She asked me if it’s true that we all sleep around. This was too perfect an opportunity to miss! If I didn’t grab this bull by the absolute balls right now I would regret it. I knew I’d never see this guy again and I knew I never wanted to see his Mother again so I just couldn’t resist in letting my answer slip, “Yeah we do. We all get together on trips and have massive orgies in each others’ rooms” Obviously I let out a little laugh to make it sound like maybe I was joking. She wasn’t amused. I looked around waiting for my round of applause but no one else was listening.

Finally this was where Ben decided to speak up, “Mum, do you think maybe you could leave now so that we can talk? I’ll see you at home later.” With that, he kissed her on the cheek and walked her outside, hopefully into the lake across the road. He came back and we spent the next thirty minutes awkwardly trying to salvage what we could from this date. No apology for the way his Mother acted was received. We both knew this was it. There was nothing to save here. I just hope for his sake, he learns to stand up to her and not let her crash any more of his dates! We left our separate ways before we’d even finished our drinks and today, (the morning after the date) I have heard nothing from him. I must have done something really really bad in a previous life to deserve that one last night!! Good luck to the next girl who dates him…. and his Mother.

 

David #4 – Pilot (Ergh, I know)

As you can tell from the title of this post, I already know exactly what you’re all thinking; especially those who work with me. I’ll get to it later about the fact he’s a pilot. For those who want to try and guess who the man in question is… don’t bother because this happened a while ago now! It wasn’t on a recent trip as I tend to leave it a few weeks before writing about my frogs now. I won’t draw this out any longer; let’s get on with the show.

What’s important about this story is that his name isn’t actually David! I know, I know, it kind of defeats the point of being in the David experiment but I don’t actually know his real name!! The Captain and the man in question had been joking around on their previous night and had come up with nicknames for each other. Said pilot was christened Comedy Dave so that’s all I knew him as! Maybe his name is Dave but I don’t know unfortunately. For that reason, I’ve included him as a David. I’m the one tapping away at the keys so all you can do is accept that this is what I’ve done.

For this story you should know that for some of our one night trips, us cabin crew don’t fly home with the same pilots we flew out with. So, on a one night stop over in the Caribbean I met David who is a pilot. I didn’t fly out with David but he was working home with us. I didn’t know any of my crew but it is customary that crew meet for a much needed alcoholic beverage when we arrive at our exotic destination. The flight out had been busy and a little hectic so I definitely needed a cocktail! I’ll skip ahead a bit…… Whilst sitting down on the beach with a mango daiquiri in hand one of the crew members pointed at two guys sitting at the bar “That must be our flight crew taking us home” (crew members stick out like a sore thumb so you can spot them a mile away). She proceeded to jump up and go and invite them over. I recognised the first officer (co-pilot for those not in the industry) straight away and began racking my brain (Ahh I remember, a Jersey night stop last year). Some vague introductions were made and he recognised me so we chatted about how he’d moved from short haul to long haul and some other boring work crap. Rather than dragging out the small talk bit I’ll just tell you that he was absolutely hilarious and we got on really well. We both had a good laugh and conversation flowed. There was banter flying around and more alcohol consumed over the night.

Slowly people started to peel away from the group until only a handful of us remained. Then some idiot suggested going in the sea (god I hate when crew get drunk and suggest the ocean at night as a good idea)! Of course by this point we all thought it was a bloody good idea so in the sea we went! Some got down to underwear, some girls figured screw it and went topless. I, on the other hand, panicked because I suddenly remembered I had decided to put on some ugly big knickers that were a faded white colour with some kind of grey pattern on. Christ what was I thinking? Well I was thinking that after a long flight I wanted to be comfortable and didn’t plan on anyone seeing my stupid, massive (like practically Bridget Jones style) knickers! My only solution was to keep my top on and pull it down so it was long enough to cover my sizable pants; luckily it was long enough. We all splashed around and continued chatting and moaning about how cold it was getting. Dave and I carried on our conversation and getting to know each other when he said “I’m so sorry but I don’t actually know your name”. Well that makes two of us! after laughing that we didn’t actually know each others’ names (I know what you’re thinking, hilarious right?) he decided he’d stick with Dave and I would be Lulu. Fuck knows why he chose that name but I just went with it. A few more people decided to get out and head to bed but before they left asked us if we were staying. Dave looked at me, smiled and just said “Lulu and I have more to chat about so we’ll see you tomorrow”. Of course some looks were exchanged before Dave and I were left in the water alone. I’m just going to say it right now, no I did not have sex with him in the sea!! No sexual contact at all was made so go and hose yourself down.

