David #4 – Pilot (Ergh, I know)

As you can tell from the title of this post, I already know exactly what you’re all thinking; especially those who work with me. I’ll get to it later about the fact he’s a pilot. For those who want to try and guess who the man in question is… don’t bother because this happened a while ago now! It wasn’t on a recent trip as I tend to leave it a few weeks before writing about my frogs now. I won’t draw this out any longer; let’s get on with the show.

What’s important about this story is that his name isn’t actually David! I know, I know, it kind of defeats the point of being in the David experiment but I don’t actually know his real name!! The Captain and the man in question had been joking around on their previous night and had come up with nicknames for each other. Said pilot was christened Comedy Dave so that’s all I knew him as! Maybe his name is Dave but I don’t know unfortunately. For that reason, I’ve included him as a David. I’m the one tapping away at the keys so all you can do is accept that this is what I’ve done.

For this story you should know that for some of our one night trips, us cabin crew don’t fly home with the same pilots we flew out with. So, on a one night stop over in the Caribbean I met David who is a pilot. I didn’t fly out with David but he was working home with us. I didn’t know any of my crew but it is customary that crew meet for a much needed alcoholic beverage when we arrive at our exotic destination. The flight out had been busy and a little hectic so I definitely needed a cocktail! I’ll skip ahead a bit…… Whilst sitting down on the beach with a mango daiquiri in hand one of the crew members pointed at two guys sitting at the bar “That must be our flight crew taking us home” (crew members stick out like a sore thumb so you can spot them a mile away). She proceeded to jump up and go and invite them over. I recognised the first officer (co-pilot for those not in the industry) straight away and began racking my brain (Ahh I remember, a Jersey night stop last year). Some vague introductions were made and he recognised me so we chatted about how he’d moved from short haul to long haul and some other boring work crap. Rather than dragging out the small talk bit I’ll just tell you that he was absolutely hilarious and we got on really well. We both had a good laugh and conversation flowed. There was banter flying around and more alcohol consumed over the night.

Slowly people started to peel away from the group until only a handful of us remained. Then some idiot suggested going in the sea (god I hate when crew get drunk and suggest the ocean at night as a good idea)! Of course by this point we all thought it was a bloody good idea so in the sea we went! Some got down to underwear, some girls figured screw it and went topless. I, on the other hand, panicked because I suddenly remembered I had decided to put on some ugly big knickers that were a faded white colour with some kind of grey pattern on. Christ what was I thinking? Well I was thinking that after a long flight I wanted to be comfortable and didn’t plan on anyone seeing my stupid, massive (like practically Bridget Jones style) knickers! My only solution was to keep my top on and pull it down so it was long enough to cover my sizable pants; luckily it was long enough. We all splashed around and continued chatting and moaning about how cold it was getting. Dave and I carried on our conversation and getting to know each other when he said “I’m so sorry but I don’t actually know your name”. Well that makes two of us! after laughing that we didn’t actually know each others’ names (I know what you’re thinking, hilarious right?) he decided he’d stick with Dave and I would be Lulu. Fuck knows why he chose that name but I just went with it. A few more people decided to get out and head to bed but before they left asked us if we were staying. Dave looked at me, smiled and just said “Lulu and I have more to chat about so we’ll see you tomorrow”. Of course some looks were exchanged before Dave and I were left in the water alone. I’m just going to say it right now, no I did not have sex with him in the sea!! No sexual contact at all was made so go and hose yourself down.

I’ll paint the picture for you now but be careful because it’s going to sound pretty romantic! The sky was completely clear and speckled with stars. The moon was almost full and shone down reflecting on the water. The only other light was coming from the hotel just behind the palm trees and the only sound was that of the waves softly kissing the shore. The waves were getting a little stronger and although we weren’t deep, one wave pushed me into Dave. He caught me and just looked down at my face. His hand came up and very delicately pushed some of the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. Even in the dim light I could see his eyes staring straight into mine. Without any hesitation he leaned down and kissed me. Alright I said no sexual contact was made but kissing hardly counts as sexual contact. Anyway, that all sounds damn romantic doesn’t it? I can tell you now, there was not much romantic about having waves crashing into you. We were both trying to keep our balance while trying to kiss and a big wave crashed into us mid lip lock. My mouth was full of water so without even thinking about the fact his lips were still pressed on mine, I spat all of it out and into his mouth! Once the realisation of what I’d just done dawned on me, I pulled away to laugh and apologise while he spat the water out into the sea. There’s nothing romantic about being cold and wet in massive, ugly knickers and spitting salt water into somebody else’s mouth.

We both laughed and moved to shallower waters to continue talking (and kissing) a little more. This was where I suddenly panicked! I grabbed his left hand and inspected it closely. No wedding ring. Thank god! There was also not even the hint of a tan line where one would be so there wasn’t even the ghost of a wedding ring. He clocked on and burst out laughing. “Lulu I’m not married! Never have been and there’s no chance of it happening in the near future”. Phew! I know what pilots are like. Ok, I shouldn’t stereotype because there are some decent ones out there who are completely faithful and I feel sorry for them because they are tarnished with the same brush as the cheats. There are, however, a number of pilots who shouldn’t be trusted; just as there are some cabin crew who should never be trusted with matters of the heart. Anyway, he kissed me again and we continued to laugh and get to know each other more until we were both shivering and had fingers that looked like some kind of old wrinkly ball sack. Bed time! Dave was a gentlemen and we kissed goodnight before heading off our separate ways to bed.

The next morning I got up early and went for a run along the beach before breakfast. I met Dave at the agreed time and we had breakfast together, like it was something we did every day. During breakfast he kept finding opportunities to grab my fingers under the table and just hold them, like he couldn’t stand it not to have contact with me. It was cute: kind of needy, but made me feel special. After breakfast a load of us spent the morning  together by the pool. I know, it’s such a hard life I live for work. It was early afternoon when everyone split off to go and get a nap in and get ready for the night flight home. The story is boring until the end of the flight now. Rather than bore you with the details of my nap, shower, getting changed and then working the flight home, I’ll skip forward to the end of the flight!

