6 Texters That Are Just Not That Into You

As you know, I’m back into the realm of dating. In all honesty, I’ve not pushed it and I’m not very good at actively planning any dates. My life is busy at the moment and I’ve been working a lot. I’ve also been enjoying my free time so I’m happy. For the first time in a long time, I’m only thinking about what I want to do. My free time isn’t being dictated by someone else and I’m enjoying it. I’m digressing though so back to where we should be. Although I haven’t been on many dates, I have been casually messaging guys here and there. Just dipping a toe back into the cold, icy waters of dating before jumping in head first. I’ve noticed a few little things that guys do while texting which prove to me that they’re just not interested. It’s forced me to look back at other past frogs and scrutinise their old texting habits. I’ve managed to narrow down the ones that prove a guy (or girl) is just not that into you. If you’re messaging someone and they do any of these things, I would walk away if I were you… Or just maybe keep your options open!

 

1. The Ghoster
This one is obvious! If a guy ghosts you, walk away. Don’t make excuses for him. I don’t care if he was making loads of effort messaging you before and you think you two can really hit it off and be something great. As soon as he’s stopped messaging you, that’s it. Don’t send him another message just in case he hasn’t read your last one or needs reminding you’re there. If he needs reminding, then he was never that interested in you. If somebody likes you, they’ll make the effort to message you. If they are actually interested in you, they’ll reply. They shouldn’t need any reminders. If you find he’s lacking in a reply then forget about him and move on. In the words of the wise Ariana Grande,

Thank you, Next!

2. The “I’m Bad At Texting” Texter
This is the kind of guy who wants to ghost you but doesn’t want to be a complete arsehole out in the open. This guy will start messaging you and seem keen but at some point in the beginning he’ll make a point of saying something like “sorry, I’m really bad at messaging”. RED FLAG this shit right now! As I said above, if a guy likes you, he’ll message you. If he’s not interested, then he won’t.

A guy who tells you he’s bad at messaging is a guy who isn’t keen on you but wants to keep you on the hook just in case he wants some attention from you when it suits him. When I say keep you on the hook; it’s more like a really long arm’s length where he can hold you when something better comes along, then pull you back in when that better option has gone. Sometimes you can recognise this type of person because they’ll read your messages, not reply but then be active elsewhere liking your photos. Or they’re online but just blatantly ignoring your message. Let’s be honest with ourselves here, they’re ignoring you on purpose. I’m sorry for the reality but, they don’t like you. This is why I keep my settings private on messaging apps; so people can’t see when I’ve ignored their messages (I’m kidding… sort of). So, if a guy tells you at the start he’s terrible at messaging, he’s not keen I’m afraid so walk away. You’re worth more than that. It takes 60 seconds or less to just send a quick message to someone. Don’t get me wrong, he genuinely could be busy so don’t apply this rule every time! I’m talking about the guy who takes 3 days to reply to your messages and uses the excuse that he’s really bad at texting. If a guy can’t give you 60 seconds to reply to a message and leaves it for 3 days, it means he hasn’t thought about you once in those 3 days and just isn’t interested in you.

 

3. The Out Of The Blue Texter
This guy is the one who doesn’t speak to you for ages but then suddenly drops you a “Hey, how are you?” message randomly. This could be a previous love interest, fling or some guy you flirted with once but then he disappeared for a while. You’ll think to yourself how sweet it is that he’s messaged you and must be thinking about you. I’m afraid that’s not the truth! In reality, he wants something from you; probably some attention. It might be that he’s recently become single and feeling lonely so wants some attention. If he’s in a relationship then he’s the worst kind of guy! He’s messaging you out of the blue because he’s unhappy and thinks attention from you will make him feel better. He’s fucking about in his relationship. Do you really think he’s boyfriend potential? As I said before though, the out of the blue texter might not necessarily be taken. He might be single but just wanting attention from you. You’re not a first option in this situation; you’re just a girl he thinks will give him what he wants until he finds someone else. Trust me, once he’s had some attention from you to boost his ego, he’ll disappear again. As I always say, you’re worth more than that so back away. Thank you but no thank you Mr Out Of The Blue!

 

4. The Late Night Texter
This one states the obvious and ties into texter number 3. The late night texter just wants attention from you. He’s the guy who messages you late at night only. He’ll never say anything during the day. Any time after 10pm covers this guy! He’ll message you asking if you want to come over (notice he won’t suggest making the effort to come and see you) for a drink. He might message pretending he cares what you’re up to. What he’s really hoping for is a reply along the lines of “just lying in bed alone, bored”. That opens him up to try and get flirting, sexting or anything else from you. This guy really is just messaging you late at night to either get off or just boost his ego. If you’re up for that then be my guest and give him what he wants. Just make sure you get what you want from the exchange. If you’re hoping he’s Prince Charming then you my friend, are deluded!

 

5. The Man Of Few Words
This is the guy who just messages back one word messages. He doesn’t keep conversation flowing. He’s showing that he’s actually not bothered about talking with you. If you look at your texting conversations on your phone and you notice that your putting in all the effort with your words, put your phone down and walk away from it. You’re making all the effort and he’s just not that into you. This one’s easy so if you’re even wasting your time trying to squeeze blood from the stone then you’re an idiot. For those who didn’t get it, he’s the stone and the conversation is the blood. Just run away from this guy and find someone who wants to have conversations with you. Find a guy who wants to tell you about his day and ask you about yours. Find a guy who doesn’t just write one word messages back to you.

 

6. The “You’re Wife Material” Texter
I nearly wrote an entire post dedicated to this kind of guy but figured it wasn’t worth it and it could easily be condensed into this one. This guy will message you every now and then very complimentary of you. He’ll talk in text about how you’d make the perfect girlfriend and he can’t understand why you’re still single. Does he make you his girlfriend? No! Does he show any interest in wanting to take you on a date? He might but it never happens does it? He’s not interested in you I’m afraid! He probably really does think you’re awesome but he still doesn’t want to date you. The one I’ve had a few times is “you’re wife material”. You’re right, it is a compliment and I do appreciate it very much. However, every guy that’s ever said it to me has never had any interest in going on a date with me. I finally found out why recently. The guy that texts you calling you wife material sees you as the end game. You’re the kind of girl he wants to marry eventually. But he’s not ready for that commitment just yet. He doesn’t see you as someone to date because you’re the kind of girl who’s the end game. Why would a guy want to date a girl who’s already a ready made wife? He wouldn’t. He doesn’t want to fall into a relationship that he feels is a box bought marriage potential. That’s far too scary! For some weird reason, he’s ignored your flaws and decided you’re too ‘good’ for him to date. He wants to go out with a girl where there’s potential it might end. It’s less scary for him if there’s a chance he doesn’t have to commit fully for the long run.

Some complimentary guys are genuine! Some fall into this category. They don’t want to date you. They’re not interested because you’re ready made wife material and that scares the shit out of them!

 

So that’s the 6 main texter types to avoid if you’re after Mr Right. Obviously I’m not an expert in this; I just have a hell of a lot of experience with it all! These aren’t rules that apply to every single guy. There will be exceptions to these so don’t take them as gospel. To the girls shouting that the guy they’ve been texting is different even though he does all of these things… There there, I’m sure he is different and does really love you. Maybe just have a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you really believe that as much as you think you do.

Enjoy ladies and gents. I’m just off to wait for a reply to a message I sent 4 days ago from a guy who’s “really bad at texting” but tells me I’m wife material when he messages me at 11pm asking me to come over for a glass of wine (and breathe). Really, he’s different from all the others.

 

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Lewis* – Software Developer

Delving back into dating was not something I have been looking forward to but, onwards and upwards. Or so they say. The first date I went on after the break up was way too soon but I figured it would be a good distraction and I wasn’t exactly going to lose anything by going on it. I ended up going on three dates with Lewis* (back to the changed names). We met whilst I was working my second job in a pub and he drunkenly came in. He’d chatted to me a little when I served him and then asked if I had a boyfriend. Part of me wanted to lie and say yes; mostly because I don’t think I was quite ready to admit that I was now single. Instead, I confessed the truth and told him I was single. He smiled and asked for my number. Meh, why not? What did I have to lose?

