David #4 – Pilot (Ergh, I know)

David #4 – Pilot (Ergh, I know)

As you can tell from the title of this post, I already know exactly what you’re all thinking; especially those who work with me.

I’ll get to it later about the fact he’s a pilot.

For those who want to try and guess who the man in question is… don’t bother because this happened a while ago now! It wasn’t on a recent trip as I tend to leave it a few weeks before writing about my frogs now. I won’t draw this out any longer; let’s get on with the show.

What’s important about this story is that his name isn’t actually David! I know, I know, it kind of defeats the point of being in the David experiment but I don’t actually know his real name!! The Captain and the man in question had been joking around on their previous night and had come up with nicknames for each other.

Said pilot was christened Comedy Dave so that’s all I knew him as! Maybe his name is Dave but I don’t know unfortunately.

For that reason, I’ve included him as a David.

I’m the one tapping away at the keys so all you can do is accept that this is what I’ve done.

For this story you should know that for some of our one night trips, us cabin crew don’t fly home with the same pilots we flew out with. So, on a one night stop over in the Caribbean I met David who is a pilot. I didn’t fly out with David but he was working home with us.

I didn’t know any of my crew but it is customary that crew meet for a much needed alcoholic beverage when we arrive at our exotic destination. The flight out had been busy and a little hectic so I definitely needed a cocktail!

I’ll skip ahead a bit……

Whilst sitting down on the beach with a mango daiquiri in hand one of the crew members pointed at two guys sitting at the bar “That must be our flight crew taking us home” (crew members stick out like a sore thumb so you can spot them a mile away).

She proceeded to jump up and go and invite them over. I recognised the first officer (co-pilot for those not in the industry) straight away and began racking my brain (Ahh I remember, a Jersey night stop last year).

Some vague introductions were made and he recognised me so we chatted about how he’d moved from short haul to long haul and some other boring work crap. Rather than dragging out the small talk bit I’ll just tell you that he was absolutely hilarious and we got on really well. We both had a good laugh and conversation flowed. There was banter flying around and more alcohol consumed over the night.

Slowly people started to peel away from the group until only a handful of us remained.

Then some idiot suggested going in the sea (god I hate when crew get drunk and suggest the ocean at night as a good idea)!

Of course by this point we all thought it was a bloody good idea so in the sea we went! Some got down to underwear, some girls figured screw it and went topless.

I, on the other hand, panicked because I suddenly remembered I had decided to put on some ugly big knickers that were a faded white colour with some kind of grey pattern on. Christ what was I thinking? Well I was thinking that after a long flight I wanted to be comfortable. Plus I didn’t plan on anyone seeing my stupid, massive (like practically Bridget Jones style) knickers!

My only solution was to keep my top on and pull it down so it was long enough to cover my sizable pants; luckily it was long enough. We all splashed around and continued chatting and moaning about how cold it was getting.

Dave and I carried on our conversation and getting to know each other when he said

“I’m so sorry but I don’t actually know your name”.

Well that makes two of us!

After laughing that we didn’t actually know each others’ names (I know what you’re thinking, hilarious right?) he decided he’d stick with Dave and I would be Lulu. Fuck knows why he chose that name but I just went with it.

A few more people decided to get out and head to bed but before they left asked us if we were staying. Dave looked at me, smiled and just said “Lulu and I have more to chat about so we’ll see you tomorrow”.

Of course some looks were exchanged before Dave and I were left in the water alone. I’m just going to say it right now, no I did not have sex with him in the sea!! No sexual contact at all was made so go and hose yourself down you dutty pig.

I’ll paint the picture for you now but be careful because it’s going to sound pretty romantic!

The sky was completely clear and speckled with stars. Above, the moon was almost full and shone down reflecting on the water. The only other light was coming from the hotel just behind the palm trees and the only sound was that of the waves softly kissing the shore. Around us, the waves were getting a little stronger and although we weren’t deep, one wave pushed me into Dave.

He caught me and just looked down at my face. His hand came up and very delicately pushed some of the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. Even in the dim light I could see his eyes staring straight into mine.

Without any hesitation he leaned down and kissed me.

Alright, I said no sexual contact was made but kissing hardly counts as sexual contact.

Anyway, that all sounds damn romantic doesn’t it?