I didn’t see Dave for the whole flight, then once all the passengers were off, he came straight up to me and grabbed my hand. Hang on, some of the other crew will see this but he doesn’t seem to care! He wasn’t exactly being subtle about it all so I smiled. He kissed me on the forehead and apologised that he hadn’t seen me during the flight. He asked me for my number so I quickly scribbled it down on a scrap of paper and he put it in his pocket. Naturally some of the other crew members who did spot it made a few jokey comments and laughed. Dave and I just smiled at them and continued on our way. Getting off the plane, everyone said their goodbyes and starting walking off. As I was walking off feeling pretty good about myself I suddenly heard my cabin manager say behind me say to Dave “Thanks again and good luck with the baby coming and everything”. Oh come on!! Seriously? Of course he has a baby on the way. Of course something is wrong with this situation. My heart sank and I just carried on walking like I hadn’t heard anything. Are you kidding me?

That was it. I was so angry with myself. It had just been a kiss but I still felt awful. There was a pregnant woman somewhere who had absolutely no idea what her baby daddy had been doing. If I had known I would never ever have let it happen. I couldn’t believe I had been such an idiot. I should always trust my instinct with pilots. I never heard from Dave after that trip and assumed I never would. Over a week had passed since the trip when I received this message…


Wow! What the hell do you say to that? I chose to say nothing because I didn’t want to hear anything else from him. I didn’t need to listen to any excuses because there was no excuse and he knew that. What did really make things worse was his last sentence. Did he think that because he’d paid me a compliment I’d turn around and say “oh well in that case no worries”? There was nothing to say in reply and I’ve never heard anything else from him. I just hope he hasn’t made a habit of it on his trips!

This has taught me (again) to stay away from pilots. What is difficult and what you should try to understand is that in my job, it’s tough to meet guys. It’s easy to get pulled in when an attractive man in some exotic country tells you he’s single and is nice to you. I don’t get many opportunities to meet eligible bachelors because I’m always away and my friends at home have lives so going out has become less frequent. The majority of straight guys in my job are pilots and unfortunately my mind reading skills aren’t what people expect them to be so I can only take the information I am given at face value. Anyway, I’ll not make that mistake again!!

Me – 3
David Experiment – 1


David #3 – Delivery driver

I should probably start by saying that yes, Dave#2 was a dream and completely adorable! We continued chatting for a week or so but he made the decision that maybe the difficulty in communicating with each other was a good enough reason to call it a day. We’ve chatted again since and I am happy to report to his fans that he has started dating a girl who can sign. He’s happy and even wished me all the happiness that he knows I deserve. After one date and he’s this perfect!

This one is another fairly quick one so easy reading to digest on your lunch break…… I met Dave#3 on Tinder (yes, I’m still using it because you never know). We matched and did the standard awkward opening lines and getting to know each other. He’s nine years older than me so I was hoping that the maturity would help. Hopefully he’s spent a few years already playing the field and maybe fancies something with more substance. No rush! And absolutely no pressure, but I’m just thinking ahead so I’m not wasting my time. Dave and I chatted for a week or so and then exchanged numbers where we continued our thrilling small talk and 20 questions games while learning more about one another. He was a food delivery driver for an independent company. He seemed like a genuine and very sweet guy; a little less extroverted than I usually go for but a nice guy all the same.

I did struggle to keep conversations flowing and it felt like hard work getting him to talk but I hadn’t met him in person yet and figured maybe he just wasn’t great with conversing via messages. We both agreed to try and arrange something quickly in order to meet up as we shared the view that we’d rather meet sooner and not waste time messaging; only to finally meet and not actually like each other. Now I am absolutely all for guys and girls sharing the responsibility for organising a date and I think it’s great when a guy is polite and let’s you choose the place. What I cannot get on board with is a guy who does this for every decision:

Me: “I don’t mind where we go. Do you have anything in mind?”

Him: “I don’t mind. No not really. You choose.” (Ok then so I did choose)

Me: “Do you fancy drinks or dinner?”

Him: “I don’t mind. You choose.” (So I said dinner)

Me: “What time suits you best? I’m free all day as I’m off work so whatever works for you.”

Him: “I don’t mind. You choose.”

You get the point! I ended up making the decisions for everything! Like I said, I completely get that he was being sweet and being a gentleman but in some ways it also kind of makes me feel like he’s a pushover. I already know that I could never be with a pushover. I need someone who challenges me and who is happy to take the lead sometimes. I have Daddy issues remember! I need someone who is strong willed and confident to try to fix those Daddy issues. Get your heads out of the gutter! I’m not looking for someone to be my Daddy; gross! We all know that girls look for partners who are similar to their Father figures; the man who first loved them unconditionally. I wasn’t lucky enough to have a Father figure (other than the one who abandoned me) so I know that I will struggle, but I need someone to replace that. I like to think I’ve learned enough about myself to know what sort of man I need (insert crying with laughter emoji here because I’m clearly not doing a very good job of finding a decent man).

Anyway, I’d put the trousers on and made every single decision for the date. The day arrived and, as I normally do, I messaged him in the morning with a simple “Hey, how are you? Still all good for later on?” To which I received no reply. The day goes by and the clock continues rolling through the hours and minutes and still, I hear nothing from him. It gets to half an hour before we are meant to be meeting and I send a message asking “Just checking everything is ok?” You guessed it! No reply. I heard nothing all night from him so got into my pjs and started watching a chick flick to cheer me up. Later on that evening my phone buzzed and I read the message on my screen…. “Hey. Sorry, wasn’t really feeling it.” What kind of apology is that? Also really?? If you’re not ‘feeling it’ send me a message in the morning saying something came up or actually you’ve changed your mind. Don’t leave me hanging all day. I’ve wasted my day off not planning anything in that would clash with our evening date. I’ve put on a nice outfit and styled my hair only to then sit in pyjamas and stuff my face, while watching a film that makes me want to kill myself because it only reminds me that my romantic life resembles the remains of a rabbit that has been hit by a car and repeatedly run over by other screeching car tyres (no rabbits were harmed in the writing of this post).