 

After a week or so of texting each other, Lewis suggested going for a drink. We arranged the date, time and place. As I parked nearby to the pub we were meeting in, Lewis messaged me to say he was already inside and asked what I wanted to drink so he could get the first round in. I had a 3am alarm set for a flight the next morning so couldn’t have any alcohol so opted for a soda and lime and sent a reply. Walking into the pub, there he was holding his beer and my cheap date drink. We did the polite hello (he was slightly less confident this time without his dutch courage) and he gave me my drink. The two of us found a seat and got to the small talk. Lewis was nice. He seemed slightly shy but he was a nice guy. He enjoyed his job developing software for a small company and showed interest when asking about my work. Once he’d finished his drink, I offered to get the next round in; it’s only fair and I’m all about splitting the bill on dates. He asked me for another beer. I hadn’t finished my soda and lime yet so got up to go and get his beer. As I stood he said “oh can I have a coffee as well?” Ok, I guess that’s fair, it’s my round. I bought his drinks and went back to sit down. I finished my soda and lime and sat for a while before deciding to buy myself another drink. Out of politeness, I asked if he wanted another to which he replied “yeah sure. Another beer for me”. Nothing about it being his round so he’d get them. Just flat out asked me for another beer. After this round, he didn’t buy another and neither did I. I had an early start so we called it a night and said our goodbyes.

 

The next day Lewis text me to arrange another date. Ok, he was a nice guy and I’d enjoyed the welcome distraction from the recent heartbreak, so I agreed and we set another date. This time we arranged a walk and then a pub for a drink. The weather was amazing so the walk was a perfect activity. The walk isn’t what’s important here. When we walked into the pub, I was first at the bar so ordered my drink. I looked at Lewis and asked what he was having. Just a polite question anyone would ask of the person they’re stood with. He ordered a beer and then told me he’d find somewhere to sit outside while he walked off.

Right, I guess I’ll pay for these then shall I?

We sat and talked more over our drinks. He asked me about the pay being cabin crew. I gave a rough idea that it’s poorly paid but it’s the price we pay to travel the world. He had the nerve to then make a comment that he earns more than double what I do!! Why am I constantly paying for the drinks then?? Luckily I had to work that evening in the pub so made a swift exit after the drinks.

 

I know what you’re all thinking. This was two dates with this guy and yet I said I had three. Yes, I did go on another date with him. This time we went for dinner. I bet you all know where this is going… The food was amazing so I enjoyed this date the most. I drove, again, because he’d, again, chosen somewhere within walking distance of his house. Another soft drink for me while he had a few beers. When it came to the bill I suggested we pay for our own drinks and split the cost of the food. Call me crazy but that seems fair right? Well that’s not how things went when the waitress brought the bill over. Instead, Lewis quickly chimed in and told the waitress we’d split things 50/50. So I had one lemonade while he chugged back 4 beers but I was still paying for half of them? Even though on our previous date, he’d made it clear he earns more than double what I do.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for splitting the bill on dates which is why I always suggest it but this was beyond ridiculous. Between the first two dates we had, he’d only spent £1 on a measly soda and lime for me whereas I’d spent well over £20. Then on the third date he’d sunk 4 beers compared to my one half pint of lemonade and I was expected to pay half? Why am I footing the bill for all of our dates? I’m not expecting him to pay for everything but at least make it fair!

 

You all know what I did though don’t you? I paid half the bloody bill, beers and all, and gave him a lift home when he asked for one (I’m laughing at myself as I write this so I’m with you all on that). Needless to say, I ghosted him after that! I’ve never ghosted anyone in my life but at 28 years old and recently heartbroken there was no way I could be arsed to waste more time with a guy that clearly wasn’t for me.

 

And so dating begins again…

 

 

 

Recovery – How to get over a break up

After Gemma from How To Make Friends wrote her guide on getting over a break up in the last post, I decided to write my own guide based on how I’ve done it and how I’ve managed to move on from having my heart well and truly shattered to pieces. With a little glue and the steps below, I’ve pieced my old ticker back together and I’m looking forward to meeting someone better.

This is just the way I’ve got over the break up. It’s not necessarily the right way. It’s definitely not the only way, but I’ve decided to share the steps I took to get over my heart break and hopefully get me ready for the next one (fingers crossed it’s not another heart ache). I’ll break it down into easy steps. You might decide to try them in the order I did them. You might switch them up a bit and customise the list to suit you! No dramas. You do you.

 

1) Cry!
Cry as much as you want, for as long as you want and whenever you want. Get it all out of your system; God knows I did. Cry on your own or to someone else. I mean, I cried to a complete stranger on a plane so nothing is off limits here. After a while, you’ll cry less and less. Then eventually you won’t need to cry at all but get it out of your system while it’s there. You’re grieving. Not only are you grieving your little heart break but you’re grieving the loss of a relationship you thought would be forever. You’re grieving the loss of the future he or she promised you would have together. You’re grieving the house visits you did and the talk from them of the kids you’d have (Yep, we looked at houses together). You’re grieving the family you’ve lost and all the annual leave you booked for holidays away with him and his family. You’re mourning the broken promises and the lies. You’re 100% allowed to cry, no matter who you are! So please, do it.

 

2) Go to the Gym
I never thought this would be something I would do but after being dumped, I got a gym membership. A few weeks after the break up, I joined the gym and started going a lot. I was in the gym at least 5 times a week. If I was abroad on work trips I was in the hotel gym, sometimes twice a day. I signed up for some personal training sessions with a PT at the gym called Naomi. She was an angel. I told her about my recent heart break and my need for the focus. She was warm, open and honest with me. She trained me and gave me workout routines I could do in the gym and also ones to do in my hotel rooms away. Naomi didn’t just give me fitness advice. She gave me life advice on getting over the break up. She promised me things would get better. She really was just an angel for me then, and she was badass! She might not even know just how much she helped. I had a focus, a distraction; fitness. I can’t recommend getting yourself to the gym enough to help start to get over a break up. It really does give you something else to keep you busy, distracted and focussed. Also, people will tell you how amazing you look and your confidence will start climbing again. If going to the gym isn’t your thing, join classes and try something new. Alongside the gym, my friend Emily encouraged me to go to kick boxing classes with her which I did. I love it! The two trainers Scott and Josh kicked my arse into gear and got me punching out my frustration and anger. Between them, Emily, Scott and Josh pushed me to work harder even when I was tired. They got me going further even when I was hurting. The three of them joined the angel hall of fame alongside Naomi and I started to get myself back again. I was smiling constantly during classes because I was enjoying myself so much.

So, get yourself to the gym. If you don’t like gyms, join a class. Even if kick boxing isn’t your thing, go to yoga classes or pilates or even pole dancing! If you’re not sure then do all of them like I did until I settled on just a few to keep me fit. You’ll meet new people, you’ll start smiling again and you’ll start boosting that confidence you lost. If you don’t like working out with people then go for a run. Start small. I started getting up at 6am and just going for a 10 minute run every morning. Each time, you’ll get further. Each time, you’ll feel less out of breath. Each time you run, you’ll feel your feet hit the pavement, music in your ear (just one headphone in for safety please) and you’ll start to get yourself back again.