I’ll paint the picture for you now but be careful because it’s going to sound pretty romantic! The sky was completely clear and speckled with stars. The moon was almost full and shone down reflecting on the water. The only other light was coming from the hotel just behind the palm trees and the only sound was that of the waves softly kissing the shore. The waves were getting a little stronger and although we weren’t deep, one wave pushed me into Dave. He caught me and just looked down at my face. His hand came up and very delicately pushed some of the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. Even in the dim light I could see his eyes staring straight into mine. Without any hesitation he leaned down and kissed me. Alright I said no sexual contact was made but kissing hardly counts as sexual contact. Anyway, that all sounds damn romantic doesn’t it? I can tell you now, there was not much romantic about having waves crashing into you. We were both trying to keep our balance while trying to kiss and a big wave crashed into us mid lip lock. My mouth was full of water so without even thinking about the fact his lips were still pressed on mine, I spat all of it out and into his mouth! Once the realisation of what I’d just done dawned on me, I pulled away to laugh and apologise while he spat the water out into the sea. There’s nothing romantic about being cold and wet in massive, ugly knickers and spitting salt water into somebody else’s mouth.

We both laughed and moved to shallower waters to continue talking (and kissing) a little more. This was where I suddenly panicked! I grabbed his left hand and inspected it closely. No wedding ring. Thank god! There was also not even the hint of a tan line where one would be so there wasn’t even the ghost of a wedding ring. He clocked on and burst out laughing. “Lulu I’m not married! Never have been and there’s no chance of it happening in the near future”. Phew! I know what pilots are like. Ok, I shouldn’t stereotype because there are some decent ones out there who are completely faithful and I feel sorry for them because they are tarnished with the same brush as the cheats. There are, however, a number of pilots who shouldn’t be trusted; just as there are some cabin crew who should never be trusted with matters of the heart. Anyway, he kissed me again and we continued to laugh and get to know each other more until we were both shivering and had fingers that looked like some kind of old wrinkly ball sack. Bed time! Dave was a gentlemen and we kissed goodnight before heading off our separate ways to bed.

The next morning I got up early and went for a run along the beach before breakfast. I met Dave at the agreed time and we had breakfast together, like it was something we did every day. During breakfast he kept finding opportunities to grab my fingers under the table and just hold them, like he couldn’t stand it not to have contact with me. It was cute: kind of needy, but made me feel special. After breakfast a load of us spent the morning  together by the pool. I know, it’s such a hard life I live for work. It was early afternoon when everyone split off to go and get a nap in and get ready for the night flight home. The story is boring until the end of the flight now. Rather than bore you with the details of my nap, shower, getting changed and then working the flight home, I’ll skip forward to the end of the flight!

I didn’t see Dave for the whole flight, then once all the passengers were off, he came straight up to me and grabbed my hand. Hang on, some of the other crew will see this but he doesn’t seem to care! He wasn’t exactly being subtle about it all so I smiled. He kissed me on the forehead and apologised that he hadn’t seen me during the flight. He asked me for my number so I quickly scribbled it down on a scrap of paper and he put it in his pocket. Naturally some of the other crew members who did spot it made a few jokey comments and laughed. Dave and I just smiled at them and continued on our way. Getting off the plane, everyone said their goodbyes and starting walking off. As I was walking off feeling pretty good about myself I suddenly heard my cabin manager say behind me say to Dave “Thanks again and good luck with the baby coming and everything”. Oh come on!! Seriously? Of course he has a baby on the way. Of course something is wrong with this situation. My heart sank and I just carried on walking like I hadn’t heard anything. Are you kidding me?

That was it. I was so angry with myself. It had just been a kiss but I still felt awful. There was a pregnant woman somewhere who had absolutely no idea what her baby daddy had been doing. If I had known I would never ever have let it happen. I couldn’t believe I had been such an idiot. I should always trust my instinct with pilots. I never heard from Dave after that trip and assumed I never would. Over a week had passed since the trip when I received this message…

comedy-dave

Wow! What the hell do you say to that? I chose to say nothing because I didn’t want to hear anything else from him. I didn’t need to listen to any excuses because there was no excuse and he knew that. What did really make things worse was his last sentence. Did he think that because he’d paid me a compliment I’d turn around and say “oh well in that case no worries”? There was nothing to say in reply and I’ve never heard anything else from him. I just hope he hasn’t made a habit of it on his trips!