I can tell you now, there was not much romantic about having waves crashing into you. We were both trying to keep our balance while trying to kiss and a big wave crashed into us mid lip lock. My mouth was full of water so without even thinking about the fact his lips were still pressed on mine, I spat all of it out and into his mouth!

Once the realisation of what I’d just done dawned on me, I pulled away to laugh and apologise while he spat the water out into the sea. There’s nothing romantic about being cold and wet in massive, ugly knickers and spitting salt water into somebody else’s mouth.

We both laughed and moved to shallower waters to continue talking (and kissing) a little more. This was where I suddenly panicked!

I grabbed his left hand and inspected it closely.

No wedding ring. Thank god!

There was also not even the hint of a tan line where one would be so there wasn’t even the ghost of a wedding ring. He clocked on and burst out laughing.

“Lulu I’m not married! Never have been and there’s no chance of it happening in the near future”.

Phew! I know what pilots are like.

Ok, I shouldn’t stereotype because there are some decent ones out there. Those who are completely faithful and I feel sorry for them because they are tarnished with the same brush as the cheats. There are, however, a number of pilots who shouldn’t be trusted. Just as there are some cabin crew who should never be trusted with matters of the heart.

Anyway, he kissed me again and we continued to laugh and get to know each other more until we were both shivering and had fingers that looked like some kind of old wrinkly ball sack.

Bed time!

Dave was a gentlemen and we kissed goodnight before heading off our separate ways to bed.

The next morning I got up early and went for a run along the beach before breakfast. I met Dave at the agreed time and we had breakfast together, like it was something we did every day.

After breakfast a load of us spent the morning together by the pool. I know, it’s such a hard life I live for work.

It was early afternoon when everyone split off to go and get a nap in and get ready for the night flight home.

The story is boring until the end of the flight now.

Rather than bore you with the details of my nap, shower, getting changed and then working the flight home, I’ll skip forward to the end of the flight!

I didn’t see Dave for the whole flight, then once all the passengers were off, he came straight up to me and grabbed my hand.

Hang on, some of the other crew will see this but he doesn’t seem to care! He wasn’t exactly being subtle about it all so I smiled.

Dave kissed me on the forehead and apologised that he hadn’t seen me during the flight. He asked me for my number so I quickly scribbled it down on a scrap of paper and he put it in his pocket.

Naturally some of the other crew members who did spot it made a few jokey comments and laughed. Dave and I just smiled at them and continued on our way.

Getting off the plane, everyone said their goodbyes and starting walking off. As I was walking off feeling pretty good about myself I suddenly heard my cabin manager say behind me say something to Dave.

“Thanks again and good luck with the baby coming and everything”.

Oh come on!! Seriously?

Of course he has a baby on the way. Of course something is wrong with this situation.

My heart sank and I just carried on walking like I hadn’t heard anything. Are you kidding me?

That was it. I was so angry with myself. It had just been a kiss but I still felt awful. There was a pregnant woman somewhere who had absolutely no idea what her baby daddy had been doing. If I had known I would never ever have let it happen. I couldn’t believe I had been such an idiot. This proves that I should always trust my instinct with pilots.

I never heard from Dave after that trip and assumed I never would. Over a week had passed since the trip when I received this message…



Wow! What the hell do you say to that?

I chose to say nothing because I didn’t want to hear anything else from him. I didn’t need to listen to any excuses because there was no excuse and he knew that.

What did really make things worse was his last sentence.

Did he think that because he’d paid me a compliment I’d turn around and say “oh well in that case no worries”? There was nothing to say in reply and I’ve never heard anything else from him. I just hope he hasn’t made a habit of it on his trips!

This has taught me (again) to stay away from pilots.

What is difficult and what you should try to understand is that in my job, it’s tough to meet guys. It’s easy to get pulled in when an attractive man in some exotic country tells you he’s single and is nice to you.

I don’t get many opportunities to meet eligible bachelors because I’m always away. My friends at home have lives so going out has become less frequent. Also I’m not exactly a rose in amongst the thorns at work! I’m surrounded by beautiful, slim women in their uniforms. If you can imagine a potato crammed into a uniform, that’s me.

The majority of straight guys in my job are pilots and unfortunately my mind reading skills aren’t what people expect them to be so I can only take the information I am given at face value.

Anyway, I’ll not make that mistake again!!

Me – 3
David Experiment – 1

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