 

3) You do You
I said this already in the intro for this post. A few months into recovery one of my closest friends said to me “you do you” and it kind of stuck with me since then. She was right! Being on your own again means you get to just do you for a bit. My free time is just mine again to use as I want to. In my relationship, we barely ever saw my friends. We always spent more time with his friends and his family. I like walking outdoors but he doesn’t so we wouldn’t. We’d spend our days doing what he wanted to do and going where he wanted to go. I was now allowed to go wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted without answering to anyone. I started seeing my friends more and doing things I wanted to do. I was rekindling old friendships with people I hadn’t seen in years and starting new friendships with girls from work I got on with. Spending this time doing what I wanted made me feel happy again. I signed up for a Tough Mudder Full which I’d always wanted to do. I went with my friends I work in the pub with and loved every minute of it. We smashed it round that 10 mile course and it felt like such an achievement for me. We laughed, helped each other, got wet, muddy and then had a cider at the end. The whole day was so amazing that I want to sign up again for another one! In September 2018 I completed the 24 hour three peak challenge. I went up alone and trekked Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon with people who started as complete strangers. It was amazing! It was hard, really hard but it felt amazing to complete. I raised over £1,000 for Mind mental health charity while doing it. Finally taking some time over the summer to do me was amazing.

You do you! Spend your time doing things you want to do. Do the things that your ex would never do with you but you always wanted to do. Go out with your friends. Spend time with new friends. Take back your life and your free time. It’s totally ok to share your time with someone. But rather than wallowing in being alone, enjoy your free time and do the things you want to do.

 

4) Look at all the People who Love you 
This is one you might not even realise straight away, but so many people love you! At 28 years old it does break my heart every time I think about the fact that not one single person has ever been in love with me. Even my ex who promised me a life together didn’t love me. After the break up I felt worthless and unloveable, until I started receiving messages. I was sent messages from so many people. People from my past and my present telling me how sorry they were, how amazing I am as a person, how thankful they were for my honest heartbreak blog posts and so many telling me how much they loved me. Girls at work were taking me out for girls’ night and doing my make up for me to make me feel good. Girls I went to college with but hadn’t spoken to in years were hugging me when I saw them randomly and telling me how lovely I am. Guys I had previously worked flights with saw me at work and told me they couldn’t believe someone was stupid enough to let me go. It all suddenly started to dawn on me that maybe I was focusing on the wrong kind of love all these years. Does it really matter that no man has ever loved me? Probably not when it turns out I have so many friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances who love me more than I ever believed possible. How can I be as worthless as I think because of what a few men have told me when the reality is, I’m more loved than any of them? Trust me, you’re the same (not you my ex. More people love me than they love you so in your face). To those reading this feeling how I felt… You’re loved by so many more people than you ever thought, so give yourself a break.

 

5) Do NOT, I repeat, do not go on Tinder too quickly!!
Trust me, your ex is already back on it a lot quicker than you thought he would be (I know mine was) and seeing his profile pop up will feel like a knife twisting deeper into your gut. Go on dating apps when you feel 100% ready with knowing he’s looking for someone else. You need to feel completely ok with knowing he lied about his reasons for breaking up with you. He doesn’t want to be on his own to sort his stuff out. He’s just too much of a coward to do it with you (As you can see, I’ve entered the stage where I’m angry at the ex but equally I know I’m better off without him for these reasons). Wow, apologies, I digressed. But there is truth in that for everyone! I know it’s tempting to log in quite soon after the break up, but take your time. If you really are ready to see what you feared at the beginning; that he is actively looking for someone new, then you get on and get swiping!

 

6) The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
Don’t be such a prude! You all know this has some truth to it. Only do this step when you’re ready for it. Don’t rush it. It doesn’t have to be for a relationship or something. I’m talking about good old sex for the sake of sex! Shock, I’m 28 years old and in control of my own body. So are you. This is just something to help build your confidence and remind you what a god damn, sexy human being you are. No feelings or emotions involved. It’s purely for selfish reasons. Mine was a much younger (22!!! I know) guy I’d met a few times in a local pub. I had two nights with him about six weeks apart from each other. The first time, I was drunk and didn’t care. I was interested and it would seem so was he. I took him back to my friend’s sofa bed I had waiting and it was incredible! I had some alcohol dutch courage so just enjoyed the night for what it was. The next day, the owner of the sofa bed, one of my closest friends said that while I was chatting up Charles* (not his real name) she saw a level of confidence she had never seen in me. This girl has seen me through some dark times. She is one of a few people who know me better than anyone else in the world and she was so happy with my confidence the night before. She said it was amazing to see how confident I was chatting him up and then going in for the kiss before taking him back. The second night with Charlie boy was a night out where I’d bumped into him. He was drunker this time. I wasn’t bothered about spending another night with him. Some other girl was all over him and trying it on so I was completely unassuming when he left her side and came to me and gave me kiss in front of everybody. Hands on my back hugging me towards him he placed two, delicate kisses on my lips. He looked at me, smiled and just said straight outright “Shall we go?” I had to pause for a second. He could have taken any other girl back. He could have easily taken the blonde clingy girl back but he made the executive decision to come to me and ask me. I am hot. I am sexy. I am wanted. Damn, I’ve still got it! He must have enjoyed the first time as much as I did. Within minutes he had an Uber coming and we said goodbye to our friends. That second night was even better than the first! This temporary toy boy absolutely blew my mind (and body for that matter). I don’t know what they’re teaching the kids in University these days but HOLY CRAP!! You need it in your life. I am definitely not qualified to give someone the title of Sex God but… just saying. Not only was his penis wonderful and the sex amazing, he was also so relaxed and so fun that I didn’t feel any need to keep any of my body hang ups for the night. All those feelings of being worthless, ugly and not good enough that my ex made me feel about myself melted away into the mattress of this 22 year old guy. I don’t think Charlie will ever really know just what those two nights were for me. He’ll never fully understand how much it meant to me in moving me even further forward after the break up.

Get under someone else! Or on top. Either way, just get that first one out of the way after the break up. Do it for the fun. Do it with someone who you know you’d never have a relationship with (the age in this case. Plus he moved away for good). Do it just because you want it again.

 

7) Big Breath in… Date Again.
This shit will be hard. But it’ll also lead you to meet men (or women) who will actually show you how you should be treated. In return, it’ll also show you just how much better you can do and how much better you deserve than your ex. My ex always thought, and still does think, that he can do better than me. Now I realise it’s actually the reverse. I can do better. You can do better and one day, we will.

I had a few offers from guys for dates. At first I took a step back because I wasn’t ready. Now, I am. Watch this space for the dating start again.

Guest Blogger – Gemma from How To Make Friends

Hey guys, Georgie here just to introduce! As promised, I’ve enlisted the help of an incredible fellow blogger Gemma of How To Make Friends blog and more recently the winner of a UK Blog Award! We met a few years ago and her blog is all about positivity and self empowerment so it felt natural to have her write something for me; especially while I’m in such a negative place. Please go on and have a read of her blog. Details of how to connect with Gemma are all at the bottom of her post so sit back, relax and enjoy…

 

How to build self-esteem after a break up

The breakup itself…

Nothing can prepare you for a breakup and no two breakups are ever the same. Real-talk: no matter how a breakup is instigated (even if it’s amicable) it is always shit. It’s hard because your life gets fully flipped upside down, no one truly understands how you are feeling and you have to continue living your life as if nothing has happened. Not only are you juggling all the changes that hit you at once but the moment you realise you are back navigating the world alone is absolutely heartbreaking. There is nothing else quite like that moment you realise you no longer have a partner in crime, no longer have someone always on your team and no longer have someone to come home to at the end of every day. It’s scary and it’s lonely, which is why people will willingly stay in the wrong relationship for much longer than they know they should. As humans we prefer negative attention over no attention at all. Loosely translated we would rather be in a wrong relationship than be single – it’s human nature! So battling the elements of our natural instincts to have security at home, to have attention and to have someone to love, it’s no wonder breakups trigger the same reactions as when you are grieving the death of someone.

Finding you again…

Most people will agree the best bit about a breakup is the ‘breakup diet’. After the initial shock of it all, is usually the ‘I really must pull myself together now’ phase. The instant want to better yourself, whether it be weight, diet, money, fitness, hair; this is the time you are most likely to make changes. This is the time you will be tempted to jump in and reinvent yourself. New found freedom, friendships and things to look forward to will become a welcome distraction to the heartbreak you are living every single day. The best bit about this phase is that you start getting attention and that’s exactly what you are doing it for. It makes up for the lack of attention from a partner and instead you have other people complimenting you on your upgrades. It feels good but you inevitably still have your wobbles. You feel like you’re really finding the real you, a new you and a better you and you will be feeling the best you’ve felt in a long time.