So. Dave#3 was not a success.

Me – 2
The David Experiment – 1




David #2 – Teacher

After my David #1 didn’t go so well, I was already pretty sure that the name David probably has nothing to do with whether someone makes a good partner! My second David ended up being a mixture of chance and coincidence rolled into the package of a tall, handsome man with brown hair and glasses.

In my job, I meet new people every single day I turn up to work. Each day I work with different crew and obviously hundreds of different passengers too. You’d think it would be a great place to meet someone but I’m here to tell you that it’s like trying to find that lost sock you’re missing. One fateful night I was working on a short haul flight going to somewhere in Italy and back. On the return flight back home, I turned to ask my next passenger what he’d like to drink and it was a guy in his mid twenties I’d guess. I’m just going to mention again that he was very tall (even sat down), with dark, messy hair and glasses. He was very handsome! I smiled and asked him if he would like anything to drink to which he smiled back to me and mouthed the words apple juice please. I figured I had just missed what he said but read his lips enough to understand. As I passed the drink over to him sat next to the window, I noticed that his travel companions were all signing to each other. He mouthed the words thank you and smiled that big beaming smile again. So this young man is deaf. He is also mute. You’d think the story would end here but of course that wouldn’t be worth writing about.

Once the service was finished I sat for a little at the back of the cabin and read some of my book. Whilst halfway through a page I noticed two rather large shoes standing next to me so I looked up to see the same guy who had ordered the apple juice. I looked him in the eye and asked if I could get him anything and he pointed at the carton of apple juice on the side. I smiled and poured him a glass. We both stood in silence for a bit while he drank it. It was a little awkward but only because I felt like an idiot that I didn’t know how to communicate. Luckily this stranger knew what he was doing because he pointed at the book in my hand and silently asked what it was about. I looked directly at him and briefly explained which was slightly embarrassing considering I was reading a biographical book about depression written by a guy who had contemplated suicide. He tilted his head to one side as he read my lips and smiled, only looking away to point at the seat I was sat on followed by the one next to me. I gestured for him to sit with me and he did. For the next 10 minutes, we both sat and conversed by lip reading each other. It was difficult for me at first but he was very kind and spoke his words slowly. My new acquaintance was a teacher at a school for deaf children. He taught PE (cue hearts melting). Mr Handsome stood and went back to his seat but not before he pulled out his phone and asked me for my number. Just like that, with so much confidence so I couldn’t refuse. I saved my number and pointed to my name badge so he knew my name. He put his hand out in front of him, which I shook, and mouthed the name David. Oh come on. Of course his name is David! This was just a massive coincidence that this guy was thrown into my lap with the name I was interested in to go on dates.

David and I texted for a few weeks before finally meeting up for a drink. I already got from him that he was very sweet and considerate. He was very kind but also had a wicked sense of humour. He joked about us having a date and not being able to talk to each other which relaxed me a little. I was obviously anxious about the communication side of things but for him to joke about it made me feel at ease. On D day (date day or David day works too), I drove up to a bar roughly halfway between us as arranged and walked inside to see David sat at a little table. He caught my eye and stood up smiling at me. I went over and he hugged me. At this point I was suddenly very aware that I was going to have to watch his lips all night to lip read what he was saying to me. We managed through the first few minutes of hellos and how are yous before he handed me a drinks menu and asked me what I’d like. We were both driving so opted for some soft drinks in the end and David kindly went up to order. Once sat down, he pulled a small notepad and pen out onto the table and looked at me with a cheeky smile and laughed. There’s that sense of humour again. On the first page of the notepad it had written down ‘Just in case’.

The date was lovely. David was so lovely but, as expected, we struggled to communicate with each other throughout. I forgot to look at him so would sometimes look away while talking and he’d have to gesture for me to look at him because he couldn’t see what I was saying. I had to ask him to speak slowly so I could read his lips and I missed a lot of what he was talking about at times. David was so patient with me and bless him; he went to sign some words but then would apologise for forgetting I can’t read sign language. We laughed about it and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all; just difficult. We discussed our families and work and got on well despite a few silences. He laughed at one point and said people must think I’m crazy because I’m just talking out loud to someone but not getting anything in return! It was actually a really nice evening but neither of us could ignore how difficult it was to communicate. When we left, David hugged me and then stood and placed the most delicate of kisses on my forehead. He walked me to my car and we said goodnight.

When I got home, there was already a message from David waiting for me. He thanked me again for the evening and admitted to having a lovely time. He also went straight in and said that he understood if I didn’t want to meet up again because it was difficult for both of us. I did want to meet up again though. He was so lovely and I could always learn sign language. One of my best friends from Uni learned sign language so maybe I could ask her to help me. After a few more weeks of texting each other, David made the decision to call it a day on account of the fact we struggled to communicate with each other. He did leave it open and said that if either of us changed our minds, we could always meet up again and see what happens. I can’t blame him at all or even fault him in this because he was just such a decent guy! He was right; it had been difficult to communicate so I couldn’t be angry at him for being honest. Who knows, maybe I will learn sign language just in case.

Me – 1
The David Experiment – 1


David #1 – Something in PR?

The first subject in the David/Dave experiment, which is also my quest for finding a significant other, was a guy who I met through some friends of friends. An acquaintance from school got in touch with me via social media and asked if I minded being set up with a guy she knew through a friend. His name was David and she knew I was looking to go on dates with guys of that name as part of my blog. Why not? What did I have to lose? I agreed and gave her permission to pass on my number. David was quick to message me and jumped in quickly asking me about the blog and whether I really believed guys named David make the best boyfriends… Of course I don’t bloody agree! I just did some crappy research on trashy girly websites that have no science behind them and decided why not see what happens because it’ll be interesting to investigate to some extent. My friends who are married or in loving relationships are with guys with names of all sorts. In all honesty I was just a little curious.