This has taught me (again) to stay away from pilots. What is difficult and what you should try to understand is that in my job, it’s tough to meet guys. It’s easy to get pulled in when an attractive man in some exotic country tells you he’s single and is nice to you. I don’t get many opportunities to meet eligible bachelors because I’m always away and my friends at home have lives so going out has become less frequent. The majority of straight guys in my job are pilots and unfortunately my mind reading skills aren’t what people expect them to be so I can only take the information I am given at face value. Anyway, I’ll not make that mistake again!!

Me – 3
David Experiment – 1

David #3 – Delivery driver

I should probably start by saying that yes, Dave#2 was a dream and completely adorable! We continued chatting for a week or so but he made the decision that maybe the difficulty in communicating with each other was a good enough reason to call it a day. We’ve chatted again since and I am happy to report to his fans that he has started dating a girl who can sign. He’s happy and even wished me all the happiness that he knows I deserve. After one date and he’s this perfect!

This one is another fairly quick one so easy reading to digest on your lunch break…… I met Dave#3 on Tinder (yes, I’m still using it because you never know). We matched and did the standard awkward opening lines and getting to know each other. He’s nine years older than me so I was hoping that the maturity would help. Hopefully he’s spent a few years already playing the field and maybe fancies something with more substance. No rush! And absolutely no pressure, but I’m just thinking ahead so I’m not wasting my time. Dave and I chatted for a week or so and then exchanged numbers where we continued our thrilling small talk and 20 questions games while learning more about one another. He was a food delivery driver for an independent company. He seemed like a genuine and very sweet guy; a little less extroverted than I usually go for but a nice guy all the same.

I did struggle to keep conversations flowing and it felt like hard work getting him to talk but I hadn’t met him in person yet and figured maybe he just wasn’t great with conversing via messages. We both agreed to try and arrange something quickly in order to meet up as we shared the view that we’d rather meet sooner and not waste time messaging; only to finally meet and not actually like each other. Now I am absolutely all for guys and girls sharing the responsibility for organising a date and I think it’s great when a guy is polite and let’s you choose the place. What I cannot get on board with is a guy who does this for every decision:

Me: “I don’t mind where we go. Do you have anything in mind?”

Him: “I don’t mind. No not really. You choose.” (Ok then so I did choose)

Me: “Do you fancy drinks or dinner?”

Him: “I don’t mind. You choose.” (So I said dinner)

Me: “What time suits you best? I’m free all day as I’m off work so whatever works for you.”

Him: “I don’t mind. You choose.”

You get the point! I ended up making the decisions for everything! Like I said, I completely get that he was being sweet and being a gentleman but in some ways it also kind of makes me feel like he’s a pushover. I already know that I could never be with a pushover. I need someone who challenges me and who is happy to take the lead sometimes. I have Daddy issues remember! I need someone who is strong willed and confident to try to fix those Daddy issues. Get your heads out of the gutter! I’m not looking for someone to be my Daddy; gross! We all know that girls look for partners who are similar to their Father figures; the man who first loved them unconditionally. I wasn’t lucky enough to have a Father figure (other than the one who abandoned me) so I know that I will struggle, but I need someone to replace that. I like to think I’ve learned enough about myself to know what sort of man I need (insert crying with laughter emoji here because I’m clearly not doing a very good job of finding a decent man).

Anyway, I’d put the trousers on and made every single decision for the date. The day arrived and, as I normally do, I messaged him in the morning with a simple “Hey, how are you? Still all good for later on?” To which I received no reply. The day goes by and the clock continues rolling through the hours and minutes and still, I hear nothing from him. It gets to half an hour before we are meant to be meeting and I send a message asking “Just checking everything is ok?” You guessed it! No reply. I heard nothing all night from him so got into my pjs and started watching a chick flick to cheer me up. Later on that evening my phone buzzed and I read the message on my screen…. “Hey. Sorry, wasn’t really feeling it.” What kind of apology is that? Also really?? If you’re not ‘feeling it’ send me a message in the morning saying something came up or actually you’ve changed your mind. Don’t leave me hanging all day. I’ve wasted my day off not planning anything in that would clash with our evening date. I’ve put on a nice outfit and styled my hair only to then sit in pyjamas and stuff my face, while watching a film that makes me want to kill myself because it only reminds me that my romantic life resembles the remains of a rabbit that has been hit by a car and repeatedly run over by other screeching car tyres (no rabbits were harmed in the writing of this post).