While you’re feeling fantastic about yourself you may feel tempted to dip a toe back into the world of dating. A few swipes on Tinder and you may just have bagged yourself a date to match your new upgraded self and you convince yourself you are moving on.

Dating…

‘WARNING: Dating may cause extreme lows of self-esteem’

If I could shout this from the rooftops to all the single ladies out there I really would. Yes, dating should feed your curiosity and provide you with some fun, but please take care of yourself. Putting a brave face on to the world is absolutely different to opening up yourself to being completely vulnerable to another person. The worst bit about this first stage of dating is that you will be rejected. Just as you are feeling bloody fantastic about yourself, super confident and the best version of you; along will come a date to really bring you back to earth with a bang! Go into dating expecting to be ghosted, to be told you’re not good enough and to be rejected. Unfortunately, it’s going to happen and the sooner you accept that the better.

From experience I naively went into the world of dating thinking I had struck really lucky with the first date I went on after my breakup. After 6/7 incredible dates he panicked and fled! It felt like a breakup all over again but actually even worse. I had been very cautious to be a strong independent woman and the moment I felt my guard drop slightly, he was gone.

After more dates with different guys I fully gave up on dating. As I hit an absolute low of feeling worthless, depressed and fat I deleted all of the apps on my phone and felt the pressure I was burdening myself with every second of every day release. I had never felt so disgusting about myself in my life and I knew I needed to change.

My advice to anyone reading this fresh from a breakup into the dating world is that it is absolutely brutal and please never lose your love for yourself based on rejection from others. You need to be your own biggest cheerleader throughout this whole process. Some days will be easier than others, but if even on your worst days you can show yourself a tiny bit of love it will make a huge difference.

Whether you successfully navigate through the dating world with ease, whether you find your perfect partner in no time or whether you set out to enjoy single time, now is the perfect opportunity to invest time in building your self-worth. It really is the perfect time to really invest in finding who you are, what you want from life and what your true passions are.

5 ways to build self-esteem after a breakup

1. Be alone

Give yourself quiet and alone time to reflect over your relationship and where you are now. It will hurt like hell, you won’t want to do it but it is really important to make you mindful. You don’t have to get angry at an ex, you don’t have to resent them and you don’t have to want to get your own back. Try to think of the happy times, try to forgive the bad times and really tune in with who you are now. It is important to see things as they are and not to escalate them in your mind. There is nothing wrong with you, no you’re not going to be alone forever and more importantly yes you can absolutely be single and happy.

2. Be grateful

Gratitude is a beautiful thing in times of despair. No matter who you are or what your circumstances are, there is always something to be grateful for. Even reading this you can be grateful to be alive, to have a phone/computer, to have the internet at your fingertips and to be already trying to better yourself. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. Remember everyone we cross paths with is a lesson or a blessing. Be grateful for the lessons your ex has taught you, be grateful for the time you had together and be grateful that you are the strong independent person you are today.

3. Make some goals

Now is a great time to think about you and your life. A great way to set goals is to make a list of your top 5 priorities. Then you can delve into the what, why, how and when. Dream big. These are your goals and you can achieve whatever you put your mind to. Now is your time to fully invest all of your time and energy into yourself.. Be ambitious, believe in yourself and go set out to become the best version of yourself possible.

4. Commit to loving yourself

If during the breakup things were said that weren’t meant, now is the time to forgive and forget them. Use bitter words said about you to fuel your future passions, definitely don’t dwell on them and put yourself down with them. Yes you are alone right now and do you know what? We also enter and leave this world alone too. If you cannot enjoy your own company, rely on yourself or be independently strong, you are never going to be happy. Other people should complement our lives not make them. Never, ever look to someone else to fulfil your insecurities. This is the time to love, nourish and appreciate yourself for everything you are.

5. Surround yourself with positive family & friends

Amongst spending time alone also schedule in time with friends and family. Go places, see people and be sociable. Learn things from others, get their perspective and soak in any wonderful things they have to say about you. Even if you don’t feel like going out, being sociable will really get you feeling better. This is a fantastic opportunity in your life to make new like-minded friends.

**

I will forever be grateful for having this single time in my life. It has been a chunk of my life that has allowed me to be completely selfish with my time, money and energy. I know single life won’t be forever. I am a true believe in divine timing and I am exactly where I need to be right now. In the last 6 months I have hit lows, felt the loneliest person in the world and absolutely hated myself, but now I am confident, truly happy, extremely grateful and hustling harder than ever to chase my dreams. I still have moments where I miss having a partner, someone to love and someone to give me attention but I know the feeling is only temporary. Being single is a journey, but when you start to embrace it, it is a wonderful one too. I hope you find comfort from this post, you have so got this!!

Gemma x

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The Fallout

I want you to imagine a little girl. A girl that is no older than 4 years old. At this age her Dad walks away from her Mum, her two sisters and her. He walks away like it’s the easiest thing in the world; like they had no impact on his life. As she grows older, this little girl doesn’t trust many people. At 8 years old a boy tells her he loves her but she pushes him away because she doesn’t trust him. She pushes friends away in whatever way she can because she believes it’s easier than people hurting her. At 12 years old she writes a letter to her Dad. His reply? It includes the simple sentence “You should put me in your past as I have done with you”. Imagine how that feels for a 12 year old girl. As she grows even older she decides to seek help in the form of counselling. She wants to learn how to trust people and better herself. At 16 she learns that the only male who ever said he loved her has died in a terrible accident. At 18 this girl decides to try to trust men and starts dating. At 20 she is sexually assaulted by a complete stranger. A man who thinks it’s his right to take what he wants from her even when she said no more than once and tried to fight back. From the ages of 21 to 26 this girl is lied to by various men who lead her on with whatever lies until they get bored and walk away from her using excuses, like it’s the easiest thing in the world for them. Like she meant nothing to them and like she had no impact on their lives. At 26, this girl fell in love. Truly fell in love with a man she thought was different. In the end he turned out to be the same and walked away from her like she meant nothing. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to walk away. Like she had no impact on his life whatsoever. Do you see how important this girl’s story is now? Do you understand why this girl feels so broken now?

In case you haven’t realised, that girl is me. She grew up to be cynical and bitter. Can you blame her? How can I blame each man individually though? Each one probably didn’t think much of their lies or poor excuses. They didn’t think it would have such an effect on me but when you look at the bigger picture, the effect is huge. One lie from one man means almost nothing. But every lie from every man turns it into something continuous that tells the girl she’s worthless, means nothing to them and has no impact on their lives. Let’s look back at some of the big ones who could have been something great… Andy* ghosted completely so not even a reason for walking away was given. Ok, I can get over that. Brian* who ended up giving me the excuses that he could do better than me and that he couldn’t commit to me. He committed. The girl after me; he committed to her. Richard* who fed me the lies that he would never settle down because he was an unsettled soul who just wanted to travel; he settled for a girl after me, in England of all places! Jamie* who lead me on and on until I admitted I liked him and then suddenly turned around and said he ‘wasn’t in the same place’ as me fed me some bullshit that made me think it was my fault but then a week later had a new girlfriend. Jack* (who was horrific in bed anyway) fed me the excuse that he didn’t have time to date but a week later went on a date with another girl to the pub I work in! They’re now in a relationship. It’s important to recap each of these stories because, just like my Father did, each of these men walked away like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like I meant nothing to them. Like I had no impact on their lives at all. Like I wasn’t good enough for them.