After a week or so of texting, David and I met up for drinks. He was very attractive with dark hair and striking eyes. He was clean shaven and wore suit trousers and a shirt for our date. Oh god he’s dressed so smart and I’ve turned up in a t-shirt dress and black tights that looks a bit casual. Too late now! First impressions of David were good; he was charming, well spoken and came across like a gentleman. You know how people say first impressions are the mot important thing and they will be remembered forever despite anything else that happens afterwards? Well in this case, I remember second impressions more because the second impression wasn’t so good. David started to ask me about my work and then offered me the “how much do you earn?” question which I respectfully declined to answer. I was mortified that he’d asked me and tried to change the subject by asking him what he did for a living. Silly me for asking. He rushed through something about working in PR and looking after clients and accounts for his company and then, without any prompting from me, he went on to boast about his £80k salary!! Oh you read that right.

David went on and on about how much money he earns and how much he spends and what he spends it on. He talked about holidays he goes on (granted I go on a lot with my job but it’s work… sort of), he talked about cars he buys and watches and clothes: you name it! Now I won’t go into detail but I earn enough to pay my rent and bills and treat myself to the odd yoga class every so often but I certainly don’t live a champagne lifestyle. I’m lucky if I live a cheap white wine mixed with sparkling water lifestyle for goodness sake. When I say I’m broke I mean I have to choose between food or toilet paper for the week. It was clear that when he says he’s broke, it means he has to choose between a new yacht or a second holiday home in the south of France. For this reason, I hate talking about money with people. I pay for myself through life and will always offer to pay for my share of things on a date. Also, correct me if I’m wrong here, but I’m pretty sure it’s not etiquette to discuss finances with strangers! David only stopped talking about his abundance of money to drink from his champagne glass or to breathe. I can only assume he keeps a wad of £50 notes in his back pocket for the pure reason that only the finest money is allowed to caress his bottom instead of mere toilet tissue. Not that I’m judging or anything. If David had been modest about his earnings I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at the whole evening. I would have continued to find him charming and a gentleman. Unfortunately his lack of appreciation for wealth and the importance he placed on his expensive material possessions let him down.

I absolutely think that David will meet a girl perfect for him who he will have a lot in common with. I know that she will be someone who, like David, comes from a family with wealth and continues to live a lavish lifestyle. Unfortunately, I am not that girl and I’m not sure I ever will be. I have grown to understand the importance of appreciating what I have and the value of money. There is more wealth in a substantial relationship and connection with somebody than in any material possessions I could ever own.

Me – 1
The David Experiment – 0

Is Your Name David? Dave?

Like most people, I spend a few minutes (hours) each day just scrolling through my Facebook news feed. I just get bored so have a look and see what people are up to. Recently I’ve begun to notice that my news feed is inundated with my Facebook friends getting into relationships, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, moving in together or simply just being happy in their little couples. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for all of them and wish them all the best. I’m also bitter and jealous but I won’t hold that against them all. One thing I did pick up on though is that all these people call their other half ‘This One’. They’ll tag the person in the picture or status so we know who it is but no one seems to use their name. Instead every single couple use the pet name ‘The One’.

Evident by this blog, I only date guys with real, normal names. I apparently should be looking for someone born with the name This One because they seem to make great partners! Anyway, jokes aside, this got me to thinking whether a name really has got anything to do with finding a good partner. I know how ridiculous this sounds but apparently people have really done some research about this. As I embarked on an internet journey delving into cyberspace I find out that, apparently, the name David is top of the list when it comes to men who make good boyfriends or husbands! It’s actually the top of many lists that have been compiled and strewn across the world wide web for everyone to see. Kate is apparently the top name for women so I’m already one down. I’m actually already at least ten down because my name didn’t make the list.

From this extremely scientific research found on various reputable (trashy) websites, I decided that I would only date guys called David or Dave just to see if there was any truth behind it all. Armed with two dating apps on my phone I would only swipe yes to guys named David or Dave and see what happened. Obviously I would still swipe right to any of the England rugby team or Ryan Reynolds when they came up. I’m not going to completely limit myself. Don’t worry, I completely understand how absurd this all is.  During my swiping sessions, I also learned that I need someone to look over my profile on these apps because I didn’t get many matches so it was difficult to gauge how well this would go.

I realise that I have a previous frog whose name I changed to Dave for the purpose of this blog. His real name was not Dave. From now on, each frog will be posted using their real first name; you know, because they all have the same name for this!

So from here, the David experiment begins…

Daniel* – Pilot

Before I start writing this particular post, I am warning you now that it mentions sex. There are no details but it does mention it. For anyone who doesn’t want to read further, don’t.

In this experience I am going to admit first and foremost that it involves a one night stand. Not just any one night stand though; a one night stand with a pilot. I broke my cardinal rule at work (Never, EVER, sleep with a pilot). Yep, call me whatever you want or judge me for whatever you want. I had a one night stand and there’s nothing I can do about it now so get over it. Before you all start climbing onto your high horses, I can safely say that almost everyone reading this has had one too. Don’t worry you lot, your secret is safe with me. It was very out of character for me but everyone has their reasons. Some people just like sex (good on you)! Others use sex as a way to just feel something, anything. Some people are searching for love in the wrong places while others just don’t like commitment and end up having one night stands instead. Whatever your reasons, I’m not judging and I hope you will do the same for me. My reason for this one night stand was the simple fact that I was feeling insecure (surprise surprise, I feel insecure a lot). We’ve all been there. We feel insecure and in our distorted opinions we think that by feeling ‘wanted’ even just for a few moments, our insecurities will disappear…. until they don’t.