So. Dave#3 was not a success.

Me – 2
The David Experiment – 1

 

 

 

David #2 – Teacher

After my David #1 didn’t go so well, I was already pretty sure that the name David probably has nothing to do with whether someone makes a good partner! My second David ended up being a mixture of chance and coincidence rolled into the package of a tall, handsome man with brown hair and glasses.

In my job, I meet new people every single day I turn up to work. Each day I work with different crew and obviously hundreds of different passengers too. You’d think it would be a great place to meet someone but I’m here to tell you that it’s like trying to find that lost sock you’re missing. One fateful night I was working on a short haul flight going to somewhere in Italy and back. On the return flight back home, I turned to ask my next passenger what he’d like to drink and it was a guy in his mid twenties I’d guess. I’m just going to mention again that he was very tall (even sat down), with dark, messy hair and glasses. He was very handsome! I smiled and asked him if he would like anything to drink to which he smiled back to me and mouthed the words apple juice please. I figured I had just missed what he said but read his lips enough to understand. As I passed the drink over to him sat next to the window, I noticed that his travel companions were all signing to each other. He mouthed the words thank you and smiled that big beaming smile again. So this young man is deaf. He is also mute. You’d think the story would end here but of course that wouldn’t be worth writing about.

Once the service was finished I sat for a little at the back of the cabin and read some of my book. Whilst halfway through a page I noticed two rather large shoes standing next to me so I looked up to see the same guy who had ordered the apple juice. I looked him in the eye and asked if I could get him anything and he pointed at the carton of apple juice on the side. I smiled and poured him a glass. We both stood in silence for a bit while he drank it. It was a little awkward but only because I felt like an idiot that I didn’t know how to communicate. Luckily this stranger knew what he was doing because he pointed at the book in my hand and silently asked what it was about. I looked directly at him and briefly explained which was slightly embarrassing considering I was reading a biographical book about depression written by a guy who had contemplated suicide. He tilted his head to one side as he read my lips and smiled, only looking away to point at the seat I was sat on followed by the one next to me. I gestured for him to sit with me and he did. For the next 10 minutes, we both sat and conversed by lip reading each other. It was difficult for me at first but he was very kind and spoke his words slowly. My new acquaintance was a teacher at a school for deaf children. He taught PE (cue hearts melting). Mr Handsome stood and went back to his seat but not before he pulled out his phone and asked me for my number. Just like that, with so much confidence so I couldn’t refuse. I saved my number and pointed to my name badge so he knew my name. He put his hand out in front of him, which I shook, and mouthed the name David. Oh come on. Of course his name is David! This was just a massive coincidence that this guy was thrown into my lap with the name I was interested in to go on dates.

David and I texted for a few weeks before finally meeting up for a drink. I already got from him that he was very sweet and considerate. He was very kind but also had a wicked sense of humour. He joked about us having a date and not being able to talk to each other which relaxed me a little. I was obviously anxious about the communication side of things but for him to joke about it made me feel at ease. On D day (date day or David day works too), I drove up to a bar roughly halfway between us as arranged and walked inside to see David sat at a little table. He caught my eye and stood up smiling at me. I went over and he hugged me. At this point I was suddenly very aware that I was going to have to watch his lips all night to lip read what he was saying to me. We managed through the first few minutes of hellos and how are yous before he handed me a drinks menu and asked me what I’d like. We were both driving so opted for some soft drinks in the end and David kindly went up to order. Once sat down, he pulled a small notepad and pen out onto the table and looked at me with a cheeky smile and laughed. There’s that sense of humour again. On the first page of the notepad it had written down ‘Just in case’.

The date was lovely. David was so lovely but, as expected, we struggled to communicate with each other throughout. I forgot to look at him so would sometimes look away while talking and he’d have to gesture for me to look at him because he couldn’t see what I was saying. I had to ask him to speak slowly so I could read his lips and I missed a lot of what he was talking about at times. David was so patient with me and bless him; he went to sign some words but then would apologise for forgetting I can’t read sign language. We laughed about it and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all; just difficult. We discussed our families and work and got on well despite a few silences. He laughed at one point and said people must think I’m crazy because I’m just talking out loud to someone but not getting anything in return! It was actually a really nice evening but neither of us could ignore how difficult it was to communicate. When we left, David hugged me and then stood and placed the most delicate of kisses on my forehead. He walked me to my car and we said goodnight.