Then there is Scott; the man I fell in love with. The man who ended things with me recently. This man is not a villain. He is good. Although he could never say he loved me, I think he wanted to and even tried to love me. But 4 weeks away from turning 28, i still don’t have experience of someone being in love with me. As you can tell I’m taking the breakup really well haha. I want to believe him when he says that there isn’t anyone else but how can I believe that? Every man before him has fed me various different lies because another girl ended up being there. I wasn’t good enough. How do I believe that this isn’t the case here? Scott lied to me in the end when he promised that everything would be ok; this wasn’t the beginning of the end. As we all know, it was the beginning of the end. How can I trust that anything was real when he lied at the end? Just like every man before him had lied. I get that he never meant to lie to me. He really thought it would be ok. He’d be mortified if he knew I was questioning everything now but what else can I do? I invested everything into our relationship because he promised me a future and I believed him. Then he walked away from me, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like I meant nothing to him. Like I had no impact on his life whatsoever. I lost his family that I loved as well as his friends and workmates. I guess they walked away from me too. They all forgot about me like I never existed. At least that’s how it feels. I know that he would never say it was easy for him to walk away. I know he would hate for me to think that but how do I separate this from previous experiences?

How do I get past this? All this has proven to me is that I’m nothing more to anyone than ordinary. When I was younger I believed I would grow up to be something special. I thought I was destined to be amazing. Now, I realise that I am nothing more than average. Every man in my life has shown me with their actions in treating me the way they did, that I am nothing more than bottom of the pile. When I walk into a room, nobody looks up; I’m as good as invisible. I was never something special to anyone, even the man I recently fell in love with. He couldn’t see me as anything more than average. Someone easy to walk away from. He gets to move on easily. His family and friends get to move on easily because I’m easily replaceable. I spent time being angry. I went through and impulsively deleted photos of us together on my instagram but he never had to do that because I was never on his. Like I was easy to walk away from. Like I never meant anything to him. Almost like, despite everything I did for him, I never had any impact on his life at all. You see the pattern here?

I was dumped recently and no matter how much people try to tell me that time is a healer do you now understand why this means more than that? Every man in my life has walked away from me like I mean nothing. I’m nothing but average. I’m not special because I make no impact on anyone’s life, no matter how hard I try.

The fallout of being dumped has been something I haven’t dealt with well. It’s brought up a lot for me from my past. It’s knocked my self esteem. I have tried to find different distractions. I’ve been going to the gym a lot and wearing more make up. People are telling me how amazing I look considering everything. I’ve lost nearly a stone in weight, desperately trying to make myself appear good enough for any man who screwed me over. I’m releasing anger in kick boxing classes. I’m eating less and drinking more in a desperate attempt to temporarily forget things. I’m ignoring my friend’s messages about buying houses and getting engaged because although I want to be happy for them, I can’t. I am struggling to be happy for them because Scott wanted to buy a house with me before he suddenly ended things. I had that life, that future that my friends now have but it was pulled out from underneath me. I wasn’t good enough to have it. Now I’m supposed to smile and pretend I’m happy for everyone else who gets to have the future I had stolen from me. I suppose my useless Drama degree needs to come into play at some point.

So the fallout of the breakup? As you can tell, I’m angry. I’m moving forward but I’m still so angry. I am in a place where I’m constantly questioning everything. I am cynical and bitter and struggling to understand why things ended. The reasons I was given aren’t good enough. I am unable to trust that another woman isn’t involved and my past will explain why I don’t trust it. Also, his lies at the end mean I’m struggling to trust anything he ever said or did. I’m terrified to turn up to any of our places in case I see him with someone else. The pub we had our first date, the cafe we had breakfast in all the time. The studio we went to a spin class at. They’re all in my village but he gets custody of them and I have to avoid them all. His life doesn’t change but mine does; because chances are, I meant nothing. I had no impact on his life. I was easy to walk away from.

As you can tell, I’m still in an incredibly negative place. Sorry about that. I don’t want to keep writing so negatively so I’ve enlisted the help of a fellow blogger for my next post. The beautiful Gemma from www.howtomakefriends.co.uk has agreed to write a guest post for me to transition to something more positive for you all to read. I look forward to posting her post!

In terms of the future for me. I’m struggling to see anything but negativity but to the unlucky guy who ends up with me, I ask you to please be honest with me. Tell me the truth about everything. If you are having a bad day, tell me. If there is someone else, tell me. If you don’t think I’m good enough, tell me. Please don’t lie to me. I am worth more than that.

Richard – Pensioner

Don’t be ridiculous, I didn’t go on a date with someone 50 years my senior! I mean, I did but it wasn’t a date. It was a chance meeting with a complete stranger that happened at the right time in my life.

The fact I’m writing this post is difficult; heart breaking in fact because it means I’m no longer in my relationship. You’ll know from my previous post, written a long time ago, that I found someone. I was in a relationship for over a year and I thought I’d found the one. Turns out I was not his one. I fell in love. Whether he loved me back or not, I don’t think I’ll ever know but I loved him with every part of me. I still do so please bear with me because this is painful. I’ve decided not to write a detailed post about why the relationship ended because half of our story is not mine to tell. He is a good man and although I don’t agree with his reasons for breaking up with me, I do understand them. He met me to explain why he’d made his decision. He sat with me while I shouted, cried and even insulted him for what he was doing. He didn’t argue; instead just listened and let me get out my frustration and pain at what was happening. Bob Marley once said “the biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her”. That’s how I feel in this situation. My love was awakened but I will never know for sure whether the recipient ever had the intention of loving me back. His reasons for ending the relationship were cowardly, maybe, but by sitting and taking responsibility; listening to my pain; facing the consequences of initiating the break up; I can’t call him a coward. I imagine that could have been one of the hardest things he’ll ever have to do. Men in my life before him had never had the balls to actually explain real reasons for ending things, and none had done it to my face! I still don’t agree with the decision, but I’m trying to accept it.

You may be asking about the title of this post. The chance meeting with the stranger that came at the right time. The week after my relationship was ended (I use the word ‘was’ intentionally because it wasn’t my decision, nor was it ended by me) I was meant to be going away with my boyfriend, his family and for the weekend, his work mates and boss. Because of the last minute timing, I couldn’t give my annual leave back to work and there was no way I could sit at home crying all week. I had to find something else to do so I contacted my younger sister and booked last minute flights to France to visit her for a few days. I struggled with the trip, I was still feeling immense pain at the loss of my other half. But I needed to be away. Anyway, the flight home was where I met a man who showed me kindness. Kindness that I needed. The flight back to London was not busy at all. I was seated in the window seat while the two seats to my right remained unoccupied until towards the end of boarding when an older gentleman sat in the aisle seat. During take off, a wave of sadness came over me and tears started to roll down my cheeks. This was how it happened since being broken. The sadness hit me in waves, it still does. The rest of the time I feel numb, disinterested and in pain.

Once in the air, the man in the same row as me leant over and asked if I was ok. As I wiped away tears I gave a non committal answer about being fine, just that I had recently been through a painful break up. At this point the cabin crew stopped at us and asked if we wanted any drinks. I ordered a peppermint tea and the gentleman told the cabin crew he would like a tea and would pay for both. He then looked at me and said with such kindness in his eyes “Why don’t you tell me about it over a hot drink?” He introduced himself as Richard (he won’t mind me using his real name) and said he’d been in France visiting his son who lives there. After I had briefly told him about my boyfriend ending our relationship he went on to tell me about his own experiences of heartbreak. This may not be verbatim but it’s pretty damn close to what he did say.
“Georgie, I am 79 years old and I know what you’re feeling right now. I have been married twice. My first marriage lasted for 30 years and I thought we were happy. Then one day my wife left me and told me she wanted a divorce. She gave faintly similar reasons to your boyfriend and I felt the same way about it as you do now. I didn’t agree with them but I understood the reasons. I thought I’d never meet someone else as perfect for me as my first wife. Then years later when I was ready, I did. My second wife was even more perfect and we were married for 23 years in total before she passed away last year. Do you know which relationship ending hurt more?” Well I figured obviously his wife dying hurt more! His reply was calm, like he’d said it 100 times before. He was talking from experience. I have had to paraphrase it because I can’t remember exactly in detail everything he said. I’ve kept the parts that I do remember and that stuck with me
“My first wife leaving me hurt much more. I have mourned the end of two marriages. Just as you now need to mourn the end of your relationship. My wife passing away last year left me devastated, but I only look back on our time together with fondness and happiness. She didn’t choose to leave me and in death, still loved me just as I still love her. The reason my first wife hurt me so much was because she left me. She chose to leave… I fought with myself over it for years after because I didn’t want her to look back and only see the reasons she left me. I didn’t want her to look back and forget the good things we had together… She left me and it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough… As you grow older, you will meet someone else who will make you realise that you were always good enough, he just didn’t see it. Your next love will be the one who proves to you that you were always good enough and he will fight to show you that; the way your recent boyfriend did not fight for you. I promise, you will be ok. But take this time to cry when you need to, talk to strangers on planes if it helps, give yourself space.”