For work I get to travel around a lot with some great people. I work with new people all the time for different trips which is incredible. On one particular trip I met a pilot. He was charismatic and intelligent from the start. Everything about the way he spoke and what he talked about was so engaging and interesting that I could barely contain how in awe of him I was. I was absolutely stroking his ego (here ego is in no way an innuendo for penis – that of course came later on *insert terrible wink emoji*). On the first night away and our first full day exploring, I was enticed and couldn’t help but fall prey to the allure of this particular pilot. At work, you hear all sorts of stories and from day 1 we are warned to stay away from pilots. Now I’ll be one of the first to tell you that the majority of the pilots at work are actually really good, decent people who you can have a laugh and spend time with completely innocently! A lot of them are just, like anyone would, looking to explore the place or enjoy the sunshine with some good company. There are a minority who give pilots their bad reputation however. This is where my previously mentioned cardinal rule comes in – Never, EVER, sleep with a pilot! On my first day of work in my current job, I promised myself that I would never get involved at all with a pilot because I knew I would inevitably get hurt. Before you start insulting the one that appears in this tale, the pilot in question, Daniel*, isn’t to blame because he was only being himself the entire time. His personality was just one that drew people (women) in and who could fault him for that! I wasn’t taken advantage of by the big bad pilot. I was just a woman, standing in front of a man, asking him to make her feel good about herself (Classic script writing I’ve just stolen a bit).

Anyway, on the second night a few of us went out for drinks so naturally my guard was down and my inhibitions letting me run free. When we all headed back to the hotel, we slowly piled out of the lift one by one at our assigned floor until it was just me and Daniel left. We stood in silence in the confined space until we stopped at his floor and the doors opened. Daniel stepped towards me, placed a quick kiss on my cheek and said goodnight. I returned the gesture. There was an awkward moment where we both kept saying goodnight but he didn’t show any sign of moving away from me. Before you know it he’s wrapped his arm around my waist, pulled me in close and we’re kissing to the sound of the elevator doors closing and the lift flying up to my floor. Without either of us saying anything; like it was natural and didn’t need questioning, we both got out the lift at my floor and walked in silence to my hotel room. Once inside you know the drill! No detail is needed here so use your imagination. Although don’t use it too much you filthy minded people! There was only one thing probably slightly out of the ordinary, or maybe you all do this…. Right at the beginning while I was still in my underwear, I took a moment and excused myself to go to the bathroom where I shut the door. Sometimes I do this thing where I just stand and look at myself in the mirror. I try to imagine what other people see when they look at me but in my head I think I see something completely different. My whole life, I’ve been incredibly self conscious about my looks. Like most people do, I have insecurities. As I was looking at myself, taking in the way my face and body looks, all I could think was how much I wished I was more confident in myself. I can’t make myself prettier and although I can lose weight, I can’t change my body shape so confidence is what I need. Snap out of it! I quickly flushed the toilet for good measure so I didn’t seem like a weirdo and scolded myself for being so self conscious. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I really believe I could never be someone’s first choice…

Anyway, I couldn’t stay in that bathroom forever and I didn’t want to. I went back into that bedroom and, well you’d be proud. I went into it knowing full well that it was a one night stand. A part of me hoped it wouldn’t be but the rational side knew it was and that was OK with me. In the morning Daniel left and we both went about our days like nothing had happened. Nothing was awkward and he was the perfect gentleman about it all. He sent me a very kind, considerate text making sure I was OK about the whole thing. I messaged back with something that I thought made me sound cool, laid back and nonchalant which of course just sounded stupid. I think I got away with it though.

Between making judgements, you’re probably wondering why this is important. Well what happened on the flight home is what made this important. No one on the crew knew about my late night activities and a few made comments about Daniel and another girl on the crew. She was much younger (I’m only 26 for goodness sake), prettier and thinner than me (obviously looking back now I can say to myself ‘Who cares?@’). My insecurities immediately flooded into my mind. Comments were made that Daniel had obviously liked this girl and I was clouded with emotion; unable to rationalise any of this. I instantly felt like a consolation prize because Daniel’s first choice hadn’t been with us in the lift the night before. I was the runt of the litter that people choose because they feel sorry for them; not someone’s first choice. I felt awful about myself the entire flight home and every time Daniel spoke to me my vision was blurred with my intrusive thoughts. The bully inside of me was winning.

This is why this experience is important! Because hindsight has given me wisdom that I should have had at the time. Why do we do this to ourselves? Not just girls; guys do it too. Why do we continue to be our biggest critics? Why do we let other peoples’ judgements define how we see ourselves? After landing I was cold to the rest of the crew and once back at my car, I sat and felt tears tumble down my cheeks. Don’t judge me; I had just worked a 15 hour day and hadn’t slept in nearly 30 hours!! You do that, then spill some cereal on the floor and tell me you didn’t bawl like a baby. I was absolutely gutted. I couldn’t blame anyone here but myself. No one had made me feel like this but me. I messaged some of my closest friends with a quick run down and waited for comforting replies. Luckily for me, I received a reality check! Why was I being so hard on myself? So what if, in my opinion, this girl was prettier than me. So what if Daniel had made comments that he thought she was hot to other crew members. Why was I beating myself up about all of this? Why couldn’t I believe that maybe, just maybe, Dan was high fiving himself for the previous night? That’s why this was so important. The whole experience just showed me how insecure I can be. When staring at myself in that mirror I should be able to smile and think how beautiful I am because I am me. There will always be someone better than me but that’s all subjective. I’m not naïve enough to think a one night stand was going to be Prince Charming but for just one moment I was hoping it would be. Instead, I learned more about myself and that maybe I need to start learning how to believe that sometimes I am someone’s first choice. Not only that but what right do I have to assume what a guy (in this case Dan) is thinking about me? What right do I have to tell a guy that he didn’t choose me because he was attracted to me? I have no right to any of these things. Despite what I may think sometimes, I’m no mind reader. My telepathy doesn’t work; even if passengers seem to think it does! If I constantly tell myself that I’m a consolation prize no wonder I end up with guys who think it too. I’m basically giving them permission to think that of me. Dan never made out that he didn’t want that night to happen so why did I waste my time creating some kind of ulterior motive in my own head?

