Rhys* – Security

Rhys* – Security

I hate Hinge. 

Even without the ridiculous profiles, the stupid comments and the repetitiveness, it’s just soul destroying. 

I have, in my mid 30s only just found out that apparently ALL heterosexual men on Hinge like dog walks and a roast on a Sunday. They ALL want to find a relationship that has the ‘perfect flirt to roast ratio’. They ALL also need to learn what the word spontaneous actually means because apparently the most spontaneous thing they’ve all done is quit their jobs and move to Australia: something that requires visa applications that take time so, is in fact, not spontaneous at all. 

The men on Hinge in their 40s also all seem to want kids but are not looking for anything serious. 

They’re all still just “figuring out their dating goals”.

Wow.

When people tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea I think they’re forgetting that the sea is polluted. It’s filled with toxic waste and rubbish. The fish are all dying. In places around the UK it’s been proven that the water is actually also contaminated with literal sh*t. 

Not exactly the dating pool they’re all promising me.

I am trying though. I’m trying to swipe through and match with people who might be alright. I’m trying to talk and encourage conversation with some of them. Sometimes it feels like I’m trying to get blood from a stone and I’m carrying the whole chat but, I have to be seen to be at least trying. 

On one occasion, I did match with Rhys*. Rhys works in security. Chat was fairly average but we exchanged a few messages and arranged to meet. We met for a drink. It was a Friday night so I booked a table. It was ok. The date went alright. We laughed and talked for hours. 

It seemed a little promising. 

At the end of the evening I felt fairly positive and asked if he wanted to meet again. He said yes. 

So we continued messaging for a bit. 

Things started to feel a bit off when I went to work one day. I was working a long flight with my phone on flight safe mode which he knew. 

I landed after a really busy and tiring day to eight messages from him. All eight were asking me about why I was ignoring him. He kept asking if everything was alright. 

I’d already told him I was flying and he would have seen the messages hadn’t delivered yet! But still kept messaging me. 

I apologised if it seemed like I’d been rude but reminded him I’d been flying all day and my phone was in flight safe mode. 

He accepted what I was saying and seemed to be alright. 

After the trip, I went to work one day (my second job in a pub) and he was there. He was sat at a table opposite the bar. He was alone. The entire day I was working on a busy shift, he just sat there watching me. 

My phone kept buzzing in my back pocket and it was him. 

He kept messaging me that I was being rude for not talking to him. Messages telling me I looked beautiful while working. More messages asking when I’d be able to sit and chat with him. 

I AM AT WORK. 

It’s a busy day. I haven’t asked him to come here. I don’t want him here. I’m busy serving customers and running food. I do not have time, nor do I want to try to engage with a guy I barely know who is acting like I owe him all of my time. 

My shift finished and I left. Without saying anything. I sent him a message saying I had to rush off and sorry I didn’t say goodbye. In all honesty, I felt really uncomfortable that he’d just turned up to my work and sat there the whole day. 

He replied and asked if I wanted to meet the next day but I was at work (at my third job; another bar) so I apologised and said I couldn’t. He asked if I wanted him to come and sit at that bar while I worked. I politely declined. 

Listen Joe Goldberg (a YOU reference for anyone who hasn’t watched it yet), I do not want you watching me work every single time I work a shift anywhere. I do not owe you all of my time. You can have my free time. But when I am at work, I’m professional and I work hard. 

Will you randomly start turning up on my flights? 

This ended up being too much for me. 

I messaged him and said that he clearly needs to be with someone who is able to give more time for both seeing him in person and also messaging him. Unfortunately, due to my job that takes me abroad a lot, I am not able to give that time to him.

He blocked me. 

I actually think he did me a favour with that one. 

A bunch of flowers turned up at work for me a few days later with no sender name. I don’t want to assume it was him, but if the Joe Goldberg baseball cap fits…

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