I barely had to speak because he already knew it all. Richard knew what I was feeling. I feel let down. Unanswered questions tornado in my mind. Was I not a good enough girlfriend even though I thought I was? Did I not support him enough even though I thought I did everything I could? Is there someone else that he feels is better than me and who he wants to be with instead? Somebody else who gets to benefit from the future I should have had with him? I feel like I invested everything into a relationship with someone who made me think he too was invested. He planned a future together with me. Yes, he planned it. It was what he wanted. Then to one day decide I wasn’t enough; the future he had promised wasn’t enough to fight for. I will have to live with it. I will have to live with the feeling that I was easy to walk away from. It was easy to just sweep me under the carpet and forget I ever happened. I wasn’t worth fighting for (story of my life). Whether that’s true or not, I’ll never fully know. But that’s certainly how it feels right now. My life has stopped still temporarily. His continues on. Now, I am sat on a plane with a 79 year old man who listened to me. Who let me get all of the pain out into the open. Who offered his own experiences freely; only to try and help ease some of my hurt. I can’t help but be reminded of the long list of people who have messaged me with words of comfort, support and advice for how they have dealt with their own heartbreaks. So many people, some I barely even know, who have offered me kind words proving the amount of good there is in this world. To those people, I thank you. I thank you with all of the love left in me (I’m afraid there’s not much left though since this).

I want to hate the man who is putting me through this. I want to lump him in with every other man who has hurt me. What makes it so difficult is that I can’t hate him. Nor can I compare him to previous frogs because he wasn’t like them. As I said, he is a good man. He’s an incredibly good person. Although he may have been careless with my heart he himself does have a good heart. I fear that even when he realises the mistake he’s made, I know he’s too stubborn to admit it. His fear will take priority over fighting for what we had. I’ve lost the man that I fell so much in love with. I’ve also lost his family that I fell in love with. His warm family who opened their arms to me and who I shared so much with. I’ve lost the friends that I made through him. I’ve lost the future we had together. The break up has made me lose pieces of myself too. I used to love being social, meeting new people and now? I’ve isolated myself from friends and family. I ignore messages from friends and cancel plans because I can’t face going into the outside world. I used to love food. Now, I can barely eat one full meal in each day because my appetite has disappeared from me. I’m not there yet; not ready to accept the loss just yet. But I will get there. In time, I will find the pieces of me that I’ve lost and I’ll put the puzzle back together. I will learn to accept that although this one maybe didn’t love me as much as I thought, there might be somebody else who can. Maybe I can learn to fall in love with somebody else, their family and friends just like I did with this one.

For now, while I still love him and it hurts so deeply to think of him with someone else. I do wish him happiness. He deserves it because even though he broke my heart, before that he taught me that I could experience what I’d never had. He taught me how to fall in love. He opened his family to me and trusted me with his vulnerabilities. He never once let me feel bad about myself (granted until now). He would tell me I’m beautiful. He supported me when I needed it just as I did for him. He was the other half of me who complimented me and knew how to ease my anxiety. He showed me that there are men out there who don’t play dating games and who can be honest. He taught me how to let my guard come down enough to let someone in. Most importantly, he taught me that someone can care about me just the way I am. Although I will feel great pain for a long time, I will always be grateful and look back on the good times we had. I just hope he will do the same.

Scott – The Good Guy

I want to start this post with an apology. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write anything for a while. There is a reason behind it. A big one! Brace yourselves people, this is going to be a long post. Get a cup of tea/glass of wine and some snacks because we’re in this for the long run right now…..

You ready?

The reason I’ve been quiet for so long is because I have managed to bag myself a boyfriend!! A fully fledged, living, breathing boyfriend. Before I go on anymore I have to apologise again. I’ve had said boyfriend for a while now but with the blog awards looming I decided to keep him quiet until they were done with [on a side note, I didn’t win the award]. Once the blog awards were over, life just kept getting in the way of writing a blog post about it. I guess a part of me also felt like because I didn’t win the award what was the point in writing anymore; but that’s a whole other issue in itself. Anyway, although I’ve had a birthday since and am now 27 I got my first ever boyfriend at 26 years old. I’ve managed to keep him for coming up eight months now. EIGHT MONTHS!!!

I’ll go back to the beginning. We met on Bumble (the dating app) where I was trying to find guys to give me new blog material. There I matched with Scott (no asterisk needed because that’s his real name). His pictures were nice, he was very handsome and so I figured why not! For those who have never used Bumble, it’s basically the same as Tinder in the swipe left and right sort of way except that it’s designed to give women the control. If you match with someone the girl has to message first within 24 hours or the match disappears. So I had to message first! Oh Christ this isn’t ideal for me because I’m useless with chat up lines. My solution? Google. I kid you not my exact search on Google was ‘best chat up lines on dating apps’ and I promised to use the first one. Life is low when you have to Google search chat up lines. The top result was my winning opener so I quickly copied it down and sent the message. Sorry Scott, I also sent the same message to about 4 other matches. It was research… for science… maybe. Within ten minutes he replied. Oh right I should tell you my chat up line, you might want it for future use. Thanks to Google I sent, “tell me two truths and one lie”. Scott’s reply was “you’re very beautiful, Virgin is better than British Airways, we’re going for dinner this weekend” well unfortunately work was taking me to Antigua that weekend so no dinner plans for us so it must have been his lie. Instead we arranged to meet for drinks the following week.

To be completely honest with you (he’s said this too so will agree with me) neither of us were that fussed to begin with. Yeah we had a good laugh together and he was amazing at fitting in dates whenever worked with my work rota but I don’t think either of us were really that bothered about whether it was going anywhere or not. After about a month of talking and a few dates, Scott went on holiday with his Dad and brother. We didn’t talk much while he was away and I figured, like every other time, things were beginning to fizzle out and it was the end. I was wrong and boy am I glad about that now. When Scott returned from holiday he messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up again; I agreed. We had a good laugh together so why not! From there things naturally progressed but not too quickly. We spent a lot of time meeting for drinks and dinner or afternoon coffee (hot chocolate for me). After only 2 months of dating we decided what the hell and booked a few days away in Prague. I mean I’m not conventional so this was ok for me. I was a little nervous leading up to it though; what if he murdered me while we were away? What if something bad happened? I mean, I don’t really know this guy that much do I? My worries were put to rest when I fell ill less than two weeks before our trip away. I was really ill with something caught on a work trip. Scott had time off work as it was just after Christmas (I know, sorry it really has been that long) and this wonderful man came over and sat with me nearly every single day. He just sat with me while I was unbelievably ill and watched rubbish films with me and cuddled me. It was his idea of hell cuddling me on the sofa watching movies but he did it anyway. All my fears of going away together melted after that and I could tell he was alright. I mean, what guy spends his time with a sick girl knowing he won’t get anything in return? A good one.

I am always honest here so another truth is that I still wasn’t 100% sure how I felt about Scott at this point. I think I was scared, terrified in fact. Here was this guy who I liked and normally that means something will go wrong and he’ll get rid of me. But instead we were planning a holiday so soon! A part of me knew I liked him but another part couldn’t tell if maybe I just liked the idea of him wanting to be with me. I told my friends that I’d see how Prague went but I think I knew it would go well. Jesus I was optimistic about a guy! That never happens.