Let’s not do this to ourselves anymore. Now pick up that cereal you spilled and stop crying!

Rob* – Mechanic

So it’s been a while since my last post which means it’s been even longer since my last date! I took a bit of a backseat in the dating zone for a bit there. Work has been getting busy and I was struggling to deal with guys getting annoyed I couldn’t plan in dates when it suited them. As per my previous post; I’ve also been moving past the realisation that my heart maybe wasn’t ready for a while. Anyway I’m back!

As I’ve probably said before and most of you will experience the same; dating is hard these days! There are too many options which puts people off the idea of settling for one option. Everyone strives for perfect by society’s standards rather than perfect for them which is a whole different thing. In an effort to start going on dates again I joined a dating app called Bumble. This one is similar to Tinder in that you swipe left and right but if you match with someone on Bumble, the girl has to start the conversation! She’s also only got 24 hours to do it so the pressure is on! Those of you who know me personally will know that I am awful at pick up lines or opening conversations with guys so this was a challenge. To my surprise though, I managed to strike up a conversation with Rob* quite soon into joining the app. After the standard small talk stuff, he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink so we did. He didn’t even get annoyed when it appeared difficult to fit a date into my work schedule so he was already in the good books.

Don’t worry, I didn’t, and still don’t, plan on jumping into anything too quickly. It’s just one date! Rob and I met at a bar between the two of us and started out with more small talk. Conversation flowed and he had a good sense of humour so I felt pretty at ease with him. Towards the end of our first drink Rob asked me about my work. He asked lots of questions and genuinely appeared interested in what I was saying. He asked me about funny stories from work (which I have a lot of) and wanted to learn about the training I had to do for the job. Things were actually going pretty well as far as first dates go but we all know me, which means we all know something is going to go wrong here. I am happy to report that I won’t disappoint!

Rob went quiet for a bit and just sat sipping his drink and looking at me with a look I couldn’t quite read. I looked back bewildered and simply asked “what?”. This is where the best bit comes in. This is the point I now sit and expect on dates. This is the moment I wait for because I know it’s coming at some point. “Well, don’t take this the wrong way” God, I can’t wait to see where this is going “it’s just that, well, aren’t air hostesses meant to be, you know, like…. stunning!” Oh sweet Mother of God. Why did this guy not just keep his mouth shut? He obviously knew what he was going to say would offend me. At this point I was actually laughing inside. I wasn’t just giggling a little, I was howling with laughter inside. This is where someone handed him a shovel because he just kept digging “I don’t mean that nastily but you know what I mean. Air hostesses have always had that reputation for being like models you know?” Well I’m not sure I do know to be honest. Poor guy was probably wishing at this point that the ground was going swallow him whole because he was getting flustered and stumbling over his words. I don’t at all feel sorry for him at this point. In fact, I’m enjoying this! My reply to him was quite simply “Well they must have been having an off day when they hired me”. What else was I going to say? I had experienced similar things to this before with guys. I get it; I’m not a supermodel but I’m not exactly Shrek either! Besides did he not think that maybe when airlines hire their cabin crew they would rather hire someone intelligent enough to give immediate medical care to someone in cardiac arrest, than just a pretty face? Maybe they’d rather have someone with a brain who can evacuate 240 people in 90 seconds or less instead of a skinny body with long legs. Rob isn’t an idiot; he knew what he’d said was wrong but at least we both knew nothing would go further between us. We finished the last mouthfuls of our drinks in silence, he politely asked if I would like another to which I declined, we got up and left our separate ways without even saying goodbye. We haven’t spoken since.

Rob never apologised but then I don’t mind really. He probably feels too embarrassed to say anything and I don’t blame him to be honest. I just hope he never needs urgent medical care on a flight I’m working on.

Nothing Like The Present

What now? My stories have reached up to exactly where I am in the present. I have more dates lined up in the near future and will continue to write about them but for now, I feel that it is important to look at how my opinion of dating and love has been shaped throughout my previous experiences. When people say to me that they have bad luck with dating, I lead them to this blog and invite them to read the proof of just how bad my luck is. I think most of you can agree that I don’t do well with men (well that’s an understatement). I have learned a lot about myself as well as my frogs whilst writing about them.

When I first started dating I wasn’t ready for a relationship so, in a way, I’m glad that none of my stories had happy endings even though we were all hoping for it to go well! After the sexual assault I was even less ready for a relationship and needed time to heal both inside and out. I only started to feel ready for a relationship when I hit 22. We’ve read the stories (I’ve lived them) so we all know how they go and how I felt about them all. We all know nothing worked out with guys. We all know that it wasn’t until I was 24 years old and met Richard* that I felt some self worth and I felt what it was like to experience love (maybe; who knows about that). We also know that nothing seemed to work out right after Richard either. Every man seemed to find some poor excuse to end it with me; a lot of them were lies. Now, I’m not ignorant to the fact that a lot of you will probably have experienced the same lies and poor excuses. To the men reading this, I apologise on behalf of women for you being messed around and to the women reading this, well we all know that some men are just tools! Both sexes have spent years screwing each other around and unfortunately, it’s now a normal part of growing up. Heartbreak is a right of passage into the adult world now, and at nearly 26 years old, I think I’m only really starting to experience it.

