“No luck on the flight getting delayed?”
We continued texting for a while. It was pretty much daily. He would send very sweet messages about how much he liked me and he wasn’t interesting in ‘hooking up’ with anyone else (he’s American remember).
I was trying not to get my hopes up because realistically, this would be hard!
Really hard.
The distance wasn’t exactly something we could both ignore. To me, the World feels much smaller because of work. I travel to long haul places all the time for only 24 hours and still manage to explore and make the most of it. Virginia is a fairly short distance so I knew I could do that regularly for 48 hour periods to see David*.
Ever the optimist, David kept saying we could figure it out. I believed him. I knew we could figure it out.
If we really wanted it to.
He reminded me of the mornings we brushed our teeth together and how he liked that it felt “coupley”. He liked how easy it was together.
This guy would talk about how he’d never had this “specific connection with anyone before” and how he couldn’t just “ignore it”. He let me know numerous times how much he loved that I was so inquisitive and how our conversations just flowed.
I know this sounds like love bombing but I’ve obviously paraphrased our messages. These things were dotted in amongst hundreds of messages and conversations together. He was also very aware of how difficult this would be. David was also realistic about how the communication would be important between us to even try to make anything work.
David was very good at remaining optimistic about my week off in a few months time and how I could fly out to stay with him.
I always think you should never regret the things you did. But you’ll always regret the things you didn’t do. That’s why I figured I had to just fall into this. I had to let this happen. Him and I had talked about it and about how we didn’t want to regret not even trying.
I started to get excited.
Fucked it.
We all know that as soon as you start to get excited, it’s doomed.
David’s messages started to feel like he was going to ghost me.
I’ve been there before. I’m quite the scholar now. I might as well have had calls from companies asking me about my skills with ghost hunting and leading a seance because I’m so talented with attracting ghosts now.
This time I decided to just ask him. Things felt off so I straight up asked if everything was ok.
He was honest at least but told me that he was worrying about the distance. His messages shared that he has spent time thinking about the long term and how it would work.
I was willing to try. I won’t force a guy to want to spend time with me so I let him know that he was free to leave if he wanted to. If he was doing the digital version of sneaking out in the morning, just give me the heads up.
He straight up promised me he was not doing that. This guy swore that he was not ghosting me. He reminded me of the first night when I told him to wake me up if he was going to sneak out and when he promised he wouldn’t do that.
He seemed to settle and agreed he was willing to try. Our conversation fell back into its usual pattern.
Until it didn’t.
One day, mid way through a normal text exchange, he stopped.
Nothing.
RIP.
Ghosted.
Again.
Now, one of the best pieces of advice I can ever give to anyone who wants to send a message telling a man how he has made her feel? Don’t do it.
He knows.
This guy, every guy, knows exactly how he’s made you feel but he’s done it anyway because; all together now…
He doesn’t care.
I left it for a week. He ghosted me and I respect the dead. I don’t respect deadbeat men and I’ve probably said it before on here.
I broke my rule. So I did message him. Not a long message about my feelings but just one to say I was disappointed he chose the cowardly way out. I might have added that my guess for it was that he was either not single, or he was too scared.
I even included a little bit saying one day when his daughter comes to him disappointed about being ghosted maybe he’ll be able to reflect on this. Then I said “Take care. G x” because I always like to end it like that.
Now, I was never expecting a reply.
ONE MONTH LATER.
An entire calendar month my friends.
A month later, I’m on holiday and I suddenly get a notification that The American has messaged me.
It simply said
“It was the latter. Hope you are doing well”.
Admitting he was scared which is why he ghosted me.
No apology. No real explanation. Just told me he was too scared to even be a grown up to explain to me. Why bother even messaging after all that time has passed?
So. That’s it.
I gave his message a thumbs up reaction and never replied.
What’s the point?
RIP David. I’ll cancel the seance.
Leave a Reply