Skip forward and Prague was amazing! It was one of the best holidays I’ve ever had. It snowed and we explored the city. Scott had booked a beautiful hotel. We held hands and kissed on Charles bridge. He messed around picking me up and throwing me in the snow. We laughed (a lot) and spent the time really getting to know each other. Cue the romantic music in the background because I don’t know what to tell you guys other than, it was perfect! No funny stories about things going wrong I’m afraid. I started falling hard for Scott during that trip. No guy has ever treated me like this before or made me feel like I deserve to be treated like this. He was and still is of course the best I’ve ever had (yes, in that way too. Really. The best ever! Sorry, Scott for making that public knowledge).

Once back from Prague things continued on. We spent time meeting each other’s families and planning more trips we wanted to go on. I met his boss and work friends. I was and still am one half of a couple. When the hell did I become someone’s girlfriend? Scott and I carried on growing stronger and stronger together. Obviously I had no idea what I was doing. At some point the reality started to settle in that maybe I’m not cut out to be someone’s girlfriend. I was scared everyday that he might break up with me after realising I’m clueless and he’s better than me. I’d lie awake at night and look at him just to remind myself it’s real; I’ve found someone and he’s still here. Sometimes, like a weirdo, I would sit and just look at Scott. I liked to just take him in and admire how damn good looking he is! He’d catch me staring and shake his head with a smile. He lets me do it now. He knows I’m just looking and he understands why. It’s because by this point I’m falling in love and staring at him like a psycho just proves to me he’s really there.

Since then we’ve been on more trips to New York, Mallorca and a trip to Centre Parcs with his family. We see each other when we can which for me isn’t enough but we make it work. We’ve had Valentine’s day together and birthdays together. The poor man has experienced coming into the bathroom to see a naked me crouched on the floor with wet hair and throwing up in the toilet crying! Scott is an absolute Saint who treats me like a princess. Skip back to my first ever Valentine’s day with a guy in my life! I bought him tickets for us to watch his favourite football team on Valentine’s day (I know someone get me some goalie gloves because I’m a keeper). He went one further and bought me a designer purse and surprised me with roses. Jesus it’s amazing I went so long not knowing how much I love all this soppy stuff. For the first time ever I’ve told a guy I love them. Granted we were out with my friends in Brighton and I drunkenly told Scott I love him in the middle of a gay club. I believe my words were “I don’t know if I am but I think I am. I mean I don’t think I’ve ever been in love but I think I love you”. Smooth girl, real smooth. He didn’t say it back. He smiled at me and said “you’re the most amazing girl in the world”. I’m ok with that. Can’t force these things and besides I think he does love me really but just won’t say it out loud yet.

Also seriously why did no one warn me that being happy in a relationship brought along the extra fat pockets on my stomach, thighs and arse! This happy weight is something I never knew about. Be warned people; being happy makes you fat (well slightly bigger. I’m exaggerating).

Now? I’ve settled in. We have a very open and honest relationship. I can talk to him about anything that I’m worrying about or feeling. I feel like maybe I can do this. I am capable of being a girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared. I worry if he feels distant or has an excuse not to see me. I’m a ridiculous worrying mess sometimes when it comes to us. He jokes that I worry about what day of the week it is (I don’t). The reality is I’m scared that he doesn’t love me yet. If after this long he still doesn’t love me will he ever? I’m scared every single day that Scott will break up with me. He might find someone better or someone that hasn’t put a load of happy weight on. He might get bored of being so incredibly patient with me. There might be some awful excuse to end it with me. That’s what all those other guys did to me. I live in fear of losing this because all I know is men hurting me. All I’ve ever known is that I’ve never been good enough for someone, anyone and yet maybe I am now. I just need to figure out how to let go and enjoy it. I need to trust that if Scott becomes unhappy with me, he’ll tell me. I also need to trust that he won’t hurt me unnecessarily. He’s a good one and I can’t wait to see the future. In the mean time, if I go quiet again for a while it’s because I’m happy. If you see a blog post soon, it’s either a funny story about Scott and I or there’ll be a shortage of tissues because I’m crying and heartbroken

Lee* – Customer Service Advisor

This story isn’t so much about a romantic interest; well not on my part anyway. I went out for dinner with a friend of mine. I’ve known him for about 7 years and we’ve been those kinds of friends who don’t see each other very often but when we do, it’s like no time has passed. We have a good laugh together and just generally get on like the proverbial house on fire. On this fateful night at dinner our friendship would change however.

Dinner was as normal, we laughed and caught up on whatever we’d both been up to since our last encounter. Everything was as it always was. Just as desserts had been ordered, Lee* asks me about my blog (this one obviously) and jokes about whether he’ll make it on as a new story.  At this I laughed and said honestly “Well I only write about dates. I don’t write about my friends” (although here we are). Lee looked like his mood dampened at this. His reply was “Oh. So is this not a date then?” Well this is awkward. The silence between us both makes it feel even more awkward. I’m pretty sure the couple on the table next to us have heard the conversation and are now trying to cut the awkward tension with their bloody knives it’s that bad. We’ve been friends for 7 years! 7 years and Lee has never ever once mentioned about us being more than friends or going on a date. There’s never been so much as a hint of romance between us but suddenly on this night, he reckons a spark might just summon itself up. I feel so embarrassed for both of us.

“Umm, Lee I’m really sorry but I just thought we were friends. It’s been 7 years so I think we’re past the point of it being romantic.” At least I’m being honest about it. Lee’s next rhetorical question really wound me up though! You all know me well enough to know that I’ll explain why. “Oh, so you’ve friend zoned me?” God I hate that! He spat the words out like they tasted of sour milk. Why has the term ‘friend zone’ been coined as an insult? It also seems to mainly apply to women friend zoning men. You don’t hear so much of men friend zoning women. The amount of times over the years I’ve told a guy I like them and he’s said he just wants to be friends is ridiculously high. Did I get all insulted and sulky and accuse him of friend zoning me? No; not once. Instead I carried on being friends with them because that was better than nothing in my eyes. I enjoyed maintaining the friendships I had with the guys and still do with some of them.

I explained to Lee that I couldn’t understand why he was so insulted but I did want to carry on being friends with him. He, not so politely, declined the offer with the reasoning that he “has been nothing but nice” to me for all that time and yet he gets nothing. 7 years of friendship down the drain just because I had apparently done the unthinkable for a man and dun dun dun….. friend zoned him!! Apparently a punishment worse than death for the male species. I can only apologise. It also frustrates me that Lee had it in his head somewhere that him being nice to me and treating me with respect should be rewarded with sex or a relationship!! Where is this rule written somewhere? I really must have missed something growing up. What right does a man have to tell me that just because he was a decent human being to me and gave me friendship, he deserves to be rewarded with sex or something romantic. Again, I will happily exercise my right to say no on this account. Any man that believes this, deserves to be worse than friend zoned. I’m pretty sure that way of thinking is how men end up forcing themselves upon a woman (I’m not accusing or suggesting anything of Lee, but it is slightly worrying).

So, my friendship with Lee is no more. Ladies, be careful not to punish a man with the friend zone because apparently some just can’t accept it. Others, I can account for and say they are wonderful friends: some of the best friends I will ever have! Men, the friend zone isn’t the worse place in the world. Embrace it gents.

Sean* – Stranger Boy Racer

Yes, the job title of this guy sounds intriguing. It’s not exciting, I just don’t know what his actual job is so this will do. You’ll understand why as the story unfolds.