When I got home, there was already a message from David waiting for me. He thanked me again for the evening and admitted to having a lovely time. He also went straight in and said that he understood if I didn’t want to meet up again because it was difficult for both of us. I did want to meet up again though. He was so lovely and I could always learn sign language. One of my best friends from Uni learned sign language so maybe I could ask her to help me. After a few more weeks of texting each other, David made the decision to call it a day on account of the fact we struggled to communicate with each other. He did leave it open and said that if either of us changed our minds, we could always meet up again and see what happens. I can’t blame him at all or even fault him in this because he was just such a decent guy! He was right; it had been difficult to communicate so I couldn’t be angry at him for being honest. Who knows, maybe I will learn sign language just in case.

Me – 1
The David Experiment – 1

 

David #1 – Something in PR?

The first subject in the David/Dave experiment, which is also my quest for finding a significant other, was a guy who I met through some friends of friends. An acquaintance from school got in touch with me via social media and asked if I minded being set up with a guy she knew through a friend. His name was David and she knew I was looking to go on dates with guys of that name as part of my blog. Why not? What did I have to lose? I agreed and gave her permission to pass on my number. David was quick to message me and jumped in quickly asking me about the blog and whether I really believed guys named David make the best boyfriends… Of course I don’t bloody agree! I just did some crappy research on trashy girly websites that have no science behind them and decided why not see what happens because it’ll be interesting to investigate to some extent. My friends who are married or in loving relationships are with guys with names of all sorts. In all honesty I was just a little curious.

After a week or so of texting, David and I met up for drinks. He was very attractive with dark hair and striking eyes. He was clean shaven and wore suit trousers and a shirt for our date. Oh god he’s dressed so smart and I’ve turned up in a t-shirt dress and black tights that looks a bit casual. Too late now! First impressions of David were good; he was charming, well spoken and came across like a gentleman. You know how people say first impressions are the mot important thing and they will be remembered forever despite anything else that happens afterwards? Well in this case, I remember second impressions more because the second impression wasn’t so good. David started to ask me about my work and then offered me the “how much do you earn?” question which I respectfully declined to answer. I was mortified that he’d asked me and tried to change the subject by asking him what he did for a living. Silly me for asking. He rushed through something about working in PR and looking after clients and accounts for his company and then, without any prompting from me, he went on to boast about his £80k salary!! Oh you read that right.

David went on and on about how much money he earns and how much he spends and what he spends it on. He talked about holidays he goes on (granted I go on a lot with my job but it’s work… sort of), he talked about cars he buys and watches and clothes: you name it! Now I won’t go into detail but I earn enough to pay my rent and bills and treat myself to the odd yoga class every so often but I certainly don’t live a champagne lifestyle. I’m lucky if I live a cheap white wine mixed with sparkling water lifestyle for goodness sake. When I say I’m broke I mean I have to choose between food or toilet paper for the week. It was clear that when he says he’s broke, it means he has to choose between a new yacht or a second holiday home in the south of France. For this reason, I hate talking about money with people. I pay for myself through life and will always offer to pay for my share of things on a date. Also, correct me if I’m wrong here, but I’m pretty sure it’s not etiquette to discuss finances with strangers! David only stopped talking about his abundance of money to drink from his champagne glass or to breathe. I can only assume he keeps a wad of £50 notes in his back pocket for the pure reason that only the finest money is allowed to caress his bottom instead of mere toilet tissue. Not that I’m judging or anything. If David had been modest about his earnings I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at the whole evening. I would have continued to find him charming and a gentleman. Unfortunately his lack of appreciation for wealth and the importance he placed on his expensive material possessions let him down.

I absolutely think that David will meet a girl perfect for him who he will have a lot in common with. I know that she will be someone who, like David, comes from a family with wealth and continues to live a lavish lifestyle. Unfortunately, I am not that girl and I’m not sure I ever will be. I have grown to understand the importance of appreciating what I have and the value of money. There is more wealth in a substantial relationship and connection with somebody than in any material possessions I could ever own.

Me – 1
The David Experiment – 0