Colin* – Customer Service

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Colin* and I met while I was working one of my acting stints. He worked in the customer service department and came across as a bit of a cheeky chappy but he had a slightly dorky quality which I quite liked. One day after work he asked for my name and added me on Facebook. We got talking and I learned that we had a lot in common. After a while of talking we agreed to have a date. We were going to head up to London for dinner and a show at the theatre. I love the theatre so was very excited! I prefer darker stuff and not really a fan of musicals but he wanted to see a musical so we did. I was still happy and knew it would be a good laugh.

We met at the tube station and made our way into central London to see his musical of choice. The show was good. Not my kind of theatre but I couldn’t deny the talent and it was fun. He doesn’t the make me pay for all his food which is a plus and he hasn’t punched me yet. All is looking positive so far. The first half was over and as I look over at Colin I notice that, wait, hold on a minute, is he crying?? Yep. Yes he is crying! He must have received a text message with some bad news or something. There is no other possible explanation for this. I put my hand on his shoulder and ask if he’s alright. His reply? “oh yeah fine, it’s that bit with the two boys doing the ballet gets me every time”. Oh sweet mother of God. I thought we had a lot in common but I didn’t realise a vagina was one of them. I am all for a man who is in touch with his feminine side and there is nothing wrong with a man who cries but this? The happy ballet scene in a musical! No. I shouldn’t judge him and brush him off based on this. I mean, I’ve probably done something already he didn’t like or found weird. We’ll go have some dinner and just get on with the date.

We walk to a restaurant just near the theatre and start chatting over dinner. See, how could I be so quick to write him off? Then just when I thought everything would be alright Colin starts talking about the future. Not just the future though. No no, he talks about OUR future! He talks about how if we got married he’d see us having three kids. He talks about how we’d have two boys and a girl. He’s got names for them. We’re having a dog too apparently. I’m also a stay at home mum while he works for a big business. We take skiing holidays all the time. It goes on!! I came out on a first date with someone and now I’ve ended up married with three kids, a dog and I don’t work!! I decided to pipe up and tell him that actually I wouldn’t want to be a stay at home mum. I like working. At this, Colin laughs (out loud) and tells me not to be so ridiculous. I shouldn’t want to work after I’ve had kids. Isn’t that what women wait for so they can stop working? That’s the point I realise this will never work out.

I have to sit through dinner hearing more about my life that he’s written out for me. It’s safe to say that after we parted ways, we didn’t see each other again.

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