I wrestled with writing this post and whether to even post it. It took a few drafts and edits. In the nearly 10 years of writing this blog (award nominated I’ll have you know), I never thought I’d be writing a post about my embarrassing and completely unhinged behaviour. But here we are. So strap in. One of my closest friends got married. It was the most beautiful ceremony in Cyprus. The outside beautiful stone and cobble area was lined with green and white. They were the most beautiful couple. She was an absolute vision of beauty. The sun was shining,...
Graham* – Something Military
Sadly, another Hinge date. This post will probably be fairly short. It seems to be the way that most guys when you start chatting will want to meet for a drink quite quickly. They like to gauge if they’re interested or not sooner rather than later. I agree! But sometimes with my job (and two other jobs) it can be difficult for me to arrange something so last minute. Graham* was actually very understanding about that fact. We arranged a drink on an evening we could both do and he agreed we would just chat over message until then. He...
Kieran* – Police Officer
Ah, another date from a dating app. What could possibly go wrong? This contender didn’t want to chat for long. He was keen to meet quite quickly and get a drink organised. So we did. He was a (well, is a) police officer. He chose a place fairly midway for us and we agreed an evening. I arrived and suddenly panicked I didn’t know what he really looked like! All of his pictures were slightly different to each other and I wasn’t sure, so I spotted a staff member in the pub and asked for help. I had to do...
Rhys* – Security
I hate Hinge. Even without the ridiculous profiles, the stupid comments and the repetitiveness, it’s just soul destroying. I have, in my mid 30s only just found out that apparently ALL heterosexual men on Hinge like dog walks and a roast on a Sunday. They ALL want to find a relationship that has the ‘perfect flirt to roast ratio’. They ALL also need to learn what the word spontaneous actually means because apparently the most spontaneous thing they’ve all done is quit their jobs and move to Australia: something that requires visa applications that take time so, is in fact,...
Anthony* – Graphic Designer
So getting back into the dating World means going on the apps. I do not enjoy them. There is not one single part of being on the apps that I find fun. I will actively avoid going on and swiping. I’ve lost almost all of my confidence in myself including my ability to even talk to people. My previous post let you all in on the fact I feel ashamed of myself for where I’ve let myself fall to. I’ve put on a lot of weight; I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I’ve also fallen out of love with the...
I’ve Let Myself Go
What if it was all my fault? I’m back. I’m not sure how long for but we move. It’s been a while. Mainly because I needed to distance myself. I love writing. But it was becoming so sad and miserable. Taking a step back was necessary. I’m still sad and miserable I’m sorry to say. BUT I have been on some dates! So at least I’ve got some stuff to write about that isn’t me wanting to vacate the World. My nephews are still the absolute loves of my life and while they’re growing, they’re still my reason to stick...
I’ve not been fine
I’ve not been doing fine. I tell everyone “I’m fine” but the reality speaks very differently. This year has been possibly the hardest in terms of my emotional and mental wellbeing. I’ve struggled every day. Some days it just felt too much and I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I still don’t. It’s funny; I said it out loud and people didn’t hear me. This isn’t strictly true but the very few people who did reach out were some of the most unexpected. People I haven’t seen since school and college. Now...
My Reason To Stay
To Arthur and Grayson. My boys. You made me an Auntie. The greatest gift you could have ever given me. A role that I have loved having every second so far. What you boys might never know is you also made me stay. Your parents fought hard to bring you here. They chose to love each other through the pain, the tears and the waiting. That love kept you safe until you arrived. On that day, once we knew that you were both safe and your Mum was safe, we all felt so much love. It was scary at first and...
I’m Alive But I’m Not Living
I’ve lost the will to live. Not the will to be alive. I keep breathing in and out and I keep being alive but I’m not living. Not like I used to. I used to try to make the most of days and work trips. I wanted to enjoy every moment as much as I could. Now, I don’t live. I just get myself through each day hoping something will change. I’m not living anymore. So I sit in this hole. It’s not getting any deeper but I haven’t yet found the motivation to climb out of it. I just...
Three Times Ghosted
Once, twice, three times ghosted! Excellent. Granted, two of them then a few weeks later came back to apologise for ghosting me and of course included the “it’s not you, it’s me” line in one way or another. One of the guys is sadly Pete* from my last date. My first toe back in the water was successful, it seemed successful… and then it didn’t. Let’s start this chronologically though. Three Times Ghosted begins. The first one was a guy I met on a popular dating app with a bee theme where women have to initiate chats after matching. We...