I feel lonely. I feel lonely most of the time. You’ll be ashamed to know that I talk to Brian* sometimes to combat that lonliness (Brian is the one who said I should go to the gym and called me a 4 out of 10). Brian is still useless with women and to be honest I don’t find myself wanting to be with him anyway. I know I can do better (shockingly, I actually believe that now). I still talk to Richard sometimes; although it gets less and less. Over the past few weeks I find myself missing him more and more every day. The last time I saw him was in September of 2014 but only now, in March of 2016 has it really sunk in that I don’t think I’ll ever see him again and I don’t think he ever did love me. I feel physical pain now at the thought that he doesn’t care about me anymore. It physically hurts me to think of him with someone else. Maybe I never got any closure from him so I have struggled to move on properly. With Richard, everything was always “watch this space” and “you never know when our paths may cross” but in reality we both know the truth. We will never see each other again. Only now has the pain of heartbreak really sunk its claws into me. I was hurt a lot by various men but over time I began to numb to that pain; I expected it with every new guy I went on a date with. I was almost watching a time bomb just waiting for the next excuse or lie to end anything with me. With Richard it was different; I held hope and continued to hold it for the past 18 months. Until now. Now do I feel the pain. I don’t want to talk to him anymore so I can move on but I am scared to lose him from my life. God I don’t know how so many of you experienced this years before me and managed to get through! It’s bloody horrible!

Since Richard, I’ve dated other guys. I’ve been hurt again but not to the same extent. I’ve also realised that I can’t force this. I’ve been on the other end of criticism for apparently ‘friend zoning’ guys. My right to say no to guys I don’t fancy is apparently wrong. Would it be fair for me to date someone I don’t see a future with? I can’t force this. You can’t force this. A man cannot force you to want to be with him and vice versa. All we can do is wait. It sucks big time but there’s no other way around it. I’m not going to give up dating and I don’t believe that when you stop looking love will hit you. That’s like saying if you stop looking for your car keys, you’ll find them. I don’t know about you but the only time I’ve ever found my car keys is when I’ve looked for them. I don’t desperately search but I remain open minded about possibilities.

I still have hope. My hope is what carries me through the lonliness. My hope is what helps me continue organising dates with more frogs; well hope and the fact that I love a good comedy dating story. I don’t have any hope towards Richard anymore but I do know that somewhere, there is a pretty awesome guy waiting for me. Who knows, maybe if you listen carefully you can hear the sound of him being punched in the face for giving a girl some god awful excuse to end things with her. Maybe that punch is what makes him realise he wants to look for ‘the one’. Probably not but still.

Now, enough of that. As I said before, I have dates lined up and will continue to write about them. If anyone does however know of any eligible bachelors, send them my way…


Adam* – Retail Supervisor

You know when you’re watching a TV series and they start with a “previously on” montage, that shows you clips from previous episodes and you know they’ll be important? Well if I could do that I’d take you back to the post of Brian* the Builder. A quick recap for those who may have forgotten, Brian was someone I dated for about 3 months. He called me a 4 out of 10 and told me I’d have a decent body if I went to the gym. If you remember correctly, he also used to talk about and talk to a girl called Laura*. Well Laura is the important previously on part of this story…

Adam* and I have been friends for years; good friends actually. We’ve pretty much been in the same group of friends who have ended up growing up together so we know each other well. Adam also knows the ins and outs of my history with Brian and as a result, Laura. He knows that Brian didn’t treat me very well and that he used to text Laura all the time. He also knows that Brian ended up with Laura for a while after he ended things with me. You must get where I’m going with this now? Laura decides to make a special guest appearance in another one of my dating stories.

Let me take you back to the start. Adam and I started becoming closer than our usual friendship. Over a few months, it became clear that we’d moved past the ‘just friends’ barrier but when this happened after only a few months, we panicked. We both agreed that our friendship was more important than anything else so we decided to just go back to being friends. Adam was one of my closest friends and I cared about him a lot (yes, that sentence is using past tense) so I figured he probably felt the same about me. Neither of us wanted to ruin our friendship but on one fateful night out, I discovered he didn’t feel the same way about it and obviously didn’t care very much about me.

Adam, myself and a few of our other friends all got the train into town for a much needed night out. My best friend of about 18 years jokingly bet me £10 that I would get with Adam again tonight – he still owes me that £10. We went to a few bars where drinks were flowing and we were having a good laugh. One of the boys suggested we head to a student bar because they have a dance floor so we could spend the rest of the night there and it would be easier. We never go to this particular bar but we figured we might as well give it a go. When we got there we went upstairs and started getting some more drinks. I was looking around the dance floor to see if I recognised anyone and who came into focus but Laura herself. I was once friends with Laura but after everything with Brian, I had deleted her on social media and hadn’t spoken to her. I didn’t blame her or hate her or anything petty; I just didn’t want her relationship with Brian rubbed in my face everyday so I chose to remove them from view and continue with my life. Besides she knew I was with Brian every time she decided to text him or ask to see him and flirt with him so I just didn’t need that type of person in my life. Anyway, back to the here and now in the club where I’m looking at Laura. I did as I always do, smiled politely at her before continuing to scan the place for familiar faces.

Before I know it, Laura has come over and starts hugging all my friends saying hello. I appreciate that completely because she does know them all so I take the opportunity to go to the toilet to avoid anything feeling uncomfortable. When I come back, Laura is all over Adam which is fine because he is single after all but still feels a little annoying. Laura goes to the bar and I take Adam to one side. What I asked him isn’t something I would ever ask of my friends normally because I have no right to do so but given my previous history with both Adam and Laura I felt he would be able to see why I asked him “Adam, I hate to ask this but please don’t get with Laura tonight. Get with anyone else here, anyone at all but just not her”. He agreed and we resumed the night. I know what you’re thinking and I completely agree with you, I have no right at all to ask my friend not to get with someone and under any other circumstances I would never ask but just for tonight I was being selfish and I didn’t want Laura invading my night with my friends. In hindsight I’m glad she did.

