Chris* – Delivery Driver

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I met Chris* in a slightly weird way to be honest. He messaged me on Facebook saying he was a friend of Josh’s* (the barman from my previous date)! He asked me out for a drink and said that he’d already spoken to Josh and he had said it was cool. Now seeing as I wasn’t messaging Josh anymore I figured if he said it’s ok then what’s the harm in going for a drink; it’s not like I’m dating anyone else at the moment or getting offers!

So Chris and I met up at a restaurant but planned on only having drinks at the bar side of the place. Now before I say this next bit, I’m not shallow. I mean I will literally date almost anyone who asks me because I do fully believe you can’t judge a book by it’s cover and I might love someone’s personality. I am, and was at this time, 5ft 5in which isn’t that tall really. I’m roughly the average height for a girl my age. As I saw Chris walking towards me I kept noticing how little his height was growing as he got closer. It wasn’t until he was stood right in front of me and reaching up to kiss me on the cheek that I realised he must be no taller than 5ft 3in. Ok. I always imagined myself with a guy taller than me but you never know. He could be the man of my dreams. Haha boy was I wrong!

So anyway, we went inside and sat down with some drinks. For the first half an hour it was pretty much all small talk about where we’re from, what we do, family etc etc. Somewhere talking about family it came up that Chris’ Dad had died from cancer when he was younger. Now I fully sympathised with him on this because, although I only have one parent, if anything ever happened to her I don’t know what I would do! I asked if he wanted to talk about something else as I could see it was upsetting but he was happy to talk about it more, and more, and more. In total we spent the second half an hour talking about his Dad’s battle with cancer and the lead up to his death. Chris went on to talk about the funeral afterwards. I’ve not yet lost a parent to cancer and to anyone who has, I am truly sorry for your loss as I imagine it can only be one of the toughest things to go through but would you discuss every detail of it to a stranger on a first date?

I am very open minded and quite a caring person so I’m always happy to listen if someone needs it but, as with everything, there is only so much someone can take. Once Chris had finished talking about his Dad’s death (and everything surrounding it) he proceeded to talk about every single member of his family who had ever died in chronological order. Five family members and two friends later it seemed like Chris had run out of deaths to give me the details of. This was roughly two hours later into our date. Rather than change the conversation, or rightfully so call it a night, Chris went on the death war path and decided it necessary to give me the details of all his pets who had died throughout his childhood and leading up to now, his age of twenty five! I was nineteen and had been lucky in that the only deaths I had experienced at this point was our dog Dexter and an old best friend of mine at sixteen. I still didn’t feel the need the share the details of these with Chris.

I spent roughly 4 hours with Chris and a total of 3.5 of those hours was spent with me listening to him talk about death! This was and always will be the most depressing date I have ever been on. I had literally just met the guy and this was all he could talk about. I was exhausted and at 11.00pm told him it was late and I had to go. We walked to the car park where we had both parked and as we reached my car I said thank you and goodnight to Chris. Rather than walking away and admitting that we’d just had an awful date, Chris stood there and said “Oh, do I not get a hug?” Oh dear god. I walked over and gave him a hug without saying anything. As I stepped back towards my car he said “Do I not even get a kiss?” Sweet Jesus if you have to ask for it what the hell do you think the answer will be?! I couldn’t bring myself to let him think I had enjoyed being his therapist for the night and the thought of having a second date with him just made me want to cry and visit the Doctor for anti-depressants so rather than trying to lie or say something else, all I could bring myself to say was “No, sorry. Goodnight” and with that I was in my car and out of there quicker than a flash.

I’m still waiting for Chris to pay my counselling fees for that night.

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