As your detective skills have already determined from reading my previous posts, it’s clear that I work as cabin crew. On this particular day after landing back from a long haul night flight, my car was dying for a drink so I stopped at a petrol station on the way home to satisfy the poor thing. It was this supermarket petrol station that set the scene for my oh so romantic encounter with Sean*, the stranger boy racer. I’m going to inspire you to imagine how this looks for an outsider. Yes I am in full uniform which some may find attractive (I don’t) however, after working a nine hour night flight on about 4 hours sleep for the previous 24 hours, my hair was a mess, my make up had slipped from my face and I’m pretty sure it was hard to determine whether the dark circles under my eyes was smudged eye make up or genuine evidence of how shattered I was. To put it bluntly, I looked like a zombie from an apocalypse movie who had just happened to stumble across the uniform of a flight attendant and put it on for kicks.

After paying for my petrol and buying a much needed sugar kick in the form of a toffee crisp, I got in my car and willed myself to start the journey home. As I was pulling away and driving towards the exit, I could see a car start to jolt forward from one of the petrol pumps that was to my left. This car kept coming forward towards me so I had to swerve to the right of me to avoid being hit. The other car stopped and I followed suit. I looked to see some guy who couldn’t have been any older that twenty looking at me and getting out of his car. Again, I followed his lead and got out the car and vaguely remember the words “What is wrong with you? Did you decide to just not look at all when you nearly drove into the side of me?” He just stood there and looked at me for a minute. Ok this feels uncomfortable. His excuse for why he’d nearly smashed into my car was ridiculous. It’s something you think would be really cute to hear and some awful screen writer somewhere has probably used it as the way two people meet before falling in love. To me it sounded like the stupidest thing I’d ever heard and I almost felt insulted I looked like the kind of girl who would fall for it. I kid you not when I tell you that his reply to my anger was “I’m so sorry. I saw you getting back into your car and I needed an excuse to talk to you because I think you’re stunning. I figured even if I did hit you, the bump in my insurance would be worth it.” Please, Lord, give me strength. Naturally I was a little speechless by this. I looked anything but stunning and I’m pretty sure I was wearing a big sign on my forehead saying ‘Fuck off. I am not in the mood’. He continued on to ask me for my number like it was the most normal thing in the world after he’d nearly rammed his modified Renault Clio into my passenger door. First of all, get rid of those stupid wheel rims and throw out the awful low modified bumper you’ve got; you’re not 17 anymore buddy. Second of all, absolutely no thank you! I politely declined, muttered something about being more careful next time and got back into the car to make my escape and get to my bed!

What guy in their right mind thinks that would be the best way to get a girl’s number? I mean, obviously he was a little cocky and thought I’d fall weak at the knees at his grand gesture but what sonny boy over here didn’t think of was the fact I just didn’t care. Boys, if ever you think it’s ok to nearly drive into a girl as an attempt to get her number… Think again. First of all, it’s stupid. Second of all, it’s stupid. Third of all, it’s stupid. I do hope the little tyke finds a girl who’s heart melts at his risky attempts of romance. I, however, will move on to find a man who does the old fashioned stuff that doesn’t mean a nearly smashed up car.

Bad Things Come in Threes

You know when you’re having 24 hours that seem like all the bad stuff is happening in one go? Well I had that. Yes, I am being extremely over dramatic about this particular 24 hours; but I have every right to be. During the 24 hours in question, I received three messages from three different men. None of the messages were good. One was ridiculous. The second was actually just really rude. The third one really upset me; it hit me hard but in the same way it was also quite unbelievable. Enough so that I had to send it to my friends to read so I knew I wasn’t imagining things….. so naturally I had to write about it.

The first message I received was from a guy at work who I have never met. I mean, I’ve never seen him and I’ve never even heard his name before.

work-fo

First of all, my name is not Georgia. It never has been and never will be but easy mistake to make. Second of all, you’re right, you don’t know me. How can I trust you when you are a complete stranger? The most important and final point of this is that your so called Chinese whisper is completely untrue! I know I’ve written about two pilots on here but he is not referring to either of those. I know the pilot this guy is referring to though. I once worked a St Lucia trip with him and he was memorable for the wrong reasons! He played this cute schoolboy with a crush act on all the girls in the hope that one would fall for his charms. Unfortunately for him, none on our particular crew fell for it (I guess he had better luck elsewhere). This particular guy has made a name for himself because he sleeps around the crew (Yes, I know. I was one of those moronic crew members who fell for it with other pilots and I have blog posts to prove it) and pretends like he really likes them. Who are these naive girls that fall for his game? They need a slap! The one thing about this one that SHOULD be the big flashing, red deterrent for the stupid girls who sleep with him……. he’s married!! He wears a gold band on the ring finger of his left hand. As my unknown friend in the message above has made clear though, his friend obviously doesn’t care about her fella’s wedding vows.

What happened to girl power and girls sticking up for each other? Aren’t we supposed to help each other out? No wonder some (not all) guys walk all over some of us. Certain women hand men that power by screwing (literally) behind their backs. Now untwist your knickers and stop moaning, I know it isn’t everyone and I know full well that girls cheat on their boyfriends and husbands too. I just hate that women have fought so hard TOGETHER for equality throughout the ages and yet here we are, watching women (and some men) screw each other over. Just leave each others’ husbands and boyfriends alone alright?

 

Message number two on this fateful day was from a guy that I dated very briefly. We had a total of three dates together and he was nice enough but there just wasn’t any kind of va va voom for me. We didn’t have a lot in common which I know isn’t always important, but it just wasn’t there for me. He ignored me first via messages though so I figured he felt the same way and left it at that. Which brings me to this random message from him…. three months later

sorry-message

Come on!! Really? This was necessary to send why? He had an out. This echoes previous guys I’ve written about and brings me back to my point where guys just have to be the ones to end it. They can’t accept it when a girl makes the decision to end something so they have to try and get in the last word. Derek was my most recent frog who just couldn’t handle not being in control of the end. This guy just couldn’t hack it that we’d both kind of ignored each other. He had to have the last word to end it. Come on, he lacks all kind of style really. Don’t try to make out like it’s my fault because I work away a lot and then put me down by saying you are out of my league. If you’re going to be a complete tool then own it. Be confident in your utter toolness. Be the best tool you can be. I guess I have to appreciate that he did tell me to ‘take care’ and took the time to put a kiss at the end. I feel like he really meant it too.

 

The third and final message I received in this over dramatic period ending my 2016 was a tough one. What was even tougher was figuring out how I could write about it whilst also keeping the complete anonymity of the man in question. In order to do that I’ve decided not to include the message in this post. Even though I cried, shook with anger and also sat in a state of shock for a few minutes, this man has people close to him who’s anonymity needs to remain protected.

You know those moments when you look up to the sky, to a God, to the Universe maybe or just because you don’t know what else to do? This was one of them. I believe my exact words were “Are you kidding me?” to nobody in particular. My phone had buzzed so when I looked at it to read the message I had received, nothing could have prepared me for what I opened. A message from the Father (yes, Father) of a man I had previously dated. This message was inappropriate. It is important to me that you don’t jump to conclusions here. There was no offensive language or any details of a disgusting nature. There were no dick pics (thank god) or requests for pictures from me. There was simply the mention of a kiss and the implied nature of where it would lead. I don’t know if alcohol was involved but I can only assume it was in this instance. I was gutted. I cried a bit. Not because I was scared or anything. I cried because I was embarrassed for this man. I was embarrassed that I had ever met him and spent time with him. At one point the thought will have crossed my mind he could have been my family! If things had turned out differently with his son, he could have been my Father in Law. I replied telling him that he was being completely inappropriate with me and that he should never contact me again. He agreed. He knew what he’d done was wrong. Do I tell his son? Do I send him the message and fracture his relationship with his Dad? I decided not to. I couldn’t put him through that and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t using it as an excuse to talk to him again. Was that the right decision? I don’t know but I’m only human. Naturally I sent the message to my friends and after the initial shock we all laughed. Honestly, how the hell do I end up in these situations?! What did I ever do in a previous life to become the butt of almost every dating joke imaginable?

So that was the 24 hours. Three messages from three different men; all completely unrelated. At least this proves that every day really does bring something new and unexpected to life and for me, every day brings me new material to write about.