Before I know it, Laura has come over to me. Oh god what do I do. Imagine if the girl who broke up your first ever, sort of relationship walked over to you in a club and you knew you would have to talk to her. This is the girl who was considered a 9 out of 10 by the guy I trusted the most at the time while I was a 4. She’s the girl who was texting the guy lying in bed next to me and his attention was fully focused on her at the time rather than me. Imagine how you would feel. I can tell you, I was absolutely terrified! My stomach was in knots and I was doing everything I could not to vomit angry words out. I decide to climb up the high road which looks like Everest right now and politely say hi. She says it back and then asks me “Why aren’t we friends anymore?” Really?? Even though I know full well that she knows the reason I decide the truth is my best option here. I explain, again politely, that we never weren’t friends anymore really; I just needed to cut her and Brian out of my line of sight to protect myself. I told her that I knew about her messaging him all the time while we were together and that I was happy for them but it wasn’t any of my business and I had moved on. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back for taking that mountainous high road and listened to her tell me that her and Brian weren’t together – apparently it had been a short lived relationship surprise surprise. So for the next minutes, we passed pleasantries and caught up on stuff. She asked me if I seeing anyone and I looked over at Adam, “I’m not seeing anyone but Adam and I have just recently finished something”. You know what’s coming don’t you?

Laura looks me dead in the eye and says “What? Me and Adam have been seeing each other for months now. He stays at my house all the time”. Of course you’ve been seeing Adam. Of course my dating life has just exploded in my face yet again. Naturally one of my best friends couldn’t see me as being worth more than this. I’m speechless. Laura calls over Adam and asks him if it’s true. He can only muster up the strength to say “Well” and look like a rabbit in head lights. He’s been caught out. I feel absolutely humiliated. One of my closest friends has treated me like a fool. I’m not one for drama. As you can imagine, I’ve had my fair share of it throughout my time so I simply put my drink down on the table next to me and without saying a word to anyone, I turn around and leave. I don’t want to argue with anyone. I don’t want to listen to excuses. I don’t want to deal with a girl crying or any kind of drama. Right now, I just want to get in a taxi and go home to bed. I’ll sleep on this all an deal with it in the morning when my head is clear.

I walk for the taxi rank and explain that I only have £50 cash and give them my destination. He finds a driver that will take me for the reduced amount and I go. I feel my phone vibrating in my bag and see Adam’s name calling. I reject the call. I reject every attempt from him to call me the entire 20 minute taxi journey home. I don’t need the drama right now. The taxi driver stops about a 10 minute walk from my house and tells me this is as far as he’ll take me. Excellent. I get out, remove my heels and start walking barefoot down the road towards my house. My phone starts buzzing again only this time I see Brian’s name!! What the hell is he calling me for? Bearing in mind it’s about 2am, I answer the phone to see what’s happening. Brian explains to me that he’s just woken up to Laura ringing him and crying down the phone saying she’s had a big argument with me! I might not like the drama but it appears quite clear that she does. I apologise to Brian and tell him that she’s lied to him because we haven’t had an argument. I give him a quick run down of what really happened and leave him to get back to sleep. Once I’m home finally, I change, take my make up off and climb into my safe, cosy bed for the night.

The reality of the previous night hits me in the morning. So Adam was messing around with the two of us at the same time? He flat out to my face in that club agreed not to get with Laura when he knew he’d already been doing it. I can’t describe how humiliated I felt. Some of my friends knew about it and none of them told me. Not one of them felt I should know that I’d been completely played a fool. Men will always stick by each other no matter what. I’m not sure I can trust some of my closest friends again because I know they’ll always hide things from me to protect their fellow men. My female anatomy means I will always come second to them, even if I am being treated badly. I explained the story to my Mum and couldn’t help but laugh. Two guys, who don’t know each other had completely treated me like a mug for the same girl! Does she have some kind of magical vagina? Is she the fountain of youth that everyone craves? What is it about Laura that men can’t seem to resist? And why does she continue to worm her way between me and men? Unfortunately no one can give me answers for those questions. Even more unfortunately I also can’t be angry at Laura for this one because it looks like she was a fool here too.

I’ve learned a lot from this. Adam and I will never have the same friendship we had. I don’t think I’ll ever have the same friendship with the other guys out that night because they knew what was going on all along. I did make an ally that night. The only other girl in our friendship group became my only trustworthy confidante after that. She made sure I was ok and gave me a comforting ear who would listen. I also learned that I should never ever get with any guy who knows Laura!

Tinder Tidbits

Now, just like every other single person (or sometimes not but we call them cheating idiots) I tried some dating apps. One in particular that I tried got me some funny messages. Rather than trying to explain them all I’ve decided, just for a laugh, to post some pictures of a few messages I received and my replies back to them. With some of them, you’ll notice that conversations had started but I’ve only posted the funny messages that ended up having guys unmatch me – you’ll see why…..

This is possible my favourite one. You have to admit that he walked straight into my reply being this.

big dick

The next guy was actually alright up until he decided to get a little too personal. Prior to his message we’d been discussing how he’d probably be better trying to chat to girls who are only looking for a one night thing. He decided that meant I’m a challenge and he thought he could win. Unfortunately for me, this Prince Charming unmatched me after my final message here.


Roll up, roll up contestant number three who was actually quite fun for me to mess with. He asked me how naughty I am. I replied that sometimes I check my phone at work which is really naughty but he was talking about something completely different. (Oh and he was asking me how big my boobs are in one of my profile pictures – charming).


My next victim actually seemed ok so we swapped numbers with each other! His messages after we exchanged digits ended up proving that all he was after was a one night thing. I figured I’d have a laugh with him. (Obviously I had the tea but I couldn’t change the typo). I also get the impression his last sentence was a lie and really he wanted it to rain on me in Norwich. It didn’t.

james 3

Last but by certainly no means least, this wasn’t someone I’d met on a dating app and he also wasn’t someone I’d actually ever met but he sent me a message which I laughed so hard at, I had to share it. Just to warn you his language is awful! Oh and I pretended I was a guy so said my name is John in an attempt for him to leave me alone quicker over message. I feel sorry for poor Katie!


So there’s a few of my funny messages I’ve received and also sent to some eligible bachelors of today.